The World Forgotten
by orange-tide
Summary: Sequel to "Youth of the Nation." Completed! The shooting changed them so much. How can they ever go back to before? Chapter 21 up, "Youth of the Nation." Please Read & Review
1. The Stares

**Well, I told you I would either keep going with _Youth of the Nation,_ or start a continuation. Here's the continuation! It might help you to read the first story, since, um..well it is mostly based off it. This story will be slightly less dramatic, I'm hoping you will all still like this. I don't want to lose readers! Then I'll like cry or something....kidding. But I really love reviews and I'm hoping maybe, just maybe I can beat my record. Too bad that's over 200 reviews. So start reviewing....NOW! Well, first maybe you should read...**

The car ride to school was silent, no one knew what to think. Sure, it was a normal day for Marissa and Ryan, but Seth and Summer hadn't been to school in a month. Marissa drove while Summer sat next to her. Seth sat behind Summer, holding her right hand that she slipped back. They were both scared, Summer had her eyes shut, trying to calm down. They had to go back, and face the world.

"We're here." Marissa announced and Summer opened her eyes, frantically looking out the window. There was the school. Every memory Summer tried to forget came flooding back. She squeezed Seth's hand as hard as she could. He tried to squeeze back, but his hand had lost all blood circulation.

"Summer.....I need my hand." Seth joked with her, but she let go unwillingly.

"Sorry." She whispered. Opening the door, she inched herself out, slightly falling. Seth caught her in time. "Thanks." She told him, getting her balance. She grabbed her purse from the car and interlocked her hand into Seth's.

All four of them walked up to the school, that was when Summer's knees buckled. It was the second time she had collapsed in two minutes.

"I can't do this Seth." She cried, afraid of entering the school.

"Yes, you can Summer. We'll do it together. One of us in is almost every class, and if we aren't, we're right by you." Seth helped Summer up.

"Yeah, Sum. Ryan's in you first and third class, Seth is in second and seventh, and I'm in eighth and tenth. We all have lunch together, fifth, you'll be all right." Marissa assisted.

"What about fourth?" Summer asked, that was the class she was scared about. That was the class she was in when it happened.

"I'm right be. If you need me, just leave class. The teachers'll understand." Marissa answered.

"Okay." Summer nodded, not fully sure. She clung to Seth, not wanting to leave him. Seth was apprehensive also, but he had to be strong for Summer. The school scared him horribly. This was the place where he almost died.

They walked to the doors, and joined the crowd entering the school. Summer practically disappeared, Seth wouldn't have been able to find her if he wasn't holding onto her.

They then got in the lobby and reached the memorial. Seth stared at it, seeing his picture stare back at him. He knew Marissa had to have put it there, Ryan didn't own a camera. He took the picture off the board and handed it to Marissa.

"Won't need it anymore." Seth said to her, and Marissa smiled, amazed at his braveness. This had been where his life almost ended, and yet, he acted as though none of it ever happened.

After telling Summer's homeroom teacher about her, they all headed to their homerooms. Summer went with Ryan, and Seth and Marissa went into theirs. The homeroom teacher smiled at Marissa, but it disappeared when she saw Seth. She stared as he walked in, Marissa didn't notice. Her eyes were the only ones not following Seth as he walked down the row and into the back seat. Marissa sat next to him, finally noticing the stares. She checked on Seth, who was already busy writing something down in a notebook. His hands shook slightly, he played with his pen. Seth wasn't dealing very well.

The bell rang and Seth waited until everyone had left except Marissa to get up. She knew they would be late, hopefully the teacher wouldn't mind. Seth followed her without saying a word, she was worried about him. Marissa could see Ryan and Summer walking down the hall. Summer suddenly stopped, in the middle of the hallway. Marissa was about to go help when she saw Ryan get her to continue walking.

Seth hadn't said a word yet, and somehow stares followed him everywhere he went. He didn't even know this many people knew who he was. Summer had it far worse, she could hear the whispers follow her. She was tailing behind Ryan, so she ran up to him. He always looked back to check on her, his eyes moving around like a hawk. He wanted Summer to be okay, they couldn't screw this up. Like Ryan, one false move and she was gone.

Summer seemed ten, not seventeen. She was so small, too small for a high schooler. She tried to hide it, wearing jeans and one of Seth's shirts, but nothing would work. You could still see the pasty skin, the bones, the frailty.

The bell rang again, Marissa and Seth just got off the staircase. Then Seth saw it. To any other person, it was just a normal locker. But to Seth, it meant so much more than that. He had hoped he wouldn't have had to see it, but he was wrong. Set stopped in front of it, staring at it. Marissa kept going, but stopped when she realized Seth wasn't with her.

"What is it?" Marissa asked, walking back over to Seth.

"This is it." Seth said, not looking over to see Marissa's perplexed look.

"What is?" Marissa questioned.

"The locker." Seth answered, he was very vague, Marissa didn't understand him.

"What about the locker? Seth, we have class." She argued, knowing that if they were too late, they would get detention or something similar. She doubted Seth would, but mostly definitely Marissa.

"This is locker that I fell on. This is the exact place I stood when I watched the shooter and then felt immense pain." Seth pointed to the locker handle. "That's the handle I used to stay up after I saw the blood." Marissa looked to the handle, for a moment, and she could imagine Seth there. He then pointed to a spot on his chest. "This is the exact spot that the bullet went in me." Seth paused, Marissa didn't know what to say. "This was the place where I died." Seth finally walked off, leaving Marissa to stand there, looking at his back in amazement. He scared her with what he said.

She caught up with him, silence was around them. Seth could remember every foot step he had taken, every thought that had gone through his mind. It was haunting him, he could see everything play in his mind.

"You're late...." The teacher said to them as they walked in. She saw Seth and froze, everyone again stared. "Seth. Welcome back."

"Thanks." Seth took his seat, with Marissa following. The teacher didn't say another word to them, she seemed a little lost when he came in. People would look back, and Marissa sat with Seth at his lab table. His hands were still shaking, a bit more violently than before, and he looked down at his notebook again.

"You okay?" Marissa whispered to Seth after the teacher finally began teaching.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about earlier. I just, never thought I'd actually come back. I had thought I was dead." Seth answered, without looking up. People kept glancing back, it pissed Marissa off.

"Well, you're not. And everything's gonna be okay." Marissa reassured him.

"I hope you're right." He commented, finally looking up at the board so he could take notes. Marissa followed suit, figuring she would need to pass. It was the last year of high school, Marissa couldn't screw up. But she still took out another piece of paper and began a note to Summer. This note would actually get to Summer, unlike the thirty-so Marissa had written over the course of time Summer wasn't in school. Marissa wrote a note every day, it seemed more like a journal than anything. She hated writing in journals, they were too long, she couldn't keep up with them, but this was a shorter form of it. She could write her emotions, her fears, her weaknesses. It didn't stop the drinking much, and she hid them in a shoebox in her closet. She would fold them intricate ways, over the years, Marissa learned all the designs.

She finished the note to Summer, it was rather short and sweet, to the point. She folded it like a frog, he favorite way to fold a note. Summer wouldn't want to open it and ruin the frog, Marissa could guarantee that. So she took out another piece of paper and folded that one also like a frog. The bell rang and Marissa gathered her stuff. Seth and Marissa left the room, going different ways.

"Seth," She called to him, and he looked back. "Summer's this way." Seth was used to going down the other staircase, just to avoid Summer. They were in the same class, but they sat as far away from each other as possibly.

Seth followed, slowly getting comfortable with the stares. They would follow him for a while, he should get used to them now. He walked with Marissa down the stairs, and there, at a corner, stood Summer and Ryan.

"Figured I'd wait with Summer until you guys came. Since we have class together." Ryan explained. Mostly he wanted to make sure Summer was okay, she couldn't deal with all the stares.

"So, we'll trade our guys, Sum." Marissa joked, the only one at least attempting a smile "oh, and I wrote you a note." Marissa handed the first frog note to Summer.

"I don't wanna unfold it. It's really pretty." Summer said after she took the note and looked at it.

"That's why I folded you a second note, plain inside, so you don't have to unfold this one." Marissa just wanted Summer and all of them to be happy. That was all.

"Thanks." Summer thought the gesture was really sweet. Marissa grabbed Ryan, while Seth held out his hand to Summer. She took it, and they went to history. Everyone acted as though they saw ghosts, it was if Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts had died. No one had expected them to come back. Hell, Seth wouldn't have if he had had a choice. He was so far behind, he wanted to take some time to catch up. But no. Kirsten and Sandy made him go.

Marissa and Ryan got into class, Marissa taking her usual seat. She expected Ryan to sit next to her now, since she thought they were closer now, but he didn't. He went to his usual seat, far away from Marissa. She called him, motioned him to come, but he shook his head. Ryan's mind was way too confused to Marissa now. Marissa was hurt, she wanted to try and have a relationship with Ryan. But it seemed he didn't. What had she done? They had gotten through all the drama, they should be together, right?

Summer and Seth also made it to their room, no one said a word as they sat down. Everyone stared back, while Summer held back tears. She couldn't take this.

"So, how was last period?" Seth asked her after some of the class stopped staring.

"Other than Ryan almost punching someone out because they were making fun of me? It was okay." Summer whispered, practically calm, thinking about last period.

"Are you okay? Did Ryan hit the guy?" Seth was concerned about Summer.

"I'm fine. And the teacher stopped him." Summer felt like she was going to cry again.

"Don't cry." Seth could tell she was going to. They weren't having a very good first day back.

"I wasn't gonna." She lied, trying to sound strong.

"Yeah, you were. Just breathe." Seth told her. Neither said another word, Seth knew people were staring. When would they stop? Would they ever? Had every person who was out of school for a bit because of the shooting received this? A better question was, had there been any people who got out of the hospital before them? Who had survived, who died? Who had the shooters been? What had they accomplished? Were they satisfied? Satisfied in destroying so many lives?

Seth touched the scar on his chest. He'd have it forever. A reminder of that day, the day everyone wanted to forget. They all had scars. The scars from bad moments in their lives. From times that made them into what they were.

If Summer just made it through this day, she'd be okay. It would get easier, it _had_ to get easier. She saw the people look back at them and then quick write something down or whisper something to their friend. Summer hated it, and she couldn't stop it. She still had Marissa's note, folded brilliantly like a frog. She opened it, it didn't have much written in it. Normal note, bored crap, a few descriptions of class, and Marissa also wrote in, "_It'll be okay._" Just those few simple words made Summer feel a little better.

Summer was so wrapped in thoughts that when she heard the bell ring, she jumped. Seth walked her to the gym, where Ryan and her had P.E. Ryan appeared, so Seth took his leave.

"I'm not doing P.E." Summer announced as they walked to the locker rooms.

"You have to. It'll be fine. If anything happens, just leave. I'll cover for you." Ryan was being really good with Summer. He protected her.

"Promise?" She asked.

"Promise." He answered and they separated. Summer went into the girls' locker room and immediately regretted it. She went to her locker, opened it, barely remembering the combination. Summer changed in a bathroom stall, not allowing anyone to see her. She kept her wristband on her arm, covering the scar. It was still wrapped up, but she didn't want anyone to see. Summer went to the mirrors and pulled her hair back, making her face more sunken in. She took a deep breath, and left.

It had begun to rain, meaning class was inside. Volleyball nets were put up, the absolute perfect sport for Summer, Seth would've said. Summer saw Ryan on the other side of the gym, and the teacher told them to run three laps around the gym. Summer didn't move, Ryan sped off right away. She was afraid to run, afraid to do this.

"Summer." Ryan called to her, reaching her already. He motioned for her to run, she finally did. She was slow, not exercising a whole lot over the past month two months. Ryan changed his pace to stay by Summer, noticing she looked worse than ever. They didn't say a word, by the third lap, Summer was ready to collapse. "Stop. You're gonna hurt yourself." They slowed down to a walk to let her breathe. They reached the rest, where the teacher assigned them into groups.

"Roberts! Over here!" The teacher called and everyone looked to Summer. She walked to the teacher, feeling every eye on her. "Wristband." The teacher held her hand out.

"No. I can't do volleyball." Summer knew this wouldn't go over so well.

"Roberts, you better take off the wristband and play or you'll flunk for the day." The teacher made it clear to Summer.

"Then I flunk." Summer walked out. She could hear the whispers follow her, and "anorexic" was heard more than three times. Ryan watched her leave, not knowing what to do. Summer went into the locker room and grabbed her clothes, she still didn't feel right changing in the open. She wanted to cry, and Summer wondered if she really could make it through the day.

Summer spent the rest of the period curled up, sleeping. Hearing the door open and people's voices, she stirred awake and was met with a new set of stares. Summer grabbed her books and rushed out of the room. No one else was out there, other than the P.E. teacher. She gave Summer an evil glare, shaking her head slightly before walking off. Simmer was left alone until some of the kids began to some out of the locker rooms. Ryan was among them, keeping his gaze on her. She felt sick. Ryan was almost there when she ran the other way, to the bathroom, to throw up the tiny bit of food she had eaten. Ryan wanted to run after her, he saw the pain in her eyes, but what could he do? He could only help her so much.

Summer heard the bell ring as she washed her hands. She saw herself in the mirror, the horribly wreck that she was. Next period was it. The class that ultimately ended in her looking like this. Summer exited the bathroom, walking slowly to the library. She could practically see the flocks of people running. The hall was empty, like it always was between these periods.

Summer approached the library and stopped. She saw the corner where she hid. It stared at her, the memory came back to Summer. An image of her and Marissa played in her mind. Summer felt like she was kind of eavesdropping. She could see the tears, the pain in her own eyes. Fear was plastered on their faces, it made Summer sick once again. She ran away from it, into the library. People stared again.

She sat in her old usual seat, but had nothing to do. She glanced over and saw the table next to her. It was empty, but Summer knew who had once been there. He had been a star basketball player, helping Harbor win many championships. He had been smart, Summer dated him, back in ninth grade. One of the sweetest guys, but Summer wasn't one of his high priorities. Basketball mattered more. But that didn't make him deserving of getting shot. So many great people were killed or hurt. The guy next to her, Gabby, Seth. It just wasn't fair.

Seth was also having a hard time dealing with fourth period. He was tapping his pen viciously, just wanting to leave the class.

"Good to see you back." The girl in front of Seth said to him as they passed papers back.

"Thanks." Seth didn't even know the girl, but he thought her name was Riley.

"Can you believe the asshole who sat _right over there_ was a shooter? Second floor, they all killed themselves. Caught 'em on camera." Riley looked over to the seat two rows over from her. Seth was speechless, that guy might have shot Seth. "You okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. How many shooters were there?" Seth asked, trying to sound calm.

"Six. They had some underground-hate-everyone group. Killed 23. Injured 54. Thousands of lives destroyed. Pretty good statistics, huh? Beat Columbine." Seth guessed this girl was okay with the shooting, seeing he boldness in talking about it. "Where were you last month most people got out first week, rest never will."

"Coma." Seth choked out, feeling uncomfortable with the conversation now.

"That sucks. How long?" At least someone who noticed him didn't stare. She at least talked to him.

"49 days." Riley was somehow taking his mind off it, yet they were talking about it. It helped calm him, discussing it.

"Right in time for Christmas. Or Hanukkah. I don't know the dates."

"Yeah." Seth agreed. Riley looked back up front. Seth was happy she had stopped talking to him, but he was left wondering. The person who he had seen every day was one of the shooters. Most likely, the shooter who hit Seth. The asshole.

He stared up at the clock, the time that it happened was almost there. He dreaded it, not wanting it to come. His whole life changed, and soon, it would change again soon.

A little bit later, the bell had rung once again, and somehow Summer made it through class. She was shaken up, they had all planned to meet at the corner by Summer's locker. She hugged her books close to her chest. She had no one, everyone stared. She shook, hardly making it to her locker. She opened it and stuffed her books in, also grabbing some other books. She felt someone approach her. She thought it was Seth, so she looked over.

"Hey Summer." A water polo team member, John, said to her. More of the team was behind him.

"Hi." Summer responded back as sternly as she could, closing her locker.

"What's up?" John asked, his buddies circling Summer.

"Nothing." She couldn't go anywhere, John and his friends wouldn't let her leave.

"You're looking a little pale....and _thin._ Do you eat?" Summer squirmed, she felt uncomfortable.

"Yes. I'm fine." She told him, trying to believe it herself. She couldn't back away as they came closer.

"I don't know. You could be anorexic. Or bulimic. That's what I've been hearing. And I was worried. I mean, I care about you." John lied to her.

"No you don't." Summer didn't look them in the eye, either staring down or at the hallway, waiting for Seth or Ryan or Marissa.

"Well, I did. In the shooting. But I couldn't find you." But he had. He ran right past her, caring less. "When you didn't come back, I thought you were hurt." He got closer to Summer. "But then you weren't listed as injured as dead."

"Oh." She said, wanting to get away.

"So what did you do over the past month? Puke up your food or not even eat? Wallow in self pity over how you fucked yourself up? Cry over that wimp, jerk, asshole, whatever the hell he is, Cohen, and try to kill yourself?" John knew how to make a girl weak. Always had. He figured Summer would be the easiest girl to get with.

Summer was shaking, tears cascading down from her eyes. She felt horrible, she couldn't handle it.

"Aww, Summer. Don't cry. I'll make it all better for you." John was going for the kill. He was on her, she didn't want him there. She shook, he tried to calm her, pushing himself closer. "Ssshhh... it's okay." Summer cried harder, she was too weak to get him off her. She was scared, she hated John. How had she dated him? "Summer, calm down. I'll make it all better." John leaned in to kiss her. She knew it was coming, and felt a surge of adrenaline in her.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Summer screamed as loud as she could, hitting and pushing John away. The adrenaline passed, she felt the weakest she had ever. Her sobs were uncontrollable, and she fell. The other team members tried to come near, but she pushed them away. "Get away from me!"

**What do you think? Weird way to end it, but I couldn't figure out another way. So review, I hoped you liked it, and I hope it is up to your expectations!**


	2. Losing

**Thank you guys so much for the reviews! I loved them, I really did. So, I hope you like the way I'm headed with this, because I confused myself numerous times writing this, let me tell ya. Okay, so I shall let you guys read, and then you can review. Because I want it to beat _Youth of the Nation_.** **216? That's gonna be a little hard....LOL....**

Ryan and Seth had just met Marissa at the stairway when they heard a scream.

"That's Summer." Seth knew it. He rushed to where the scream was coming from. Ryan and Marissa followed him down the hall to Summer's locker, where a crowd had gathered. Teachers and students stared at the sobbing Summer, shaking violently. "Summer!" Seth yelled, and she looked up. Seth, with Ryan and Marissa right behind him pushed their way through the crowd to get to Summer. "Summer." Seth knelt by her. "Come on. You need to get out of here. This isn't good."

"Seth, I'm sorry." Summer cried to him.

"For what?" Seth looked down. Summer had taken off the bandage on her arm, and pulled out the stitches and opened the wound again, so it bled. "Oh Summer. Come on, let's go." Seth helped Summer up and Ryan assisted. Marissa pushed the way through the people. She led them to an empty classroom, where they sat Summer down.

"Sorry." Summer apologized.

"What are we gonna do? All those people saw! What's gonna happen?" Seth worried and paced as Marissa took tissues to stop Summer's bleeding arm.

"Seth, calm down. We're gonna get through this." Ryan reassured him.

"How? Everyone saw, They're probably calling her dad right now." Seth couldn't think straight.

"We'll sneak her out. Take her..... to my house. My mom should be gone. And Caleb is never there." Marissa suggested. "But we need to get out of here. She definitely needs something more than tissues."

"We'll have to do it. Then negotiate." Ryan offered.

"Negotiate?" Seth had lost it, he was scared.

"Come to an agreement. So she doesn't get sent away."

"Seth, I'm sorry." Summer sobbed, knowing nothing else to say. "I didn't know what to do. He was on me, and he was hurting me and I wanted to get away. That was the only way I knew to get him off." Summer was still shaking.

"Okay.... Well, we'll have to leave. Now. Come on." Seth told them. Marissa helped Summer up and they headed out. Checking that the coast was clear, they began to sneak Summer out. No teachers in the hall, so they rushed to the entrance.

"Hold it, kids." Someone from behind them said. They slowly turned around to see Neil, Dr. Kim, and two paramedics. "Where do you think you're going?" Dr. Kim asked.

"Um...." Seth didn't know how to answer.

"Come with us." The paramedics immediately grabbed Summer and everyone followed into the nurses' station. Soon enough, the paramedics took Summer away in the ambulance. They couldn't do a thing.

"Why are you taking her away?" Seth demanded.

"There is a wonderful psychiatric floor in the hospital. We feel she should stay there for a few days." Dr. Kim answered sternly.

"You can't." Marissa lightly objected.

"Kids, she tried to hurt people and herself. She's not okay." Neil explained it to them. "She needs to spend more time in the hospital. If they feel she is okay, They'll release her after a week. If the hospital feels that she needs more help, they'll take her to a mental facility. Now, I know this is hard, but it will be beast for her. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the hospital." Neil said quickly and left.

"I believe we need to talk. Let's go to my office." Dr. Kim led them to her office. "Sit." She instructed, and Seth, Ryan and Marissa obeyed. "Now, I know you wanted to help Ms. Roberts, but this is way beyond you. She needs mental assistance, we barely let her come back after we heard what happened.

"She'll be okay!" Seth objected the dean, his mind on Summer.

"We thought that also. But Ms. Roberts proved us wrong." Dr. Kim had no emotion in her face, she didn't want to get involved in their personal lives.

"Dr. Kim, you don't know the whole story. A guy was bugging her. Give her another chance." Ryan defended Summer.

"This was her second chance. She proved to be a threat to the rest of the school, and a threat to herself." Dr. Kim told them.

"Because someone was hurting her. If you punish her, you should punish the person who was hurting her." Ryan continued to object. He didn't know where he got this courage. Dr. Kim was one person you didn't want to object. He did once, and almost lost him acceptance into the school. But this wasn't fair.

"And that would be?" But no one know. They hadn't seen what happened.

"We don't know. We weren't there. We got there after we heard Summer scream." Marissa explained to the dean.

"Anyway, Ms. Roberts needs mental help. They will evaluate her, and find out what is best for her. Now, I'd like you to go back to class." They rose and left Dr. Kim's office. They had lost.

"Well, we couldn't make it through the day." Seth commented outside the cafeteria. He leaned on the wall in exhaustion.

"Seth, that's not fair. She tried. We'll get the whole story out of her after school." Marissa told him, trying to make him feel better.

"What if we get there and she's already shipped away?" Seth was being pessimistic, how couldn't he?

"She won't be shipped away. They'll keep her for a week on the psych floor before they send her away." Ryan told him.

"Ryan's right. She'll be there when we get there. Just calm down." Marissa tried. Seth didn't answer after that, they fell into silence. Voices from the cafeteria could be heard. No one ate outside today, it was raining. Everything had happened so fast, it was all a blur. "Maybe we should go in?"

"Not really wanting the cafeteria stares. 400 people? No thank you." Seth was lost. He wanted to be with Summer, and he couldn't.

"Well, we can't really stay out here." Marissa said to him.

"Sure we can. We already are." Seth commented to her. He was on edge, upset about Summer. They didn't say another word. Marissa left to the bathroom soon after. She splashed water on her face, to calm her down. Again, life had fallen down the drain. She opened her purse. The tiny, clear bottle lie in there. She took it out, unscrewed the cap and took a sip. It burned her throat, making the pain go away. Marissa put more in her mouth, she was spinning already. The alcohol had taken over her life again, it had just been a matter of time. Ryan sensed she had been drinking again, but he said nothing.

He stood with Seth outside the cafeteria, waiting for the bell to ring. Seth slid down to the floor, and Ryan soon sat next to him.

"What are we gonna do?" Seth asked Ryan.

"Go through the rest of the day, then see Summer?" Ryan answered.

"I know that. But I mean, what if she's sent away? Like, what'll happen?" Seth was scared. If she was sent away, he wouldn't survive. The worry he had suppressed for a week came back.

"Well, if she is, she couldn't only be in there for three days. They have a trail to discuss her, maybe Sandy could be her attorney." Ryan explained his knowledge about mental facilities.

"How'd you know that?" Seth knew they never mentioned a trail.

"Saw it in a documentary." Ryan blew it off. Seth didn't ask more, he was already confused. Ryan glanced over to Seth to make sure he wasn't really wondering a whole lot about Ryan's uncanny knowledge of what might happen.

"Okay. Well, maybe we should start to our classes." Seth announced and they got up. Ryan and Seth went different ways. Marissa soon crawled out of the bathroom, long after Seth and Ryan had left. She hoped no one would smell the alcohol on her breath. She walked herself to the locker room, just about everyone had changed. She had drunken way too much. She just didn't stop. She changed and made her way out.

Ryan headed into his classroom, seeing a few of the water polo team members talking.

"So I was talking to her, damn she got thin, but she was like shaking. We were dating before the shooting, and man, she changed. So I go to kiss her, and she flips out. Like, pushed me hard. Damn, that girl has got power. So then she cuts herself. The anorexia must've gotten to her." Ryan heard one of them say. John sat on a desk, in the middle of them, his groupies underneath him.

"You did that to Summer?" Ryan asked John, horrified. He wished Seth or Marissa was with him, so they could hear.

"I didn't do anything to her." John denied Ryan's accusal.

"But you just said you were the one who hurt her." Ryan continued to accuse. He was pissed. Because if Summer was sent away, Seth would freak, maybe leave and then what would happen? The world would grow worse. Because of this asshole.

"I admit I was trying to hook up with that bony bitch, but she's the one who hurt me." John told Ryan, with a sly grin.

"You hurt her." Ryan said through gritted teeth.

"Maybe her feelings. 'Cause she did try to kill herself. No loss there. She was just skin and bones." Ryan had had it. He punched John right off the desk he was sitting on. John soon got up, aiming his fist at Ryan. He took the blow right as the teacher walked in. Ryan was about to hit John again when the teacher yelled.

"Atwood! Grant! Come here." Mr. Davis told them. John and Ryan went over to the teacher, nursing their wounds. John was limping, Ryan had bruised his arm from falling back, and they both had injured eyes. "Office. Now." Mr. Davis sent them away. It was Ryan's second trip to Dr. Kim in less than two periods.

Ryan and John walked on opposite ends of the hallway, Kirsten and Sandy would be pissed. He had kept out of trouble for so long. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe a couple days of detention. But that was then they would visit Summer. Shit.

The two entered the office and waited. And waited. Dr. Kim was on an important phone call. About ten minutes later, she welcomed them in, but not very welcome. They sat in her office, a third seat was next to Ryan. He had sat in that chair, Seth was in the one he was in now. Dr. Kim stared at Ryan for a while before looking to John.

"So, what happened? I hear there was a fight, and I would like to know more. Mr. Grant? Care to elaborate?" Dr. Kim asked.

"Well, I was talking to my friends when all of a sudden Atwood comes over and starts hassling me. Then he punches me." John made it seem as though he did nothing wrong.

"Do you agree with this, Ryan?" Dr. Kim now looked back to Ryan.

"Not entirely. See, I heard him talking about Summer Roberts and when I asked him, he admitted he was the one who was with her when she....you know..." Ryan answered, keeping his gaze on Dr. Kim.

"Is this true, Jonathan?" Dr. Kim asked, glancing over.

"Well, sorta...see, I....." John tried to get himself out of his dilemma.

"Ryan, you have one week's detention and you may go. Jonathan, stay here." Dr. Kim released Ryan and he got up. "And Ryan?" Ryan turned around. "I don't want to see you in my office again today."

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"Detention? Man, how did you get detention?" Seth asked, it was the end of the day. The three, Ryan, Seth and Marissa stood at Ryan's locker.

"Punched someone." Ryan vaguely answered, throwing a book into his locker, his black eye forming.

"Who? Who could have pissed you off that much that you punched them?" Seth was mad at Ryan. He wanted him to go see Summer.

"John Grant." Ryan didn't fell like talking, he was pissed off at himself just as much.

"He dated Summer before the shooting...." Marissa thought of the only information about John Grant that was relatively important.

"Yeah, and he was the one who did that to her earlier." Ryan shut his locker and they began to walk down the hall.

"Okay yeah, good point. I would've done the same thing. Damn, I can't believe I missed it! I could've helped one-two him..." Seth rambled.

"How'd you find out?" Marissa ignored Seth's ramblings.

"He admitted it. Said it to his friends. So I punched him and he punched me back." They walked down the rest of the hall.

"I always thought John was an idiot, just not that big of an idiot. But what are we going to do?" Marissa asked when they reached the entrance, and she turned to Seth and Ryan.

"Well, I gotta stay here. So you guys go see Summer." Ryan resolved the situation.

"How are you going to get home?" Marissa wondered. She had driven all of them.

"My skateboard. It's been here, for like two months. You can skate it home." Seth suggested enthusiastically.

"Seth, I can't skateboard." Ryan told him.

"Damn."

"Listen, guys, I'll just walk. I'm used to it. It's cool." Ryan assured them.

"You sure?" Marissa wasn't quite so convinced.

"Yeah." Ryan flashed a small smile and left Seth and Marissa. Sadly they walked outside to Marissa's car. It had finally stopped raining, puddles were everywhere. She hadn't been quite alone a lot with Seth, so it would definitely be an awkward ride.

Seth didn't say a word, staring out the window as Marissa drove. He would see Summer, but in the hospital. She had just gotten out. And Seth doubted she would leave as easy. Her father would now most definitely keep her in there.

Marissa slipped in a cd, the Sex Pistols. The out-of-place music blasted throughout the car, still neither talked. The hospital got closer, the awkwardness would soon end. It didn't really feel like Seth had just gotten out of a coma about maybe a bit over two weeks. It just felt like the whole time never happened. But Summer made it feel like it had. She brought it back.

Marissa parked the car and her and Seth went into the hospital. The nurse refused to tell them information. They would've been screwed if they hadn't found Neil Roberts walking out of the gift shop. The two had scared him a bit, but after some convincing he told them where Summer was. He headed to the cafeteria while Seth and Marissa went to the elevator.

It was strange going on the elevator with Seth, she used to go on it to see him. But now, she was with him. And they were seeing Summer.

The two got off the elevator and went to Summer's room. Marissa knocked and saw Summer sitting on the bed, remote control in hand. She flipped through channels, not noticing them.

"Hey, Sum." Marissa now said, since Summer hadn't heard the knock.

"Hey!" Summer squealed after looking over to them. She dropped the remote, her arms open wide, ready for a hug. Seth and Marissa hugged her, but not that hard. Her wrist was wrapped up again, more tape than before. She didn't look that bad, other than the usual.

"How are you feeling?" Seth asked her, as the two took seats next to Summer's bed.

"Physically? Fine. Emotionally? Miserable. I feel so bad for what I did earlier. It was just, this guy, he was saying all this stuff about me and I couldn't take it. I'm so sorry." Tears were welling up from behind her eyes.

"You sound better, if that's any consolation." Marissa offered.

"Yeah, that's because I'm stuck in here for a week so I might as well get used to it." Summer told them.

"Well, this guy, John Grant...." Marissa began.

"How did you know it was him?" Summer interrupted, bewildered.

"Well, John's a complete idiot and an ass, and he admitted it and was talking about it. Ryan heard...so he punched John. And got punched back." Marissa explained to her best friend.

"Wow." That was all Summer could say.

"So Ryan has detention all this week, but he'll visit on the weekend." Marissa knew silence would soon commence. She hated being in hospitals, especially the psych floor. They were in hospitals way too often. Who was next? Who was next to have a mental breakdown or get hurt? Marissa broke down a while ago, Seth had been shot, and now Summer was in for the second time in two weeks. Was Ryan next? No, he couldn't. Ryan was too together. He was strong enough for everything. He couldn't fall apart.

"Guys....I don't think I'm gonna be allowed back in school. I think my dad wants me shipped away. Indefinitely." Summer croaked out as silent tears rained down on her doll-like face. Neither Seth or Marissa knew how to make Summer feel better, since they knew what she said was true. Again, silence ensued. Summer's attempt had failed. Seth wasn't saying anything, he felt horrible. What if Summer was sent away? Life would suck.

As Marissa, Seth, and Summer sat in silence at the hospital, Ryan was getting released from detention. He exited the school, it would grow sark soon. He started his trek, his boot hitting the puddles, crossing the school parking lot.

Walking down the road alone made him think of the times after he gave up on the school bus and walked home. Chine had always been much darker than Newport. Ryan usually had detention until 6 o'clock. He would walk out of school, light a cigarette, and head towards hell. He was leaving hell, entering hell. The walk between them was always nice. For a bit, he was free, nothing mattered, he didn't have to worry.

Life was so much more different now. Nothing was hell. He wouldn't get hit or beat up if he was late according to his mom's boyfriend. No one would be drunk when he got home.

Darkness fell, the street lights flickered on. It felt a bit as though he was back in Chino, about 14, going home. He would walk into a silent house, Ryan's mom and her boyfriend would be passed out on the couch. Trey would be out partying, and Ryan would then go into his room and fall on his bed. He would try to turn on a light, but the electricity would be shut off. His mom forgot to pay the electricity bill. His hands would start to shake, he knew why. So he would take another drag of his cigarette. That was the only other thing that stopped the shaking. Slowly, he'd finish off his cigarette, the only other light in the room was the street light shining some light in his room. He would change, and stay up a bit more, just staring up at the ceiling, since there was nothing else to do. He'd fall asleep and sleep until morning when he'd hit awake.

Ryan came back to the present, and observed his surroundings. He had walked about three fourths of the journey to the Cohens. Every so often a car would pass him, unlike in Chino, when a million, beat up, used cars would pass him by. A couple of times the cars almost hit him, but at that point in his life, he hadn't cared. Back then, he hadn't had a damn thing to live for.

Ryan could now see the Cohens' house. Sometimes it still amazed him that he was heading there. Him and Theresa used to pretend that they had some rich uncle that would die and give them all this money, like in movies. But then they would hear Ryan's mom and her boyfriend argue, and it sadly brought them back into Chino.

"We'll get out of here someday." Theresa would tell Ryan.

"No, we won't. We're gonna be here for the rest of our lives, miserable, and working at dead end jobs." Ryan had always known his future. No one in Chino ever amounted to anything.

"Maybe some rich family will take us in and we become a part of their family." Theresa once suggested, not knowing how close she had been to the truth then.

"You have too much of an imagination." Ryan dismissed the 'crazy' idea.

Ryan laughed at his old self, with no hopes and dreams. Now look at him. He walked to the front door and opened it. Lights were on, he could hear Kirsten and Sandy talking in the kitchen. He headed into the kitchen and saw them.

"Ryan! Where were you? Seth came home and just said, 'Hospital. Detention,' and went upstairs. Care to explain?" Kirsten exclaimed.

"Do you really want to know? It could be long...." Ryan didn't feel much like explaining. He was tired. Lately, he hadn't been able to sleep.

"We have time." Sandy and Kirsten had become a lot more protective, watching over Seth just a tiny bit more than Ryan.

"Well, we were having an okay day when some guy began to hassle Summer. None of us saw it, but she kinda freaked out on herself..." Ryan put it nicely, but they knew what it meant. "So then they had to take Summer to the hospital. And I kinda found out who the guy was, and I punched him. That's why I have detention." Ryan told his tale.

"Let me guess, he also punched you back?" Sandy laughed.

"Yeah....how'd you know?" Ryan wondered.

"Like I said before, those shiners look great on ya. You can really pull that look off like no other." Sandy joked as Ryan touched his eye, wincing since it was still a little sore.

"Ryan, maybe you should go talk to Seth. He's not in a very good mood. I would go check on him, but it's probably a teenager thing." Lately Seth hadn't been the most fun to talk to when he was upset.

"Sure. See ya." Ryan left the kitchen and headed upstairs to Seth's room. Seth had only changed his room around a bit, about two posters had been switched. Seth was sitting on his bed, and it made Ryan think of the couple of times Ryan was leaving the Cohens 'for good.' "Hey."

"Hey." Seth looked up and let Ryan sit on the bed.

"So, how was Summer? Your parents said you weren't in a great mood." Ryan looked over to Seth.

"Well, she's okay. Stuck in the hospital, but okay. She'll be there for a week. So I figured I'd hook up my Playstation so I can teach her." Seth hoped she'd only be in there for a week.

"Cool, man." Ryan agreed.

"So, what? We're not gonna let him see her?" The two boys could hear Kirsten and Sandy fighting. Seth had heard them talking before, but not arguing. He could see both viewpoints: His mom was scared and a protection freak, but his dad wasn't.

"Sandy, what if something happens to her again? What if Seth flies off the deep end and runs away again? I don't want him to leave." Kirsten yelled at her husband.

"I don't want him to either. But he will if we don't let him see her." Sandy tried to reason.

"Why are you making me the bad guy? I don't wanna be the bad guy. I care about Seth. And I don't wanna be mean to him, but I'm scared. What's if she's put into a mental facility? What if he leaves and never comes back?" Kirsten hadn't wanted to argue with Sandy.

"Then I'll fight to keep her out so she doesn't leave." Sandy announced.

"She's unstable...." Kirsten argued.

"Everyone's unstable at a moment in their life. And everyone deserves a second chance. You can't deny Summer her second chance. She needs Seth."

"But...." Kirsten objected, she was losing.

"Just because a person's a little unstable doesn't mean they're not a good person." Sandy said. "You know that." He added sternly.

"Marissa didn't....." Something stopped Kirsten for a moment. "This is different."

"Not very. Give the girl a chance. You need to know the whole story. It might come out different than you think." The boys could hear Sandy walk off.

"Weird conversation, huh?" Seth commented to Ryan.

"Yeah, definitely weird. Sorry I told them all about it." Ryan apologized.

"It was gonna come out sooner or later." Seth didn't quite care.

"So, I guess I'll go." Ryan got up and left Seth's room and went downstairs. He headed to the pool house, going through the kitchen.

"Did you guys hear all that?" Kirsten asked Ryan when he got into the kitchen.

"Yeah." He answered.

"Do you think I'm in the wrong?" It looked as though Kirsten was going to cry.

"One thing you have to know Kirsten, is that she's alive because of him." Ryan sadly walked away from Kirsten.

**Okay, maybe this didn't go the way you imagined, but I swear Everything Happens For A Reason!!! So don't be mad. I have like a million ideas right now, thanks to my great friend Kim. She's good at ideas, and writing. Go check her out: um....her name is like Rockin'FluteTrumpet something....but easier, her OC stories(which are good and she doesn't keep up with them very well I might add) is in SethCohenFan....Advertising moments! LOL. I'm writing as fast as I freakin' can, and I have half of next chap done....ooo, more drama, after comedy, I have to lighten the mood before bringing it down horribly... **


	3. All Over

**Okay, so I know this took a while to put up, but fan fic was all screwed up and lately, I've had like no time! So I'm writing this super late....and it will still probably take forever since my parents could so hear. But, I must say that no one has noticed my hints. I would've thought someone would've noticed, but no one has. Too bad, maybe this chap will help. It doesn't say it, but maybe you'll finally notice.....**

Seth and Marissa walked into Summer's room the next day. It was pouring outside, and again, Summer was watching t.v., staring blankly at the screen. Seth had brought in his Playstation, ready to plug it in.

"Hey Summer." The two greeted her and she looked over.

"Do you think I'm anorexic?" Summer asked.

"Um...." Marissa didn't know what to say, neither did Seth. Summer did look anorexic, so people could say she was.

"Because I'm not. It was just, I didn't eat a lot during that month. And I can't eat a lot now 'cause my stomach is smaller or something. But everyone thinks I'm anorexic. Do you guys?" Summer said this all very quickly. She was getting adjusted to the hospital, though she didn't want to be there.

"We believe you." Seth announced and she smiled. "And look what I brought. My Playstation. It plays games, CDs, DVDs..." Seth showed Summer the game system.

"It plays DVDs? Can you guys bring in my _Valley_ DVDs?" Summer still looked like a little girl, even more now with her eyes glowing.

"Sure, Sum." Marissa agreed and they sat down, Marissa on the bed, Seth in a chair. "So, how was today?"

"Well, everyone thinks I'm anorexic. Or bulimic, since I threw up." Summer told them.

"Why?" Marissa asked.

"Because my stomach is all small and everything. And I ate too much. Plus, the food is gag-worthy." Summer joked.

"Well, how about I hook up the Playstation so we can play?" Seth changed the subject.

"Sure. What games do you have? Pirates and ninjas?" Summer asked.

"Well, which one is cooler?" Seth began to hook up the Playstation.

"Pirates, definitely. They're way cooler. I mean, Jack Sparrow and Will Turner are the coolest pirates ever." Summer commented happily.

"Who?" Seth glanced over for a moment to find Summer's answer. He wasn't up to date with that stuff.

"Hello? Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom?" Seth looked back, still lost. "Pirates of the Caribbean?" Still nothing. "The third highest grossing movie of 2003? Do you know nothing?"

"Obviously not. Switch the channel to 3." Summer changed the channel and Seth turned on the game system. The tv screen changed to the video game. "Got it."

"Good. Now teach me to play." Summer demanded as Seth threw her a controller.

"Seth, um, are you gonna stay here longer?" Marissa asked him.

"Yeah.....why?" Seth answered, grabbing the other controller and sitting on the bed next to Summer.

"Well, I was gonna go home, and maybe pick up Ryan. It's raining pretty hard." Marissa looked outside to see the storm. She felt a little uncomfortable with Seth and Summer.

"How about you pick up Ryan and come back? My parents are fighting so being at home sucks." Seth proposed.

"Okay. Cool. See you in a bit." Marissa left the hospital and ran to her car. It was pouring down hard and Marissa was already soaked to the bone when she reached her car. She drove as it grew darker and by the time she reached the school, it was pitch black. She reached there just in time, Ryan was just walking out. He didn't notice Marissa's car, he was looking down. He walked in the rain, reaching the car. "Ryan." Marissa put the window down and called out to Ryan. He looked up, startled to see her. "Get in." She ordered him and he obeyed.

"How'd you know I got out now?" Ryan asked.

"Just a hunch." Marissa drove them to the Cohens.

"Where's Seth?" Ryan checked the back seat.

"At the hospital." Marissa answered as she turned into the Cohens.

"Then why are we at the Cohens when Seth is at the hospital?" Ryan was really confused.

"Well, Seth just hooked up the Playstation. And also, Kirsten and Sandy are fighting, so you call him, ask him what to get for tonight, and grab stuff for yourself. Then we'll go to 1313 Mockingbird Lane and I'll grab some stuff. How does that sound?" Marissa suggested.

"All right. Be back." Ryan pulled out his cell phone and left the car. Marissa watched as he ran up the rest of the driveway and went inside. Ten minutes later, he appeared carrying two bags. He threw the two bags in the backseat, and rested his head on the seat.

"Tired?" Marissa asked. For once, they felt like friends. At least to Marissa. Ryan was warming up, but not very much. He still felt a tiny bit strange with Marissa.

"Yeah. Kirsten and Sandy are still fighting, and Seth is too meticulous." Marissa began to drive down the driveway.

"How so?" Marissa wondered, pulling onto the road. She drove by her old house, now filled with strangers. Strangers were sleeping in her room.

"He has three toothbrushes. A different one for after each meal. It's nuts." Ryan shut his eyes, not being able to sleep much.

"Three? Can't he deal with just one?" Marissa joked, but Ryan had drifted off to sleep. "Okay then." She continued to drive and she glanced over. Ryan was out, so she slipped her hand into her purse and grabbed the bottle out of it. She took the cap off and took a sip. She pulled into her house.

Marissa didn't want to wake him, so she quietly got out of the car and ran up to her house. She noticed her bottle was almost empty, she would have to fill it up. She got into the house, and it seemed empty. Nothing stirred. She rushed up the stairs to her room. Grabbing a duffel bag, she stuffed some clothes in it. Marissa saw some of _The Valley_ DVDs Summer lent her and put them in the bag. She also saw her Share Bear on her bed, she grabbed that also. Taking some hair products from her bathroom, she ran out of her room.

Marissa went to the kitchen, and opened her mother and Caleb's alcohol cabinet. She poured some vodka into her smaller bottle. She heard a shuffle and turned around. Kaitlin stood there, looking almost practically like a younger Marissa.

"Hey Kaitlin." Marissa greeted her sister and stared as Kaitlin looked at her, emptiness in her eyes. She walked off, confusing Marissa. She took a swig of the vodka before leaving her house.

Ryan was wide awake when Marissa came back. She didn't say a word, and they drove off in silence. Marissa was still a little buzzed as she drove, praying Ryan wouldn't notice. Luckily, he didn't. She kept her mouth closed, afraid that Ryan would smell the alcohol. She knew she wouldn't be out of the danger drinking zone until maybe school the next day.

After about ten minutes or more, Marissa drove into the hospital parking lot. Ryan got out first and grabbed his and Seth's bags, while Marissa took her time. Ryan was dead tired, insomnia sucked. Something was bothering him, but he could not place his finger on it. The two eventually made it to the elevator and waited, it felt almost as if Seth was back in the hospital. Marissa still found it strange sometimes that he was awake.

"You okay?" Ryan asked Marissa as they rode up the only elevator going to the psych floor. The elevator was empty, other than them.

"I'm fine. What about you?" Marissa said to him, acting as sober as she could.

"I'm all right." Ryan didn't look over at Marissa. The elevator stopped and Marissa took the lead to Summer's room.

"Cohen! Help me!" They heard Summer scream from her room. Marissa and Ryan walked in to find Summer and Seth playing a video game.

"I can't if you're trying to kill me!" Seth screamed back at her, frantically hitting buttons.

"That's you? I thought that was me." Summer calmed down a bit. She hated video games. She sucked at them.

"No, you're that person." Seth paused the game and pointed to a pirate. "And that's me." He pointed to another.

"Oh." Summer commented.

"Hey guys." Marissa said as they entered.

"Hey." Seth said back, eyes glued to the un-paused game. Summer and him were just hitting buttons, they were killing each other.

"Here's your stuff." Ryan threw Seth's bag at him, screwing Seth up and making him lose the game.

"I won!" Summer yelled excitedly.

"Thanks a whole lot, man." Seth said sarcastically to Ryan.

"No problem, bro." Ryan went to a chair, and Marissa sat on the bed.

They stayed there for a while, Ryan had loosened up, and the buzz had sadly left Marissa. It had grown completely dark, not a light outside. Food had been given to Summer, but she ate only an apple. It was about nine thirty, and none of them made a move to leave. The nurses strangely didn't mind them. It might have had something to do with Summer begging her dad to let them stay.

At about ten o'clock, when Marissa was playing against the reigning champion, Seth, his phone rang.

"Seth. Phone." Ryan mumbled, half asleep.

"What?" Seth wasn't paying attention, he was slaughtering Marissa at the game.

"Phone." Ryan reiterated to him. Seth grabbed his phone and checked it.

"Oh shit. It's Mom and Dad." Seth looked over to Ryan. He had just noticed that Seth was meaning his and Ryan's parents. They weren't just Seth's parents. They were _their_ parents. "Hey." Seth sadly answered it.

"Seth, where the hell are you?" Kirsten screamed at her son.

"Um, the hospital. But we're fine, we're probably gonna stay here for the night." Seth was afraid of Kirsten when she was pissed. He did it to get before, and it wasn't very pleasant.

"Seth Cohen, get you ass home." Kirsten was almost in tears, she felt like she was losing her son again.

"What's the big deal? I'm fine, you know where we are, I'll go to school, it's all fine." Seth didn't want to have this conversation.

"Seth......." Kirsten warned.

"Mom, I gotta go. Summer's about to take over my spot in the game. I love you. Bye." Seth hung up. Kirsten stood stunned in the kitchen. She was losing every battle she was in. Her son kept leaving her. She was afraid of the day that he'd never come back. Kirsten was afraid that that day might come too soon.

"Little harsh, wasn't that?" Summer asked.

"No. She doesn't understand. She doesn't want me to see you. They were fighting like mad last night. Everyone was mention in that fight. Except for Ryan. Lucky him." Seth explained to Summer.

"Right." Ryan agreed, now fully awake.

"So, what are you guys gonna do? If I go, you know, to a mental facility? Like, will you, I don't know, run away or something? Because you do do that, you know." Summer worried that Seth might leave again. And it would be her fault.

"I doubt it. I'll probably come home and They'll have a leash ready for me." Seth joked. He had a knack for leaving them when the going got rough. They laughed at his joke and Seth and Marissa went back to their game. Summer laid on the bed, and looked over to Ryan.

"Thanks." She told him.

"For what?" Ryan asked her, now looking at Summer.

"For punching John out. That was really cool." She smiled.

"It was nothing. He was pissing me off." Ryan said.

"Well, thanks." Summer yawned and turned on her other side. Ryan watched Marissa attempt to stay alive while Seth played at ease. Seth tried to ignore how bad he felt because of what he said to his mom. Given, she was being protective, and scared, but maybe she was being _too_ protective.

Summer was the first one to fall asleep, then Marissa dosed off, and finally Seth. Ryan couldn't sleep, he was officially an insomniac. He was dead tired but he couldn't sleep. What the hell was wrong with him? No one else was having problems sleeping. Marissa was curled up in a chair, holding Share Bear, while Seth sat in another chair, his head resting by Summer's on the bed. Captain Oats was in his hand. Summer was in a fetal position, as close as she could get to Seth without falling off. Ryan looked at them with envy, wanting to be able to sleep so badly.

He tried to close his eyes, but something always made him open them. It came by too quickly to let him register what it was, but it freaked him out. Good thing Marissa drove.

Ryan stared at the other three, peacefully sleeping. How they slept while this was happening was beyond him. He looked into his bag and was happy to discover the book he packed. He'd be in for a long night.

000000000000000

The day was Sunday, Summer's last day at the hospital. Seth and Marissa visited every day, Ryan on Saturday and Sunday. Kirsten was still mad at Seth and Ryan, for their "little impromptu sleepover." sandy wasn't quite happy either, but not near as mad as Kirsten. She didn't talk to the boys a whole lot, they had been grounded. Seth actually lied saying he got detention so that he could see Summer. It took Kirsten two days to figure out the lie. His grounding would be more pushed. Seth deifed it again, and that was when Kirsten gave up.

Seth, Marissa, and Ryan walked into the hospital room to find Summer curled up, crying her eyes out. Her small body was shaking, her hair a mess.

"Summer?" Seth asked, horrified at what he saw.

"It's official. I heard them." Summer looked up for a moment. She had been crying for an hour, hearing her father take about it in her room while she was sleeping sixty minutes ago.

"Oh Summer...." Seth knew what she meant and he ran to hold her. She didn't hold him, just let him hold her as she cried.

"Guys, I don't really want any visitors right now. I mean, I need you, cause, cause, I'm going away, but I just need time to think. Is that all right with you guys?" Summer didn't want to see anyone. She needed to be alone. Seeing the people she would leave was too much. But yet, she didn't want to be alone.

"Yeah, that's cool." Seth said to her disappointingly. He wanted to be with Summer, but she was thinking different. It could be the last time he saw her free. No, he couldn't think that. Summer would get out in three days, like Ryan had mentioned.

"Are you sure Sum? Maybe it might be better if we stayed." Marissa thought back to when she was going to be admitted. That had scared her, and she called Summer. But their roles had been reversed. Marissa was the one looking down at the sickly Summer.

"No don't. I need time to sort everything out. Maybe in a couple of hours. When I've adjusted to the idea." But Summer doubted she would ever adjust to it. She had lost. She was bring sent away.

They all looked at Summer as she tried to put on a brave front. It wasn't working. All three of them could see right through the shield. They wanted to sneak Summer out, but it wasn't such a smart idea.

"Sum, where do you have to go? I mean, it might not be that far so we can visit a ton." Marissa asked cautiously. She wanted to know but it might be hard for Summer.

"Well, I heard my dad say something about Willow Creek...." Summer said to them, it felt easy to talk to them. As much as she didn't want to talk about it, it helped.

"I, uh...I gotta go." Ryan bolted out of the room. The others watched him head to the elevator and disappear inside it. Marissa was horribly confused. What had happened? What was wrong with Ryan? Seth and Summer didn't understand either, but Summer was so preoccupied that she wasn't as worried as Marissa. Marissa wanted to go talk to Ryan, but she didn't feel much like leaving Summer at the moment.

Ryan walked to the door and took a seat outside like before. The smoke calmed him. Though he needed fresh air, smoke-filled air was just as good at that moment. He had to sort through things, just like Summer. All their worlds were falling apart, leaving them to pick up the pieces. Ryan was losing it bit by bit, catching them as fast as they fell from his grasp. But the pieces were falling down too fast, he'd lose eventually.

"Sum, do you want us to leave still?" Marissa asked her, finally breaking the silence after Ryan's unexpected exit.

"I guess not. It might be good for me." Summer answered, the last few tears finding their way down her face.

"You're gonna be okay." Seth sat down next to her on the bed, as did Marissa.

"I'm scared." Summer couldn't express how scared she was. What would happen? Who would be there? What would she do without Newport?

"I know you are, but it'll be okay. You might only be in there for three days." Seth hoped this would bring up Summer's spirits.

"How so?" He saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes, they weren't just dark and dull.

"Well, Ryan told me that after three days there's a trial to see if you have to stay in. Maybe even my dad can be your attorney." Seth told Summer. There might be hope that she would be okay.

"I don't wanna go Seth." Summer felt another batch of tears pour down her face. She buried her head in his chest, getting as close to him as she could.

"I know you don't. But it'll be okay. I'll come over as early as I can tomorrow. How does that sound?" Seth attempted.

"Seth, that doesn't help! I'm still going." Summer complained to him. She was shaking again, Seth held her close.

"Sum, it'll be okay. Just do everything they ask and you'll get out in three days." Marissa tried her luck at cheering Summer up.

"My dad wants me in there. He's gonna fight to keep me in there." Summer stared at Marissa with a look of longing in her eyes. Marissa couldn't do a thing about it.

"We'll fight to keep you out." Seth wasn't going to lose Summer.

"Don't do anything they can use to keep you in." Marissa added.

"I'll try, but I don't know how successful I'll be." Summer told them.

They sat there in silence, dreading what was to come. Ryan still sat outside, the air had grown cold. For being in January, it wasn't so cold. Maybe 55, at most. Other places it would be about ten degrees and snowing. But it never snowed, at least not to Ryan's recollection. It just rained. A lot. Rain fell down practically every day. It had yet to rain today, but eventually it would. It always did.

"Is this seat taken?" Marissa asked. Ryan, looking at him. She remembered the last time she asked this. It had been the first day back to school after the shooting. Summer was in her room, and Seth was still in a coma. A lot had changed since then.

"No." Ryan glanced up at Marissa, and looked back ahead. Marissa sat down.

"So....what's up?" Marissa tried to start a conversation. She wanted to know why Ryan ran out of the room earlier.

"Nothing." Ryan wanted to be left alone. That's why he left.

"What happened earlier? You just bolted." Marissa commented. She really had been wanting to talk with Ryan. _Really_ talk.

"I needed some air." Ryan didn't want to talk with Marissa. They weren't compatible.

"Oh." Marissa could sense Ryan did not want to talk to her. "It's kinda cold out here." She wasn't letting go.

"Yeah." Ryan wished she would.

"Do you wanna go inside?" Marissa asked.

"No." Ryan wanted Marissa to leave. Marissa didn't understand why he was acting this way around her.

"Look, Ryan, I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you act like this. I don't know _what_ I did, but I'm sorry." Marissa looked at his, but he wouldn't look at her.

"It's not you." Ryan told her.

"Then why do you keep acting like this around me?" Marissa wanted answers.

"Like what?" Ryan didn't get her.

"Like I barely exist! If I did something, tell me! Because I'm sorry." Marissa exclaimed to him.

"The world doesn't revolve around you." Ryan said through gritted teeth. "Listen, I gotta go." He added and got up.

"Where?" She asked, looking longingly at him, as he turned to her.

"Anywhere but here." Ryan paused. "The Cohens, I guess."

"I thought Kirsten and Sandy were still fighting." Marissa didn't want Ryan to leave.

"I can handle fights." Ryan turned again and began to walk. Marissa got up. What had changed? Tuesday, they were friends, but the rest of the week he barely spoke to Marissa.

"How?" Marissa inquired.

"How what?" Yet again, Ryan turned back to Marissa.

"How are you getting home?" She had a good point. She drove. Ryan looked down and back up.

"My legs work." He said sarcastically.

"Why don't I just drive you home?" Marissa didn't really mind.

"No. Stay. You need to be with Summer. You're her best friend. She needs you." Ryan told her.

"You're her friend too." Marissa pointed out.

"I can't be up there." He said.

"Why?" Why the hell couldn't he be?

"Certain things." Ryan didn't want to tell her.

"Like what?" Marissa wanted to know.

"Certain things I don't want you knowing about." With that, Ryan turned his back to Marissa and walked away. She stood there staring sadly as he disappeared.

She went back inside some time later, and her and Seth stayed until nighttime when they finally had to leave. Marissa hugged Summer and never wanted to let go. She was scared, really scared.

"I'm gonna miss you, Sum." Marissa cried to her best friend, the girl who had gone through everything with. They'd done it all, battled everything. Summer and Marissa always had each other to hold and comfort, but now, they were being separated.

"I'm gonna miss you more." Summer told Marissa. She was crying too. Seth just stood to the side for now.

Eventually the girls separated and Summer wished Ryan had been there. So did Marissa and Seth. Summer and Ryan were friends, close friends. At least to Summer. He had watched over her, something so important to her. Seth now walked over to Summer, not ready to say goodbye. But he had to.

"No." Summer shook her head. "Don't hug me."

"Why?" Seth didn't understand.

"Because I know that if we hug, that's it. If we hug, it's over. I'm gone. We lost." Summer stared at Seth.

"I know Summer. But we'll regret not saying goodbye." Seth told her, and she finally nodded. They hugged, knowing that it was over.

"I love you." Summer whispered.

"I love you too." Seth said back to her, then kissing her. He and Marissa had to leave so they broke apart. Seth and Marissa began to walk out the door.

"See you two in four days." Summer called out to them, and they turned to her.

"I'll be counting down." Seth answered, mouthing 'bye.'

**And there we have it....the end of the third chapter. I think some of you may already have an inkling of what is up, and I'd love to hear your predictions. Who knows, maybe I'll use one of them. I sometimes do that. I think that my hints went overboard this chapter. But oh well, you'll have to wait and see. All I have to do is type up the next chapter, seeing as I've already finished writing it. I'm that far ahead! So....review, you know I love them. **


	4. Anywhere Except Here

**Okay, so here is another chapter! I said that I had already written it, so I figured I wouldn't let you wait too much. And I'm almost done with the chapter after this one, so I'm very ahead. And with my hints, people have finally noticed. Jeez, people I thought you'd be on it right away. I will not say what is right now, because I'm guessing it will take about....hmm.... like 3 more chapters after this one. It's amazing that I've written all this, because it seems like I have no time! But here it is! The fourth chapter!**

The car ride to the facility was silent. It was an hour and a half away from Newport, one hour from Chino. Neil drove Summer, who sat staring out the window. Not much more was left, maybe another half hour her father attempted to put the radio on a good station, but failed. Two years ago, she would've loved the song the station was playing, but now, she hated it.

Summer looked into the backseat of the car. A duffel bag was there, along with a pillow. It looked as though Summer was sleeping over at a friend's. she used her second largest bag to p0ut some of clothes and prized possessions that hadn't been trashed. Marissa, over the week, had doubled her prints of pictures of them since Summer had ripped all of hers up. She had a large packet of pictures yet to be looked at, Princess Sparkles, a snapshot of Captain Oats for Princess Sparkles, and her iPod.

Summer could tell they were getting closer, only about twenty more minutes. Wonderful. She looked out the window again. She was really scared. Everyone she knew would be gone, she would be alone. And being alone scared her.

Fifteen more minutes. Damn, was she frightened. She wanted to go home. No, not home. To Seth. And Marissa. And Ryan. They would watch over her, help her, protect her. Here, Summer was vulnerable, penetrable.

Summer began tapping on the arm rest. She was freaked. Her breathing sped up, anxiety took over. Her father told her to stop tapping. It made him nervous. She was already nervous. At that time, she practically hated him for sending her away. But he was doing what he thought was best. And she loved him. So Summer couldn't hate him.

Six minutes. In six minutes, her life would be over. Hopefully, it would only be for three days. She could see Seth in three days. Only three days she had to get through.

Summer could see the place now. _Willow Creek Treatment Facility for Adolescents,_ the sign read. Her father turned in. Trees guarded the road up. The trees were bare, all the leaves lie on the ground. The leaves were the color of blood, the ground was bleeding. Summer was bleeding inside. She swallowed as she looked forward. Her stomach flipped over about eight times, she was sick. Summer wanted to go home, be anywhere except here. Taking deep breaths, she tried to soothe herself. No luck there.

Her father sensed Summer was scared. He put his hand on hers, and looked over, giving her a smile. She looked to him, a weak smile forming on her face. She tore her gaze away from him, and began to watch as the building got closer.

Neil parked the car and Summer opened the door slowly. Neil grabbed her stuff from the backseat. Wind blew at her, there was a chill in the air. People up in the windows above her stared down, soon she would be among them.

The two walked to the front doors, where they were buzzed in and nurses took them into the main office. Summer zoned out as her father talked to the director. They set her up for a three day stay, and then a trial would occur to discuss if she needed to stay longer. Summer didn't want to listen, because if she listened, she knew this was actually happening. It still freaked her out. This wasn't getting any easier to deal with Summer thought as a nurse led her up stairs. She barely had said goodbye to her father before being pulled away.

Summer was shaking, holding onto the railing for support. Her other arm held her pillow, the nurse was holding her bag. the nurse led Summer up two more flights of stairs and through a door. A hall was in front of her, some girls sat on a couch at the very end of the hall.

"Come on, hun." The nurse pushed Summer. She led her to one of the rooms. "This is your room. You're the bed on the right." The nurse put the bag on Summer's new bed, as Summer placed her pillow down. She heard light footsteps. "Oh, and here's your roommate, Nicole. I'll leave you alone. Nicole, can you show her around?" The nurse asked.

"Sure." Nicole said to the nurse as she left. Summer didn't want to look over. She opened her bag and tried to preoccupy herself. "Hi." Nicole offered. Summer didn't respond. She didn't look over. "I am talking to you, if you were wondering." Nicole walked closer, and Summer finally looked up at her. "Hi." Nicole leaned on the bed, she had brown hair, but not as dark as Summer's/ she was taller than Summer, and thin, but not near as thin as Summer.

"Hi." Summer said to her, awkward.

"What's your name?" Nicole asked, now moving to her own bed. Pictures were on her wall, of little kids and people her own age.

"Summer." She told Nicole, wanting some alone time.

"Cool, like the season. Mine's Nikki by the way. Why don't you come with me and meet everyone else? You can unpack later. Plus, they probably won't let you." Nikki told her.

"Okay." Summer would've said no, but she did kinda want to leave. They were watching. So she followed Nikki out of the room and to the couch Summer had seen. The place wasn't all white, like movies made it seem. Her room was a light blue, but the open areas were white. A nurses' station was behind Summer, some girls sat on chairs and couch in front of her, their eyes glued to the tv.

"Guys." Nikki called and six heads turned to her and Summer. "This is our new girl, Summer." Summer felt really uncomfortable.

"Hey." They all said at different times and turned their heads back to the tv.

"Price is Right. That's how we spend morning free time. We all have strict, but not very strict stuff to do. We all have individual, and then we go to Group in the afternoon. We have stuff like arts and crafts shit and maybe we'll go out for a walk. If we get lucky enough. Sometimes, we go to the pool. It's never usually open, but when they fill it up, for those two weeks, it's heaven. We have an hour and a half in the library, where we get out homework faxed in." Nikki explained. "Come on, sit down. Let the Price is Right take over." The two sat, but Nikki kept explaining. "Oh yeah, we all go to different stuff next, like Anger Management, or Art Therapy, or Music Therapy, it depends. Then we go to lunch, and come back for Group. Then we Afternoon Free Time, then Individual, then finally we go to the library. That's until dinner. Then we come back for Evening Free Time. You can really do whatever you want during those times, but you can not go to your room."

"Oh." Summer tried to relax, but she couldn't. This was happening, really happening.

"So, what are you in for?" Nikki asked her.

"I'd rather not talk about it." Summer was scared. Nikki was about to say something, but stopped.

"I'll let you learn the hard way." She finally said and looked back to the television. Bob Barker was just yelling about a brand new car, in the Showcase Showdown. They watched on, for about ten more minutes.

"Summer Roberts." A nurse called Summer and she got up, going to the nurses' station. "I wanted to tell you that you have Art Therapy next."

"Thanks." Summer whispered and began to walk toward the couch she had been sitting on, but stopped. She didn't want to be there. So she walked the other way, into her room. She sat in-between the wall and her new bed. She needed Seth. It had only been a few minutes, and already she couldn't take it. She was falling apart at the seams.

"Summer." Another girl called her name about five minutes later. This girl had dirty blonde hair, and was about Summer's height. Her arms were heavily bandaged, and she winced every time something hit her arms. "Come on." Summer slowly got up and followed the girl. Everyone else was gone and the girl led Summer down a different staircase. "I'm Kaci." She told Summer Kaci looked over at Summer's bandaged wrist. "Do you do it too?" Kaci asked, and Summer looked to her, wanting to say something, but her voice had disappeared. "Sorry." Kaci apologized and led the way down another hall into a small room, with five easels. Tow other girls were in there already, from before. They sat on a bench. Kaci and Summer sat with the girls.

"Hi, I'm Evan." A girl with brown hair and nothing wrong with her to the eyes.

"And I'm Lauren." The second girl had blond hair, covered with a hat. She was terribly thin, thinner than Summer, who had gained a pound or two since she had tried to kill herself.

"Ah, new girl!" A woman came out of nowhere, or her office, exclaimed. Her hair was pulled in a bun with some curls falling down out of it. "What would your name be?"

"Summer." She answered.

"Like the season, I love it! You're given me an idea for tomorrow. Now, girls, to the easels." The four stood up and each went to an easel. "Today, I want you to paint whatever you feel. In other words, a free day. Put emotion into your paintings." The woman went over to Summer as the others got paint. "As you can see, there is the paint. My name is Marie, if you need help." Marie left Summer and she went to get paints.

When Summer returned to her easel, she was confused. Paint what you feel. What does that mean? How can you paint what you feel? She didn't know how she felt. Scared, that was it. How can you paint being scared? All the other girls were busy painting. From what Summer could see, Kaci was painting red glass. Summer couldn't see the others.

Paintings were all around the room. Marie only put up ones done by patients. Their initials would be in the bottom right corner. N. G, R. A., E. F., A. E.... all done by patients. With artistic ability. Summer had none.

She looked at her blank easel again. Nothing came to mind. She had another hour and a half, wasting a half an hour. She couldn't think straight. How could she express her emotions if she couldn't get them in order?

Summer picked up a paintbrush. She didn't dip it in paint. She didn't know what to do. Everyone else was busy painting some masterpiece, and Summer was stuck. Maybe blank was what she felt. Nothing. No, she felt things, but she had no clue on how to paint them.

Ten minutes had passed. This was going to be long. She heard paper tearing. Evan had finished a painting. What the hell? Summer couldn't even put the damn paintbrush in the stupid paint.

"Uh, Summer...." Marie's voice came from behind her. She looked confused, trying to find the right words. "Keep trying." Marie rushed off.

One hour, twenty minutes, and no paint strokes later, Art Therapy had ended. Summer felt stupid, but tried not to show it. She followed Kaci, Evan and Lauren down some more stairs into a cafeteria.

"Come on, I'll help you get through the line." Evan told her. Summer watched Evan as she picked up a tray and a spoon. Summer followed suit. "Now, the food isn't so good, but you deal. It's not as bad as the hospital food. But they have to make everything okay to eat with a spoon. No forks or knives allowed here." Evan took a plate of a chicken like substance and moved on. Summer did the same. They went through the line, taking a milk or water and finally exiting the line. "That's our table." Evan pointed to a table almost in the middle of the cafeteria. Lauren and Kaci were right behind them and they all walked to the table.

Nikki and three other girls already sat there, not talking a lot, just eating.

"Hey Summer." Nikki greeted her and Summer sat next to her.

"Hi, I'm Mika." A girl across from Nikki said to Summer. She had orange hair, with the blond roots showing. She wasn't painfully thin, nor did she have bandaged arms.

"I'm Alicia." The girl next to Mika said. She didn't smile, but Summer saw her slightly deteriorated teeth.

"Bree." The last girl, next to Nikki said. With platinum blond hair and a pale complexion, she looked like a super-model. Her hands shook as she picked up her water, splashing it around.

Summer looked down. She didn't want to be here. This was all a dream, it had to be. That was the only logical explanation for this. She could hear Mika and Nikki ;start up a conversation, but who cared. This was a dream, it was a dream. All Summer had to do was keep repeating that in ehr head and it would be a dream.

She took deep breaths, she had to calm herself. But she was scared. Really scared. What if she couldn't get out in three days? What if she was stuck in here for longer? The thought freaked her out more. She was losing it, again. She had to think positively. Prove she wasn't insane. She wasn't insane like the others. But, could they be considered insane? They seemed like normal girls. But then again, what was normal?

"So, Summer. Where are you from?" Nikki looked over.

"Orange County." Summer whispered. She knew that if she said Newport, they would ask about the shooting, and she did not want to talk about it. Still, they might not know about the shooting. Hell, who was she fooling? _Everyone_ knew about the shooting.

"Another O.C.er! Awesome! Matches my hair. Very cool." Mika exclaimed and everyone except Summer started laughing.

"Bree here is from the O.C. Right, Bree?" Alicia added.

"Yeah." Bree nodded her head.

"So, what's been happening in the O.C.? Haven't heard anything since that shooting... where was that again?" Mika wondered.

"Harbor High. But it's strange, don't you think? That's a private school. I would've guessed a public school would've had it happen." Lauren answered.

"Laur, there's only been one other school shooting. How can you pinpoint what kind of school it'll be in?" Nikki asked.

"I guess so." Lauren agreed.

"Bree, didn't you say you knew someone in that shooting?" Evan asked Bree. Summer was glad no one was asking her questions. She wasn't ready.

"Uh-huh. My old neighbor, Gabby." That name seemed slightly familiar to Summer. She thought maybe Marissa might've mentioned it.

"It's a shame. That that happened. I don't know if I would've made it. Even if I got out safely." Kaci said. She took a quick look down at her arms.

"Same here." Evan agreed. Their conversation was cut short by lunch ending. Summer got even more freaked. They would make her talk. She knew she should, but it was hard. Her voice disappeared when they asked her things. She barely choked out the words she did.

All eight of them climbed the stairs to their floor, or ward. Everything was the same, had she expected it to change? The rest of them walked past the couches, and into a room before the hall. Inside of the room was nine chairs, one of them was already occupied by a woman, in her twenties, looking through papers.

"Hey Claire." Nikki greeted the woman as they entered.

"Hi Nikki." Claire said without looking up. "Um, we have a new girl named...."

"Summer. Yeah, we know." Nikki explained. Claire finally looked up.

"Oh, hi! I'm Claire, the Group director. You can take a seat and we'll get started." Claire shook hands with Summer. After that, Summer sat down next to Nikki and Evan. "Okay, so you all know Summer. But I thought maybe she could tell us a little bit about herself. Summer?" All eyes were on Summer. She closed her eyes to make them stop staring.

"My name is Summer Roberts and I live in Orange County with my dad and step-mom." Summer didn't know what else to say. She opened her eyes to see everyone still expecting more. She didn't give any.

"Okay, good. Um, does anyone have anything else to say?" Claire desperately wanted a conversation, but wasn't getting one. No one spoke, they all seemed a little awkward. Summer looked down. She saw her heels. They were uncomfortable. She needed to ask for sneakers or something. Heels and jeans weren't working well. If she was gonna stay here, she needed some comfortable shoes...No, she wasn't staying here long. Three days. That was it.

Summer heard a discussion start, but she chose not to listen to it. She didn't want to. It would make this all too real, which she already didn't want it to be. She would go home in three days, and never look back. She'd learn to be a good little girl and never annoy or upset anyone ever again.

She couldn't get stuck in here, she just couldn't. This was her senior year. She couldn't blow it. Or, had she already? Missing a month of school, and add another week to that. She doubted she would graduate. She had to graduate. With Ryan, Marissa, and Seth. What would she do if she didn't? Deal with another year of high school? No way. Maybe she could take summer school courses. Who would've thought summer school would be a last resort? How had her life fallen apart so horribly? Three months ago, they were fine. Pissed off, but fine.

Summer sat in Group the whole time without uttering another word. They all would look over, wanting her to talk, but she wouldn't. She was scared.

Group finally ended, the girls were given an hour and forty minutes to spend in the day-room. No going to your room though. You had to talk to people. And if you didn't, a nurse would come over. The day-room had a ping pong table, a million board games, a couple decks of cards, all sorts of stuff.

"It used to be bigger. So I've heard." Alicia commented as they walked in.

"Hell, yeah! Twice this size. Before they split it" Nikki told all the girls.

"You could talk to the other girls in the ward next to us." Mika added as she served the ping pong ball to Nikki.

"Didn't they have guys and girls sharing the day-room once?" Bree asked.

"Guys?" Lauren wondered in amazement.

"They tried it. But they were afraid that romances would start. So they put girls in the other ward. Still were scared of romances, so they split the day-room up. The only time I ever got to hang out with the guys was when for three days, everyone had to be shipped out to nearby hospitals so they could build the walls." Nikki explained to them all as she played ping pong with Mika.

"Anyways, do you want to play a game?" Kaci asked Summer as the others talked.

"Sure." Summer would do anything to get out of here.

"How about checkers? I'm really good at checkers." Summer had only played checkers a tiny bit. With her father's mother. Who died. When Summer was eight.

"Okay." Summer nodded and hoped she could get through this. Kaci grinned and ran to get the checkers board. She came back and the two set up the board. Summer did know what she was doing, but she just wasn't good enough for Kaci. Kaci really knew how to play. She'd clean Summer off so fast, sometimes Summer didn't even know what was happening. After a while, Evan played against Summer, and not knowing much about checkers, Summer beat her. Soon, everyone wanted to play, and they took turns. Summer left her seat and then sat on a couch and watched. She watched as the time finally went by.

A nurse eventually told her where she would be going. Afternoon Free Time ended, and Summer led herself to the therapist's room. There were two doors, and her and Bree had to sit on a couch outside the offices, waiting for their therapist.

A door opened and Summer was sent inside. It seemed like a normal office, degrees were on the walls.

"Sit." A woman, in her thirties, said to Summer. Summer sat on the couch and looked at the woman. The woman was relatively pretty, with jet-black hair and a great fake tan. She smiled at Summer, showing off her porcelain Veneers. "Hi, Summer. I'm Kelly, your therapist."

"Hi." Summer whispered.

"I don't know a whole lot about you, except that your name is Summer, you're seventeen, and you tried to kill yourself. Am I right so far?" Summer nodded. "Good. I thought for today, we might start off with the basics. Get to know you. So, let's start with your family. Do you have any siblings?"

"No." Summer used to wish when she was little that she could have a younger brother or sister. Never got one.

"Okay. How about your parents? Are they still together?" Kelly wanted to help Summer, but she didn't know how deep the problems went.

"No." Summer didn't want to be in this room.

"How old were you when they separated?" Kelly wasn't getting very good responses. She never did the first day.

"Seven." Summer remembered the day they told her they were separating. She ran upstairs, packed stuff, and hid in her closet, with a note on her desk saying she ran away. She thought they might have gotten back together if she was missing. They found her, and they separated.

"Wow. That's a pretty young age to deal with that." Summer didn't move. "Did either of your parents remarry?"

"Both." Summer didn't look up at Kelly.

"When did your mother remarry?" Kelly asked.

"When I was eleven." Summer knew her mother had a whole other life now. Summer might have step-siblings, she didn't know. She hadn't had a real conversation with her mother since she was thirteen. Summer always tried to ignore her mother at all costs. Marissa should take some lessons from her.

"How about your father?"

"When I was nine." Summer remembered that wedding so well. She was the flower girl, dressed in a beautiful, long, white dress and she threw those flowers around so beautifully. Everyone had loved her.

"Okay. Who do you live with now?" Kelly wasn't getting that far. By this time, her patients usually put some emotion into their answers.

"My dad." It was as if Summer was filling out a survey.

"All right. Why don't we talk about friends. Do you have any friends?"

"Uh-huh." Summer nodded to the floor.

"Who's your best friend?" Kelly hoped she would get a little deeper.

"Marissa." Summer didn't want to talk about Marissa. Summer had kept a lot of secrets for Marissa. She didn't want anything about Marissa or any of the people she knew to come out from her lips.

"How long have you been friends with Marissa?" Every time Summer said something, Kelly wrote a little note in her notebook.

"All my life." Summer couldn't think of a time when she didn't know 'Coop.'

"She's a good friend, yes?" Summer nodded. "Has she ever tempted you with alcohol or drugs?" She shook her head. "Do you and Marissa drink?" Summer looked up to see Kelly's serious face. She nodded. "Do you two drink a lot? Like, so much you pass out?" Summer hadn't known that Marissa had been asked the same exact question a year and a half ago, except Marissa answered. They always answered when they weren't hiding anything.

Summer looked down. She promised Marissa she wouldn't say anything. But this woman could be trusted, right? No she couldn't. She would use everything Summer said against her in the trial. Nope, Kelly could not be trusted with Summer's secrets.

Kelly could see it Summer's almost hidden eyes. She was hiding something. but what? Kelly had seen this all too many times in teens.

"Summer... do you drink so much that you pass out?" Kelly stared at Summer.

"No." Summer didn't want to tell the therapist about Marissa.

"Summer." She didn't look up. "Summer, look at me." Summer refused. "Summer, please look at me." A tear ran down Summer's face. She wanted to spill everything about Marissa and all the pain they went through, but she couldn't. This was about Summer, not Marissa. They were best friends, Summer swore to secrecy. Summer had known Marissa all her life, this Kelly person only a tiny bit. Who could be trusted more? That's right. Marissa could.

Kelly was upset. Summer was hiding more things than she imagined. But she couldn't get anywhere if Summer didn't let her into some of the feelings.

"Summer," Kelly began once again and finally looked up, another tear ran down her face. "If you can't let us in, we can't let you out."

**Ah! I didn't think I would finish this chapter so freaking fast! But, what do you guys think? Some of the stuff might be off with the whole mental facility thing, but I asked my mom about a lot of stuff, but I still changed a couple of the things. See, my grandfather is a paranoid schizophrenic, and my mom knows all about institutions. Because my grandfather has been in and out of them for eighteen or nineteen years. But, anyways, I'm almost finished with the next chapter, and you will not get to see Summer until the chapter after next. Sorry! I just kept writing and all of a sudden...BAM! Another chapter...LOL. Okay, I have to go and write! Or do my homework...whatever is more important...um...writing. Ha. **


	5. Only The Lonely

**Here is another chapter, I won't type much here just because I always write way too much. So, here is chapter 5, what has been happening in Newport. Let's see....**

It was Wednesday and Marissa had found herself alone once again. She didn't even have Seth or Ryan, not talking to them since Sunday. Marissa felt lost in the hallway. For the first time in her life, she was completely alone. She had no one. Sometimes it felt that way, but she had Ryan, Seth, Summer, even Luke. She had always had a confident. Now, she had nothing.

Marissa had barely gotten through school yesterday. Of course, no one knew about Summer. It was bound to be out by then. She wanted to go home. Call Summer. See how she was doing. But no calls for the first 72 hours. She hoped she would only have to deal with today and tomorrow like this. Then Summer would be all right. Of course, they'd have to deal with everything, like rumors and staring, but they knew how to handle it. They had been. Amazing to think Marissa and Summer used to own this school.

She finally got out of her car. Sitting in it for ten minutes was not good. She doubted she would be late. She didn't sleep for the last two nights, she missed her best friend. Walking into the school, she heard familiar voices.

"Did you hear about Summer Roberts?" A group of girls, headed by Holly Fisher, was in the middle of the hall gossiping. Marissa used to be a part of that group, actually the head of them all.

"I was there. She was like flipping out on John. I wanted to help, but I was like, afraid." Holly complained. She looked nothing like the girl who was worried about her sister in the hospital. Marissa wanted to see how Liz was. So she began to walk over.

"Isn't it weird? Your two old best friends both tried to kill themselves. Wouldn't you be next?" One of Holly's new best friends said.

"Nah. I'm not unstable." Holly blew it off. They still hadn't noticed Marissa.

"Don't talk about her like that." Marissa commented to them and they jumped.

"About who?" The girls looked at Marissa like she was a virus.

"Summer. She was your friend Holly, don't talk about her like that." Marissa didn't want to pick up a fight, but it seemed like she was.

"You were my friend too." She didn't know what Holly meant.

"My boyfriend cheated on me with you." Marissa accused.

"I wasn't the only one." Holly lost a bit of her evil grin that had been plastered on her face.

"Can we not talk about this? This wasn't the reason I came over. I kinda wanted to know how your sister was." Marissa watched as Holly's face fell. Holly looked away, holding back tears, and Marissa knew. Liz Fisher was dead. "I'm so sorry Holly."

"It's fine. It was her time to go." Holly was about to walk away, but she turned back to Marissa. "And hey, thanks. For reminding me of my loss." Holly commented sarcastically.

Marissa stood there for a second, stunned. What had just happened? She watched as Holly and her friends walked away. For a second, the real Holly had shown. But only for a second.

Marissa began to walk down the hall, alone again. She was pissed at the world, for leaving her like this. She hadn't tasted alcohol in ten hours. She was proud of herself. But a drink would be needed, sooner than later or she would lose it. Marissa hated being this alone. She had never been this alone before. A totally a new experience, only for the lonely.

Marissa felt a presence near her, and knew it was Ryan. She always felt this way when he was around. It used to make her happy, because they were together. But now, it saddened her, making her want the one thing she would never have: The past.

"Hey." Ryan said uneasily to her. She wasn't in a good mood, now she didn't want to talk.

"Hi." they continued walking down the hall, looking ahead.

"Listen, I'm sorry for some of the things I said on Sunday." Ryan knew all of them were alone, so he tried to be friends with Marissa. That's all he could do.

"Some?" Marissa refused to look over at Ryan. It was just like Sunday.

"Yeah, some. I can't apologize for everything I said." Ryan wished something would show him what to do. Spill everything or keep silent. Nothing came. So he kept silent.

"Fine." Marissa was still mad at Holly for what she said to Marissa. So Marissa took it out on Ryan.

"So, I should go. Check on Seth. For all I know, he could've started a fight." Ryan attempted to joke.

"Right, and you have to be the hero and punch someone out." Marissa snapped at him, stopping in the middle of the hallway to glare at him. Ryan stopped also, staring at Marissa awestruck. Marissa knew she shouldn't have said that. All Ryan was doing was being nice, and she vented her anger on him. She regretted what she said, but she couldn't get herself to apologize. Her face hadn't changed, was this a sign? Was her conscience telling her that they didn't belong? She wouldn't believe it, because she loved Ryan.

"Bye Marissa." Ryan left, holding no emotion in his face. He was hurt, because he knew if one person could really understand, it was Marissa. But she didn't care. So he kept his mouth shut.

Marissa stood there for another minute or so, reflecting on what had just happened. What had just happened? Ryan apologized and Marissa flipped out. Smart, Marissa thought. All she had wanted to do was talk to Ryan, and when he actually did, she freaked out.

She rushed to the bathroom, and went into the stall. She pulled out the medium sized bottle, unscrewing its' top. She began to chug it down.

Stupid. Idiot. Moron. Worthless. Hopeless. Helpless. The words ran through Marissa's head as all the liquor went down her throat. It was almost all gone. And it had been large, larger than she usually drank at school. And it had all gone down her throat.

Marissa had lost all sense of herself. She knew there was more liquor in her car. She couldn't go back out and pretend to think everything was okay. Because it wasn't okay. No one was happy anymore, and Summer leaving just made it worse.

Somehow, she stumbled out of school. She didn't remember much of that. She had gotten to her car. She remembered unlocking the door and sliding it. Getting more alcohol, but passing out before it could even touch her lips.

Marissa came to about two hours later. She didn't know how she got in her car. Her head ached. Too much alcohol. Shit. She couldn't go back in there, not even now. Oh well. So she missed a day of school. Big deal. It was Ryan's fault. She had to get out of here. Marissa put the key in the ignition. She had to leave. But where? Caleb's house would be empty by then. She headed there.

Seth watched Marissa drive away. What the hell? Why was she leaving now? They were only in the third class of the day. Seth hadn't talked to Marissa since Sunday. All three of them were mostly staying to themselves since Summer left.

He attempted to pay attention, but everything was all mixed together. Usually he understood French, but today, his mind was going a mile a minute. He couldn't stop thinking about Summer. What was she doing now? He hadn't talked to her or seen her since Sunday. He was going insane without her. Seth's dad would see her before Seth did, Sandy was her attorney. He was only doing it for Seth. Sandy and Kirsten had been bickering, but they both wanted the same thing. Sandy had to fight for Summer to keep Seth home.

Class ended and Seth headed to his favorite, but least favorite class. He liked it because he did enjoy to write, but hated it because it was the class where it happened. Everyday he walked past that same spot, it bothered him like hell. He didn't know much about the shooting, and he did want to know. Seth hadn't had time to dwell on the shooting and the people lost. He had changed so much since then, everyone had. An old Seth died in that shooting. He was never as happy as he tried to be before. Maybe it was because of Summer, but before, Seth wasn't let anywhere near Summer, and he was still a little happy. Everything was different now.

Seth walked alone to English class, he could've met Ryan, if he went out of his way, but he didn't feel like it. He entered the third floor class, and today a little less people stared. But they still stared. Conversation always ceased, and most of the eyes would follow him to his seat.

Seth saw Riley hang out with her punk friends, previously talking about some faux punk band. None of the school was actually punk. They fucking shopped at Abercrombie, and Aeropostale. Those places weren't punk.

Riley sat down in front of Seth, and dropped a note on Seth's desk. He unwrapped it and read, _It'll get easier._ He scribbled back, _Thanks for the reassurement, but I doubt it._ He handed it to Riley and saw her laugh a bit, then write something down. She passed it back: _Heard about Summer Roberts. Knew you two were close. Sorry._ The teacher looked away and Riley turned around.

"So what is the whole deal with Summer? I heard she's in a loony bin." Riley asked Seth.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Word got around pretty fast.

"Whatevs." And Riley turned back around. Seth wanted to see Summer. He wanted to know if she was okay. It would kill him until he knew. He wished he could leave like Marissa had. He couldn't. Kirsten drove him and Ryan to school. Marissa had refused, just like all this week.

Seth didn't want to go home. Kirsten and Sandy weren't really fighting that much, but it was hell to be there when they did fight. Ryan and Seth avoided Kirsten and Sandy a lot when they fought. They tried to divide the house. Neither Ryan nor Seth knew what they were fighting about. Summer and Seth were mentioned a lot, that's all he knew.

It was a free write time of month, and Seth began to think of what to write. He didn't know. Make up some story, or write about something that was happening to him. He had nothing. He enjoyed writing, but he never knew what to write about. Ideas weren't his best quality. Real ideas, yes. Story ideas, hell no. He decided to write about an outcast in a school. Very autobiographical.

Soon, he was on a roll. The sadness of this guy, all the bad things that happened to Seth. He paused for a moment. The shooting had come into his mind. This character would be someone who did a school shooting. Damn, this guy was Seth. How bad had those six guys had it in this school? Maybe they came last year. The water polo team would need some people to beat up.

This made Seth think. If Ryan never had coma to Newport, how long would've it been until Seth cracked? He hated this whole school. And before, he had not a single ally. Seth would've been one of the shooters. Get back at all the people who hurt him. Well, then there had to have been a connection between all the victims. 77 people had pissed off these guys so badly that they deserved to die. Who knows how many attempted shootings? No, if these guys really wanted the person to die, they'd make sure they died. Because they deserved to die. Seth deserved to die.

Seth stared at his paper, these thoughts running through his head. He hadn't deserved to live. He should've died. What had he done to these guys? There had to have been something Seth did to piss them off. But he drew a blank. What was there? He wasn't one to make fun of strangers. Wait, yes he was. But he usually just thought the stuff, didn't say it out loud. Had he like, tripped one of the guys? That wasn't something to get you on a hit list.

"Seth. Paper." Riley was yelling at him, breaking Seth out of his trance. She was staring at him, really pissed off. Was this something worthy of getting shot?

"What?" Seth didn't know what she wanted.

"Can I have your paper? Are you done with it? Because we have to pass them up."Riley thought Seth was cool, but really, he was just plain weird.

"Uh.......yeah." Seth made sure he was done and wrote his name on top. Riley grabbed it off his desk.

Seth was a little embarrassed, but he was really freaked out by what he was discovering. He had to know what he did to one of those guys to be picked out of a thousand students to die. Seth couldn't wrap his finger around it. People wanted him dead.

Or the six people had just shot at random. But that strangely wasn't as logical. He wondered if his mother kept the newspapers from then. Wait, no, that didn't matter. He had the internet.

Class ended, and Seth ran out. He wanted to leave. If Ryan really wanted to know where Seth was, he could call. But he should leave a message. So Seth texted to Ryan, _Leaving school. See you at home later._ Seth got off the staircase and paused for a moment at the hall. He could go down two different staircases. One way would take him down the hall, the second was right in front of him. He chose the second.

No one bothered him as he left school. He swore his school cared less after the shooting. Seth walked out the door, an icy breeze welcomed him. Not a soul was out there, he was alone, just what he wanted. Where to go? He was thirsty, maybe he could go to a gas station. What gas station was around here? Seth didn't know.

But he decided to just walk away from the rebel. What a rebel Seth was. Wow, how corny was that? He always knew he was corny, but not that bad.

Seth was off the school grounds. He was ditching school. Actually ditching school. Sure, he had missed full days, but he never left school after going to it.

Seth was living on the edge.

000000000000000000

School had ended, and Seth had timed his getting home perfectly. He met up with Ryan right at the end of the driveway.

"Hey man." Seth greeted Ryan.

"Hey. So, where the hell were you all day?" Ryan was left alone all day. He was like Seth, eating alone, no one to talk to.

"Well, I was just hanging out. Living on the edge. And hey, the rents do not have to know." Seth tried to get Ryan to not say anything.

"I won't say a word." Ryan didn't really care. They walked up the driveway in silence.

"Seth!" The boys heard Kirsten scream the minute they opened the door. They glanced at each other and walked to the kitchen.

"Good luck man." Ryan said to Seth when they went in. Kirsten and Sandy stood there, looking absolutely pissed. Ryan slipped through the kitchen, as Sandy and Kirsten stared at Seth.

"Hey guys." Seth greeted his not happy parents.

"Where the hell were you today? I'm typing up a report, and all of a sudden, I get that damn automated message from the school." Everyday Seth was in the coma, they got that automated message.

"Oh." Seth didn't know how to explain himself. He had forgotten about the automated message-thingy.

"What were you thinking? Just ditching school? Seth, it's your senior year, you've missed enough school already. What made you leave?" Kirsten was fuming, she hadn't even given Sandy a chance to speak. "Well?" Nor Seth. She was screaming at him.

"I'm sorry?" Seth didn't know how to answer. He wasn't ready to answer these questions.

"Seth, what is going on? Ever since you woke up, you've been different. What's wrong?" Sandy tried his luck at being good cop.

"I miss Summer." Seth whispered to his parents. He had gotten serious all of a sudden.

"Seth...." Kirsten began.

"Seth, I'll see her tomorrow. She'll get out. I promise." Sandy interrupted his wife.

"What if you can't?" Seth asked, voicing his fears. His eyes were full of sadness, now that he thought of Summer.

"I'm gonna try my hardest." Sandy tried to cheer up his son.

"I have to go." Seth left the kitchen as his parents called him back. He ignored them both, not wanting to deal with them. Everything was coming at him all too fast. That's why he left school. Too much was happening.

Seth went into his room and slammed the door. He wasn't going back to school, he couldn't deal with it. Ryan could do it, Seth couldn't.

If he focused hard enough, he could hear his parents fighting. But he didn't want to focus. He was about to go on the internet, but he wasn't ready. No, maybe later.

Seth needed to calm down. His mind was running haywire, he couldn't think straight. All he wanted was to be with Summer. And he couldn't have that.

"Seth." Sandy's voice was outside Seth's door. As he lie on the bed, he ignored Sandy. "Seth, can I come in?"

"Whatever." Seth mumbled to his father and the door opened. Sandy walked in, glaring at Seth.

"She's gonna het out." Sandy said to his son.

"Okay." Seth didn't look up at Sandy.

"Look at me when I'm talking." Seth rolled his eyes and looked up. "I saw that. Now, I'm doing this for you."

"So, you don't care about Summer at all. Just me. Great reasons, Dad." Seth snapped and looked away.

"Hey, you're putting words in my mouth. I didn't say that." Sandy wasn't too happy with Seth.

"You meant it." Seth mumbled.

"No, I didn't. Seth, what is wrong? Tell me. It's okay." Sandy wasn't going to leave. Both of them knew that.

"I miss Summer." Seth answered. He didn't want to talk about, especially to his dad.

"I know you do, but she's gonna come back." Sandy tried to put Seth's spirits up.

"When?" Seth turned back at Sandy, an unknown fear in his eyes.

"Maybe tomorrow, maybe some time after that." Sandy couldn't lie. He didn't know if he could get Summer out of the mental institute.

"So you're saying you can't get her out?" Seth was taking Sandy's words and changing them.

"Seth, I'm gonna try my hardest. I'm going against her father and well, I don't know. But I'm gonna try. I can promise you that." Sandy said to Seth.

"Now a whole lot to promise, Dad." Seth told his father.

"Seth, if she does get more time in there, you'll get to see her. There are two to four visitation days a month. It won't be so bad." Sandy tried to figure out when Seth had redistanced himself from Kirsten and him. He had been close with his parents, up until the shooting. After waking up from the coma, Seth picked up fights with Kirsten and defied them constantly.

"Okay." Seth was sick of talking. He wanted to be left alone.

"Are you sure?" Sandy was confused. Seth was all of a sudden okay with what was happening.

"Yeah, Dad. I'm fine. Listen, I have this project and it's due soon so I should really get to work on it." Seth got off his bed and began to push his dad out of his room.

"Oh, okay, but if you wanna talk......" Sandy began.

"Yeah, I know. But, I gotta work now...so bye." Seth got his father out of his room. Finally. Seth couldn't stand that talk. He needed to be alone, just to think.

Seth debated whether or not to go on the computer now. He wasn't sure if he was ready to go on the internet. He could go, but just not search up on the shooting. Because his head was too messed up to think. He could not concentrate.

Downstairs, Seth could hear Sandy go back into the kitchen. Kirsten was complaining, but Seth didn't care.

"How was he?" Kirsten asked Sandy when he came down the stairs.

"Pessimistic." Sandy answered.

"What should we do?" Kirsten felt bad for her son. She never could've gotten through all the stuff he had.

"What can we do? Other than what we are doing? This is his problem. He's in love with the girl. We can't change that." Sandy explained.

"It wasn't this hard when we were younger." Kirsten sat down.

"Yeah, I know. We didn't have to go through shootings. Well, I kinda did because I heard them occasionally in New York, but I was never shot and you lived here and I didn't even know there were bullets, or even a gun in Newport, because if you're rich and snobby, you can just...." He rambled.

"Sandy." Kirsten warned, her nerves growing thin.

"Right. Rambling. Sorry." Sandy apologized. "But, what I was saying, is that times have changed. Crime is high. Teens are susceptible to violence more and more. We can't do much more about this." Sandy told her.

"I know, I just wish we could help him more." Kirsten felt lost, her son was going through so much, and what could she do? Barely nothing.

"I do too., but some stuff he has to do on his own." Sandy said.

"I know that too. But the last time he had to do stuff on his own, it was last summer and he ran away." Kirsten pointed out.

"But we found him two weeks later." Sandy remembered last summer, when he got Seth's credit card report. They found where he had been and tracked him down.

"What if we hadn't? What if he hadn't used his credit card and we never found him? Where would we be then?" Kirsten knew it would've been worse.

"I don't know. But trust me on this. Everything will turn out okay." Sandy reassured his wife.

"I hope you're right."

**Well, another chapter done. Good for me. I got the chapter title from the Motels' song, Only the Lonely. Good song, download it. Well, I have about one and a half more chapters written so I better get typing. Don't forget to review, you know I love them!**


	6. Deciding Fate

**Again, I am here with more of this story. Damn, it took forever to type this. I have the next few chaps planned. Thank you all for the reviews, I feel so loved! This chap includes everyone! Isn't that special? Okay, here it is.....**

Thursday was here, the day of the trial. Kirsten had a meeting that day, so she was rushing around like a mad woman. Ryan sat there, watching her run around and Sandy walked in.

"Good morning," Sandy greeted them and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Can't talk. Running late. Meeting," Kirsten said in between visits to the kitchen. "You should be going soon. And the boys too. Where's Seth?" She continued to grab random papers.

"I'm on it," Ryan raced out of the Kirsten, he had seen enough of Kirsten's madness.

"Shouldn't you be rushing around or something?" Kirsten asked, finally stopping rampage and began to organize her papers.

"Nope. Got everything in here," Sandy lifted his briefcase. "And I packed last night."

"Smart. Unlike me," Kirsten commented as Ryan came back down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"He's sick. Can't go to school," Ryan told Kirsten and went back to his cereal.

"No. He is going to school. Go tell him that," Kirsten ordered Ryan and he began to get up.

"Come on. Let him stay home," Sandy tried to convince Kirsten.

"No. He has missed a whole month of school already. He is too far behind. He can't miss another day," Kirsten complained.

"Well, he did say he has a project.... That might be why he's staying home," Sandy thought about the talk he had with Seth last night.

"That's not the reason," Ryan said.

"Then what is? Is it because of Summer's trial? He's not going to it. No," Kirsten was almost finished with organizing her papers.

"No, it's not that," Ryan sat back down.

"Then what?" Kirsten shut her briefcase and poured more coffee.

"Well, when you've been out for a month and your girlfriend just had a public outburst and is the talk of the week, you're not too keen on going to school," Ryan explained.

"Really?" Kirsten asked sadly, not knowing what was really going on with her son.

"Yeah. Tons of stares and whispers," Ryan used to get those, when he had first come to Newport.

"Well, I have to go. You should be going too," Kirsten said to Sandy. "I can't drive you, Ryan. Can you drive him, Sandy? Or will you be late?"

"Nah. The trial's at ten. No worries," Sandy replied.

"All right, I have to go, and say bye to Seth. You two should be going. I want one of my boys to graduate this year. Bye Ryan, bye Sandy," Kirsten left the kitchen to say goodbye to Seth. When she said bye to him, he hardly had any emotion. Back downstairs, Sandy checked his watch as Kirsten yelled bye to them again.

"Oh, we should go. Come on," Ryan went to grab his bag and they heard Kirsten drive away. Then, Ryan came back into the kitchen. "Let's go," Sandy led Ryan to the stairs. "See ya, Seth!"

"Bye!" Seth screamed back. Sandy and Ryan went outside to the car. They got in, and Sandy pulled out of the driveway.

"So.....how's school been going for you?" Sandy tried to start a conversation with Ryan.

"It's been good," Ryan answered, looking out of the car.

"Haven't seen Marissa in a while. Since Thanksgiving in fact. How are you two?" Sandy didn't know what was happening with Ryan. He always took the back seat in conversations and such, letting Kirsten and Sandy talk about Seth, and occasionally Summer.

"Complicated. Very complicated," Ryan answered, not used to the attention.

"Ah, I see. So there's no one else...." Sandy really had no clue what was going on with Ryan.

"No."

"How about Theresa? She should be due soon, right?" Sandy thought about last summer.

"Yeah, I don't know. She moved to Atlanta a while ago," Ryan answered. He missed Theresa, he had known her all his life. They helped each other through everything.

"Atlanta? You never said anything," Sandy pointed out. The fact really was, that Ryan never had a chance to say anything. Seth had woken up, so Ryan practically became invisible. Only Seth mattered, he got all the attention, Ryan was used to it. He had dealt with that most of the time in Chino.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Sandy pulled in front of the school.

"Oh, it's fine. Here we are. Have a good day," Ryan got out and of car and looked back.

"Thanks, see ya," Ryan turned towards the school and began to walk to the doors. Sandy waved goodbye to him. Ryan walked into the school, and saw the memorial. Less people were on the injury board, more people on the casualties board. No one looked at Ryan, he was invisible once again. He didn't mind that. It was okay. Just what he needed. His mind was pretty messed up already and he didn't need people talking to him to confuse his head more.

Ryan thought about Seth, and what had happened. Seth was really out of it, more than usual. He only told Ryan to say he was sick and that was it. Ryan knew Seth was worried about Summer, so was he. But Seth was just out of it. What would happen if Summer stayed in there? Not good, not good at all.

Ryan opened his locker, and put a book in it. He closed it and turned to go to his homeroom. About halfway down the hall, Marissa stood looking at him. Their eyes looked, and she attempted a weak wave and smile. Ryan didn't return them, and rushed off to his homeroom. He still wasn't happy with her after what she said to him. It would've been okay if it had been a joke, but it hadn't been one.

Marissa looked around for Seth, but he was nowhere in the hall. Or the homeroom. Maybe he got off. Maybe he going to see Summer. Lucky ass.

She went to first period alone, Seth didn't come. She did the lab with another girl, who didn't know anything. Marissa ended up doing the lab mostly by herself.

Second period came and Ryan was already sitting in his seat. Marissa didn't sit in her normal seat. She went over to Ryan.

"Hi," She greeted him, smiling. She was hoping he'd forgive her.

"Hi," Ryan wasn't in a good mood, and he definitely showed it.

"How are you?" Marissa needed an ally in school. She couldn't take having no one much longer.

"Fine," Ryan didn't seem all that keen on being her ally. He really didn't want a thing to do with Marissa.

"Where's Seth? Is he going to see Summer?" Marissa asked, wondering. If he was, she wanted to know how everything went. And maybe, she'd hear it from Summer herself.

"He's at home," Ryan really did not want to talk to Marissa. Couldn't she get that hint?

"Lucky," She commented, hoping maybe it would strike up a conversation.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed, looking away from her. He was getting really awkward around her.

"So, I guess I'll go," Marissa hoped Ryan would tell her to stay and then apologize for his behavior and she would apologize and then they could at least be friends.

"Okay." _Finally._

"Okay. Bye," Marissa sadly got up. Her wish didn't happen. Whoever wished for things was stupid. They never happened, as much as you try to get it. Even if it so simple as a conversation, you can't get one.

"Bye," Marissa now went to her usual seat, far away from Ryan. Everything was so messed up between them, all the things they said to each other, it was just said in the heat of the moment.

Ryan's mind went back to what Seth was doing, and the reversal. Seth was thinking about how Ryan and Marissa were stuck at school. Losers. He hd gotten out of it, all thanks to Sandy. When Kirsten had come up to say goodbye, she had been upset and hugged Seth, trying to fight back tears. Seth had to admit, he was a little touched by it.

His mind went onto the shooting, amazingly not Summer. He didn't want to think about her because it upset him. So his gaze fell on his computer. He had wanted to read what had happened.

Seth got off his bed, and turned on his computer. He clicked onto the internet, and checked his buddy list once he was signed on. No one was on. Not like he had a while lot of people. Ryan, Marissa, Summer, Luke, and Anna. Wow, five people. Congrats. At least it was better than none.

Seth went on google, and typed in Harbor High. He was getting tons of sources. But someone came online. Anna. _Hey,_ she greeted him and he returned the gesture, also asking why she was on. _Snow day_. A few seconds later, he say she was typing:

_Listen, I heard about the shooting and I meant to call, but I didn't know really if I should, since it was probably hard to deal with. But I did try. Then, not that long ago, I saw that you had been hurt, and I felt horrible. How are you?_

So he replied: _I woke up from my coma about a two or three weeks ago._

She flipped out: _Coma? I'm calling right now_. And no sooner than two minutes later, his cell phone rang.

"Hey Anna," He greeted his once girlfriend.

"So what's this I read about a coma?" It was nice to hear Anna's voice. He hadn't talked to her since she left that night. He meant to keep up with her, but everything was too hectic. He had missed her a lot.

"Yeah, well. I kinda got myself shot. But I'm okay now," He joked about it, but really the thought disturbed him. Yesterday hadn't been fun with the revelations he found.

"How long?" Anna couldn't believe she was talking to Seth Cohen. It had been so long, and so much had changed. Her life was so different, and his was probably too.

"49 days. I got out a couple of days before Christmas," Seth liked talking to Anna. She understood him, since she liked the same kinda stuff as he did. No one could get Death Cab lyrics like her.

"So you didn't miss all of Chrismukkah?" Both thought back to a year ago, when Seth introduced everyone to Chrismukkah, the holiday with twice the resistance of an average holiday. At this time a year ago, Seth and Anna had been dating.

"Nope. Didn't miss all of it," This conversation was helping take Summer and the shooting off Seth's mind.

"Did you give any Seth Cohen Starter Pack away this year?" Anna joked around with him.

"Didn't have time to make any. Why, you want one?" Seth asked her. Anna had always been a good friend. She taught him confidence, and she was his first girlfriend.

"I never got one," Anna and Summer had both given theirs back to Seth, not wanting to be friends with him.

"Well, that was your own fault," Seth said to her.

"I wonder what might've happened if I had taken it," Anna wondered.

"Maybe you'd still be in Newport," Seth commented.

"Maybe I wouldn't be," Every so often, Anna regretted moving back to Pittsburgh.

"You never know," Seth added.

"Maybe I can visit," Anna had thought about visiting a lot, but she didn't know if anyone would want her to visit.

"How so?" Seth didn't get her.

"Seth, my parents still live there. They always visit me and my aunt and uncle, but I never come visit them. Maybe I could next time. See you, Ryan, Marissa, Summer...." Anna explained to Seth.

"Maybe not Summer. Hopefully Summer, but I don't know," Seth's mind returned to Summer and he got disheartened. Damn it.

"Why?" Now it was Anna's turn to be confused.

"Well, Summer kinda, is in, a, um, mental facility," Seth answered quietly.

"Oh my gosh. That's horrible. What happened?" Anna asked with worry. She couldn't believe her ears.

"Well, she kinda tried to kill herself. It was fine, and she was fine, but something happened, and now, she should be having a trial as we speak. Or as I speak. Because you're really not talking right now. I am. Actually, not just talking. More like rambling. So, maybe you could help me out and stop me from rambling because this could go on forever or..."

"Seth. Stop," Anna told him.

"Thanks," Seth appreciated it for stopping his rambling.

"So the trial is to see if she'll get out?" When Anna was ten, her best friends' cousin was in a mental institute.

"Yeah. My dad's her attorney," Seth answered.

"Well, it's better than having an attorney assigned to you. I used to know someone a while ago in a mental institute. She got out after a few months," Anna recalled.

"Oh. Hopefully my dad can get Summer out today," Seth commented.

"Well, your dad is a good attorney. If he can't get her fully out today, then he'll get her a small amount of time in there," Anna tried to lift Seth's spirits up.

"Yeah, I guess so," Seth didn't think his spirits could be lifted when they were talking about Summer.

"Seth.....are you okay?" Anna noticed his sullen attitude.

"Yeah, I'm cool. Just preoccupied," Seth lied to Anna. He didn't want to tell her that he was going insane. Everyday had been hell for him lately, all the people staring. He knew if something more happened, he'd lose it.

"Okay," Anna didn't believe him, but she didn't want to question him. She knew nothing about being shot, or being in a coma, nothing like that. "Well, I guess I should go. My cousin wants me to play a game with him," Anna lied to him now.

"You should play Jenga," Seth joked.

"I should. Haven't played that in a while. But I really never got good. I never had a real competitor. I beat Captain Oats so many times, he would just give up right away," Anna added to the joke. "But yeah, I should go." Anna really didn't want to, but she knew she had to.

"Okay," Seth agreed, not wanting her to hang up.

"Bye Seth," Anna hung up. Seth felt alone again. He missed the talk with Anna. He didn't want to go on the internet, he was just left with his thoughts. And his thoughts scared him. All he was left with was thoughts of Summer. Thoughts of Summer not coming home.

He wished he could be with Anna. She was the only connection to a world that wasn't insane. She was somewhere where nothing too serious was happening. Where Seth would've given to be. Because if life got fucked up more, he'd really lose it and go off the deep end.

0000000000000000000000

Sandy checked his directions again. The facility was coming up. He still couldn't believe he was doing this. For Seth. For their whole family.

He pulled into Willow Creek. Sandy was never at an institute. He never took a case like this. A whole new experience for him.

Parking the car, he stepped out and went into the institute. It didn't seem like a place that held "problemed" children. A receptionist directed him where to go. He had to go into a boardroom-type room, where already three people sat.

"Sorry if I'm late. Had to drive my son to school, and you wouldn't believe the traffic," Sandy apologized.

"It's quite all right," A man sitting at the front of the table said.

"Hello, I'm Kelly Walton, Summer's psychiatrist," The only person who hadn't talked to Sandy or he knew greeted him. She walked around the table and shook hands with him."

"Hi, Sandy Cohen," Sandy said back to Kelly.

"We're just about to start, you're actually three minutes early. We just sent someone down to go get Summer so then we can start," Kelly walked back to her side of the table, and sat next to Neil Roberts. Sandy took a seta, and quickly looked through his notes. The door opened, so he turned around to see Summer.

Sandy couldn't believe what Summer looked like. The last time he had really seen her was back on the day of the shooting. Nothing looked the same. She was frail, weak, pale, with bags under her eyes. Her dark auburn hair no longer held its' shine. Sandy felt a little disheartened when he saw her.

"Hi Summer," Sandy greeted her and got up.

"Hi, Mr. Cohen," Neil came over and embraced his daughter. She didn't hug back.

"Oh baby, I've missed you so much. I've been going mad without you," Neil told Summer.

"Then why do you want to keep me in here?" Summer shot back to her father. She never usually defied him. Neil didn't say anything else, letting go of Summer and returning to his seat. Sandy and Summer sat down. "How's Seth?"

"He's good. Stayed home today," Sandy paused. "Misses you."

"I miss him too," She said sadly.

"Now, we can start. We are here to discuss the three day probation period. Now, I've been evaluation her, and I believe that Summer needs to stay with us some more. She doesn't talk very much, and gives me very short answers," Kelly began.

"I have a question," Sandy interrupted.

"Yes, Mr. Cohen?" Kelly wondered.

"Well, if in therapy, you noticed that she does need more, and that's the only problem, couldn't an outpatient therapy be arranged in Newport?" Sandy was going to get Summer out of here.

"Newport...." Kelly commented, as if she never heard that town.

"Yes, Newport," Sandy assured her.

"Normally, I would agree with you Mr. Cohen, but during Art Therapy, she does not paint, or even attempt to paint." Kelly pointed out, looking through Summer's file.

"Maybe Art Therapy isn't best for her. What else might you have?" Sandy asked.

"Mr. Roberts had specifically said Art Therapy is best for his daughter. She doesn't talk very much to her wardmates and there are very many underlying problems that we have to deal with," Kelly argued.

"Can't they be dealt with in Newport?" Sandy could only think of Seth. He had to get Summer out.

Summer didn't pay as much attention as she should have been. But everything was running through her mind like mad. Thoughts of Seth, the girls, therapy, everything. Seeing Sandy made Summer want Seth more. And what if Summer was in here longer? She didn't think she would last much longer with Seth.

"Mr. Cohen, I believe three months here will do Summer good and get her ready for the outside world," Kelly proposed. Three months? Didn't Summer have a say in this at all?

"That's too long. Summer is a strong and relatively open person. Once she knows you and is comfortable with you, she'll open up. If she had to be here for three months, she'll be alienated from her school and only have two months there before she graduates," Sandy based his knowledge of Summer on previous times with her.

"Agreed. But her weight is also another problem. She needs to be okay with herself and gain weight," Kelly paused. "If I have to choose a shorter time period, I would say seven to eight weeks." Sandy thought for a moment, then looked to Summer.

"Two months, Summer. Can you do this? I can fight longer, but I don't know how much shourter I can get it," Sandy stared at Summer.

A huge choice was on her shoulder. Should she have Sandy fight longer or take what he got her? Two months was a long time. It would be March when she could go back to the free world. If nothing happened.

And what about Seth? Summer needed Seth. She would go crazy without him. And Marissa. Her best friend. The girl who battled everything with her. Ryan. One of the strongest guys Summer knew, who made sure she was okay no matter what. Could she leave them for two months? She had left them for a month before, but now, it was different.

"Will I get to see people? Like, from outside?" Summer asked Kelly before making her decision.

"Of course. We have visitation days every Saturday and then two Saturdays after that. Sometimes, we also have a visiting Wednesday. We won't deny you your family," Kelly answered warmly.

"What about friends?" Summer was more concerned about seeing Seth, Marissa, and Ryan than seeing her family.

"Friends definitely," The answer made Summer think harder. Every so often, she would be able to see Seth, and Marissa and Ryan, but not always. What about the time in between? Could she make it to the next visit? She would try.

"You did your best, Mr. Cohen. I have to do this. For two months," Summer looked up at Sandy, tears already welling up behind her eyes.

"Okay," He understood, but he doubted Seth would.

"I'll begin the papers," The unknown, silent man began starting some paperwork and giving it to Kelly. She filled out most of it, finally letting Neil see it. He paused for a moment before signing it, ready to say something.

Summer knew this was it. This was the moment her dad would object and save her. He would do it. She knew she could trust him. Neil loved Summer, he wouldn't do this to his daughter. He couldn't see it happen. He would get Summer out for sure.

Neil signed the papers.

Summer felt the tears fall from her eyes. Her father would let this happen, was letting this happen. She thought he loved her. Why wouldn't he fight for his daughter? What had she done wrong in his eyes?

The world crashed down at that moment. It was over, really over. She was admitted into Willow Creek Treatment Facility for Adolescents for two months. Two whole, long months.

Neil didn't look up at his daughter as she said goodbye to him and Sandy. As a nurse escorted her away. As he knew he was locking her away for two months. Why had he done it? Could he take it back? No, it was in ink. Well, wasn't there erasable ink? Could he erase the mistake he knew he had done?

Sandy felt defeated. He had lost. Seth would lose it. Kirsten would lose it. His family might fall apart again. How had he let this happen? He had been so ready, but when it came to it, he just wasn't good enough. Seth would hate him.

Summer walked with the nurse as she directed Summer back up to her ward for two months. She'd be in there for two months. Stuck in the ward. Not very much outside contact.

Her roommates were all watching the Price is Right when Summer came in. They didn't notice her, and she wiped the tears from her eyes. She could do this. She had to. Every step was one step closer to getting out. Summer had to think positively.

As she walked closer to her roommates, she got scared. Would their personality change once they knew she was in there? Would they even care? Tears fell down again. She dried them quickly before they ran down her face.

Summer was almost there. She wanted to run. Run away from all of this. How had she landed herself in here? She used to be so independent, strong. Now, she was none of those.

The nurse left her now and went to the nurses' station. All seven girls watched as happiness displayed on the people's faces on the t.v. summer wished she could be there. Where everything was a game. Where you always won something. She had lost everything.

Summer rounded the left side of the couch. Nikki was sitting on the chair to the right of the couch, and she noticed Summer. She looked away from the television and looked to Summer. Summer fell into a chair and accepted her fate.

**AH! I am so evil, right? Well, I will be. I know you all have that Ryan idea formulated in your head, and well, I kinda will postpone that because me and my friend decided to take a hint from the OC and change it to work in my story. I have two chap written, and I am getting so slow at writing lately. I started writing a story with Rockin' FluteTrumpet or whatever.... so read STRANDED MEMORIES!!!!! Good story, Lost/OC crossover. Read it, or I wont update.... LOL. So, I will go write or waste time online, maybe type. BYE!**


	7. Growing

**Okay, so this took forever to type up, because well, Chrismukkah took over my house. I'm sorry for the long wait, but the waits should be a little shorter for the next two chaps, seeing as I wrote them already. I do know where I'm going with this and I have up until Chap 13 planned out. Pretty far, huh? Well, here's _Growing_....**

Nikki knew. She got up and went over to Summer and hugged her as Summer let more tears fall.

"Ssshhh. It's gonna be fine," Nikki reassured Summer, but Summer shook her head.

"No, it won't," Summer told Nikki. How could she understand what Summer was going through? This was the nightmare no one even think of.

"You know, the let you go to your room now, so you can get adjusted," Mika tried to help Summer out.

How long are you gonna be in here for?" Kaci wondered out loud.

"Two months," Summer dismally answered. "I'm gonna go," She got up and left them all, going into her room. The room that would be hers for two whole months. Summer fell on her bed. Her bed. This was scary. It couldn't actually be happening, right?

"They're gonna make you come back out there if you just do this. You know, sulking. They hate sulking," Nikki appeared at the doorframe and she walked in.

"Oh," Summer sat up, looking at Nikki. She'd see her every day for two months.

"Why don't you make this place a little bit more like home? Do you have any pictures?" Nikki walked to Summer's bed and plopped down.

"Yeah," Summer answered. She only really talked to Nikki out of all the other girls. They tried, but she just wasn't that close with them all yet.

"Well, get them out, and I'll go get the tape roll. We're not allowed to have tape dispensers because they're afraid we're gonna cut ourselves. But I hope you're good at tearing tape, because I suck. I'll be right back," Nikki rushed out and left Summer. Slowly, very slowly, she got up and went to her bag. She'd have to unpack. Carefully, she pulled out the large pile of photos that Marissa gave her. "Is that them?" Nikki had returned, wearing a tape roll as a ring.

"Uh-huh," Summer didn't feel like doing anything. She wanted to sulk. But they didn't allow sulking. Damn it.

"We should start then. I say, put your favorite photo on your night stand so you can fall asleep looking at it, and think of better times and the freedom you'll have when you get out," Nikki told her. She went to her side of the room and retrieved something off of her night stand. Then, she handed the item to Summer.

It was a photo of a much younger Nicole, and another little girl. They were smiling. The two both looked very innocent, like nothing could go wrong.

"That's me and my younger sister, Carli a little over five years ago," Nikki filled Summer in. Nicole didn't look much like she did in the photo, now a lot more pale, and emaciated.

"She's really pretty," Summer commented.

"Yeah, she was," Nikki corrected Summer.

"Was?" Summer asked, not really thinking about what Nikki meant.

"About two days after this photo was taken, Carli was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver," Nikki told Summer without any real emotion. She lost most emotion a long time ago.

"I'm sorry," Nikki didn't want Summer's false apologies, but she still took it. No one really knew what it was like to lose a sister. At least no one Nikki knew.

After the accident, her life had fallen down the drain. Her parents split and she would go to parties to numb the pain fo her life. Eventually she almost killed herself, but it didn't matter. Soon drugs were involved, they were much stronger than alcohol. No one had cared about Nikki by then. She was sent away, and thought she was okay until the last person who had understood her, died of a pill overdose.

Over they years, Nicole had been in and out of this facility, never really getting better. The therapists didn't understand, how could they? They never dealt with what their patients dealt with.

"It's cool. But pick your favorite," Nikki blew off memory lane, and decided to go down Summer's.

"Um....." Summer began to flip through the photos. All four of them, a couple of rare all six of them, even two of all of them plus Oliver. There were lots of Summer and Marissa, even one with Summer and Ryan. Ryan and Marissa had a bunch, back when they were a couple. Then, she fell upon her favorite. It had been one of the first photos Summer had gotten rid of. A photo of her and Seth on the pier. They were both happy, not knowing their fate. "This one."

"Who is that?" Nikki asked as Summer handed the photo to her.

"My boyfriend, Seth," Summer felt proud saying it, even though she missed him so badly.

"Hope he doesn't leave like all the other guys," Nikki commented to Summer.

"He won't. Not this time," Nikki had no clue what Summer meant by that.

"Anyways, now that you're chosen you're favorite photo, let's put the rest up," Nikki placed the photo of Summer and Seth on Summer's night stand.

Summer wasn't so sure she was ready to do this. This would mean Summer was here indefinitely. And she didn't want that. She wanted this to still be the three day probabtion period. But it wasn't. And she was stuck.

"Okay," Summer regretfully said. Nikki took some of the pile of photos. She started the tape roll, and tried to tear it. Soon enough, the tape was all twisted and a mess. "Here," Summer took the tape and tore the twisted part off. She then pulled more, and tore off a perfect, non-twisted piece of tape.

"Thanks," Nikki took a picture of Marissa, and made a tape doughnut on the picture. "Now, who is this?" Nikki showed the picture to Summer.

"That's Marissa, my friend," Summer answered, figuring out how much she missed Marissa.

"Been friends for long?" Nikki wondered.

"All my life," Nikki was envious, no doubt about it. She never had a friend for long. They always left when she couldn't pay them.

"Cool," Nikki put the picture on the wall. "There. The beginning. Put one up."

"Okay," Summer made a tape doughnut and took a picture of her and Marissa and placed it next to the one of just Marissa.

"Good, now 1 million more," Nikki joked, picking up some more, one including Ryan. "Who is this guy?"

"Just a friend. Ryan," Summer answered. This was tougher than she expected. Going through the pictures made her think back. Back to a time when everything was all right. Wait, was there a time when everything was all right? There always had been something going on. But before Ryan came, nothing happened. He saved them all.

"Neat," Nikki seemed so harmless. Like you could really talk to her. Marissa was good to an extant, but Nikki seemed like you could really say stuff to her. But was Summer ready to tell everything?

The two worked in silence for a little bit, mostly they put up pictures of Seth, Summer, Marissa, and Ryan. Nikki kept looking over warily as Summer took her time looking at every photo, and then putting it up. She finally came to a photo with seven people, at a back stage event.

"Okay, I know you and your three closet friends. But who are the other three?" Nikki stared at the photo. Summer pointed to Anna, right next to Seth.

"Well, that's Anna, Seth's old girlfriend...." Summer began, but Nicole interrupted.

"Your Seth?" Nikki asked.

"Yes," Summer remembered that triangle. Summer completely broke up Seth and Anna. She did anything she could to break them up.

"Ah, I smell a hint of old jealously," Nikki joked with Summer as Summer pointed to Luke.

"And this is Luke, Marissa's and Marissa's mom's old boyfriend..." Summer knew what to expect from that.

"Wait, what?" Nikki didn't know if she heard right.

"Luke dated Marissa and then dated her mom," Summer answered, knowing that that sounded completely strange.

"Ew," Summer also knew she would've said the same thing, if she hadn't been through it.

"Yeah. Oh and that's Oliver, he's a long story," Summer pointed to Oliver, standing between Marissa and Ryan, with his evil grin, his arm around Marissa. Ryan didn't look very happy in the photo.

"Oliver....?" Nikki wanted to know his last name.

"Trask," Summer answered. It had been such a long time since she talked about Oliver.

"Trask, eh? I think I once went to school with him about five years ago. It _is_ a small world after all," Nikki commented.

"Uh-huh," The two girls again worked in silence. The walls was soon filling up, they still had a third of the photos left. Summer missed Ryan, and Marissa, and Seth so much. Every photo made the pain worse to deal with.

"You okay?" Nikki asked, watching as Summer put up the pictures.

"Hmm? I'm fine," Summer answered, though she really wasn't.

"Oh, because I think it's time to go," Nikki could hear the other girls leaving.

"Okay," Summer nodded and placed the remaining photos on the bed. She then followed Nikki out of the room to meet with the other girls. Her and Nicole parted ways and Summer went with Kaci, Lauren, and Evan to Art Therapy.

Marie was relatively pleased when she found Summer sitting on the bench. They were sent to their easels. Marie told them to paint a picture around a tree. It could be any tree, but the tree had to be in the main idea of the painting.

Summer again stared at her easel. The others were just as confused. Except Evan. She started right away. Something with a tree. Maybe kids buying a Christmas _tree_? People on a _tree_ swing? A family _tree_? Summer couldn't do trees. Didn't work.

But maybe this time she could make a start. She'd be here for a while anyways. So she took her paintbrush, and dipped it in the brown paint. That was usually how far she got. Not this time. On the easel, a brown line formed.

Summer felt proud. She was making progress, and that was good. Maybe she could get let out of here early. It was worth a shot. So she added another stroke. And soon, she had finished the tree's main part. Now the branches. She took a different brush and dipped that one in the brown. Summer started to make branches. This was getting easier.

"Wonderful, Summer. This is great so far. You've finally begun to paint. Great job," Marie walked by, pleased. Summer smiled to herself. She really wanted out.

"Good job, Summer," Evan commented as she put her first painting on the desk to dry.

"What's yours?" Summer looked at the painting. It was an aged tree, with a carousel around it. The horses were bleeding, and in the background, a new, almost transparent carousel was there.

"It represents being used too much, and having a difficult childhood and wanting a better one, but it's gone and you can't have it," Evan told Summer.

"Neat," Summer was a tiny bit afraid of the painting. It was so emotionally charged, and Summer's was just....blah.

"You know, it took me a while to get adjusted. I couldn't paint for a week. You're already doing better than me," Evan smiled at Summer.

"Thanks," Summer paused and Evan began to walk away. "Um, Evan?"

"Yeah?" Evan turned back around to Summer.

"I wanted to ask you if you knew when we have visitation days," It was one of the first times Summer voluntarily talked to one of the girls.

"Oh, well, you got lucky. When I came, I had to wait two weeks. The next visitation is this Saturday. Only two more days."

000000000000

Sandy opened the door and took a deep breath. This was it. He had to tell them. He had tried planning on how to break it to them, but he didn't come up with much. He would have to wing it.

No one heard him, thank goodness. He wasn't ready to talk. Two tell them. How would his family take it? Seth, he knew, would be taking it the hardest, then Kirsten, and then Ryan. Ryan never showed his feelings. He never let them get in his way. Sandy wished he could be like that sometimes.

He walked into the kitchen. Ryan sat at the table, doing homework. He could hear the television from the other room.

"Hey kid," Sandy greeted Ryan.

"Hey," Ryan turned around. "How was....." But he didn't continue by the look on Sandy's face. "How long?" Sandy put up two fingers, and Ryan nodded. He turned back to his homework as Kirsten walked in.

"Hi. I missed you," Kirsten hugged her husband and kissed him. "How'd it go?"

"Well, not so good. I tired, but she kinda gave up," Sandy answered.

"Oh, Sandy. How long?" Kirsten felt sick. This wasn't how it was supposed to be going. Summer was supposed to be out. What would Seth do once he found out?

"Two months. I tried to get her in less, but she didn't want to. All I can say is by the look of her, they might want to keep her in longer," Seth's heart stopped. He was standing at the kitchen doorway, invisible to the people inside it. But then Kirsten finally looked up.

"Seth," She was surprised to see him there. Ryan and Sandy turned to find him, like a deer stuck in the road. All eyes were on him as his life collapsed. He bolted. "Seth!" Kirsten tried going after him, but Sandy stopped her.

"Give him a couple minutes. To relax. Then go up," Sandy told her.

"What if he....." Kirsten started.

"He won't. Not yet at least. If he does, we'll just watch all the doors," Sandy interrupted. Kirsten stared up at the stairs her son bounded up just seconds ago.

Seth was sitting on his floor, leaned up against his locked door. Everything was gone. He felt completely and totally responsible. If he had died, none of this would've ever happened.

Summer wasn't coming back. The only thing that kept him going was gone. Granted, it was two months, but that was about how long he had been gone. And that had to have been long. Summer nearly killed herself in that time.

Seth was scared of what was to come. How could he face that school? He barely could _with_ Summer. Now, knowing she wasn't coming back, what would happen? He was lost without her.

He wanted to run, but where? He had nowhere to run. All Seth knew was that he couldn't face this world. Summer was gone, so what was left here?

"Seth," Kirsten knocked on his door. She had decided to be the one to talk to him. Sandy talked to him yesterday, so it was Kirsten's turn.

"What?" Seth didn't want to talk to anyone, especially his mom.

"Can I come in?" Kirsten felt so far apart from her son. Sometimes she thought he hated her. Anything she said, he defied it. Every time he ran to Summer, Kirsten felt like he was running away from her.

"I'm busy," Seth lied. He knew nothing of the pain his mother felt. He prayed she would leave.

But Kirsten didn't. If she did, she might lose her son forever. It was common for this to happen. For sons to fall in love. Kirsten understood that, but she didn't want to believe that. Because in doing this, Kirsten was being replaced. She never had to worry about this before Ryan came. She never expected her son to grow up.

And now, she had two sons dealing with everything Kirsten feared. She always wanted to save them. But how could she? They had to do this on their won. And Kirsten hated that.

Every minute that went by, Seth grew farther apart from his mother. He had no clue it was happening, but Kirsten did. Sandy didn't get it because a father couldn't be replaced. In a daughter's eyes, he could and yet, a mother could not. They had their sons, and Kirsten never expected to be replaced so soon.

She thought back to when Seth had been a little kid, when life had been so simple. Now, nothing was simple. Seth and Ryan would be leaving soon, and her and Sandy would be all alone. Kirsten feared that emptiness, and luckily, she had only dealt with it for two weeks. Seth had been Kirsten and Sandy's life for sixteen years. Then Ryan came along, and he became a part of their family and their life.

"Seth," Kirsten said, having no clue what to say after. She thought the words would come to her, but nothing came.

"What?" Seth was partially annoyed, he had wanted to be left alone.

"Are you okay?" Kirsten asked. She wanted to hug Seth, because she knew he was upset. He should have been told directly, and calmly. Instead, he eavesdropped and learned.

"I'm fine, Mom," Seth answered. Of course he wasn't okay. His life was crumbling to pieces. Oh yeah, he was doing just dandy.

"Are you sure?" Kirsten knew she would have to leave soon. And she didn't want to.

"Yes, Mom. I'm fine," Seth was getting pissed. He wanted to be left alone, and it didn't seem like that was happening.

"Because if you want to talk...." Kirsten offered.

"I'm fine Mom! I don't need to fucking talk! Just go the fuck away!" Seth screamed at his mother. Immediately she felt the tears fall. She was hurt, because she knew her son really did hate her.

"Okay," Kirsten whispered, wiping the tears away and finally leaving. She had lost him.

Seth felt worse than ever. He had succeeded in making his life suck more for not just him, but his mother also. He shouldn't have snapped at Kirsten, she didn't deserve it.

He finally looked up from the ground. The computer caught his eye. An idea got suck in his head. Maybe he _was_ ready.

Downstairs, Kirsten was lying in her bed, years quietly falling. She felt horrible, now she knew how Seth felt, with wanting to be left alone.

"Kirsten," Sandy stood at the doorway. She looked up, and he walked to the bed and sat down.

"I guess you heard," She commented to him. Hell, probably their new next door neighbors heard.

"Yep. We have a quite angsty kid, don't we?" Sandy half-joked.

"Sure," Kirsten wasn't in the mood for Sandy.

"You know, he didn't mean what he said," Sandy wasn't too happy with Seth. He had no right to yell at Kirsten.

"Yes he did Sandy. He _hates_ me. He won't even look at me anymore. I'm amazed he didn't tell me to go to hell," Kirsten felt like such a bad mother.

"Kirsten..." Sandy began, trying to console his wife.

"I've failed as a parent! This is all my fault!" Kirsten yelled. She got up and walked out of the room.

"Kirsten, you didn't!" Sandy didn't know what to say. His whole family was slowly losing it.

"Yes, I did and you know it!" She went into the kitchen, with tears pouring down her face.

Ryan turned and watched as she scavenged everywhere for a bottle of liquor. It was so reminiscent of Dawn Atwood. His hand shook. He felt 14 again. Watching as his mother destroyed herself. Ryan ran out the door.

Kirsten didn't notice, but Sandy did. She found a bottle and took a straight sip of it. Ryan watched from in the pool house in sadness and Sandy watched from the doorway in disappointment.

"What?" She slurred to Sandy when she found him watching her.

"Don't you see it?" Sandy asked, having seen Ryan stare from the window. He was gone now.

"See what, Sandy?" Kirsten didn't understand.

"You're so worried about being a failure of a parent to Seth that you're failing Ryan," Kirsten set down the bottle. "He watched his mother drink and destroy his family. He watched Marissa drink and overdose in Mexico. Do you really want to do it to him again?"

"No," Kirsten felt even worse, and cried harder. Sandy walked over to her, and held her close.

"We'll get through this," Sandy said, but had no clue on what was to come.

**Ah, another chapter done. Sorry for such a really long wait. I kept procrastinating at typing. I just did not want to do it. I wanted to tell you that I am writing again in _The Rest Is Silence_, but it might be a while for an update. But I have been writing, so that's a start. Please review, I love them. Except bad ones. I take them too hard.(That's kind of why this took so long to type)**


	8. Crossing Out The Faces

**Okay, this chapter was an idea my friend Kim gave me a very long time ago and I finally wrote it! Sad chapter, I warn you, but after these next two chapters, it will get a little less depressing. And we will soon find out what is up with Ryan. Yeah, I know, it's taking forever. Sorry!**

Seth pressed print. He went onto another website and pressed print again. A pile lie on his bed, along with last year's yearbook he picked up after being caught last Summer.

He didn't look at anything just yet, quickly pressing print. Lots of websites had the shooting, more than Seth would've guessed. But they would help him know what happened, and piece together the time he wasn't here.

His mother had been a wreck, making him feel worse. He had been so mean to her, and what had she done to deserve it? Nothing. Exactly. That's what made him feel horrible.

The printer was running low on both ink and paper, but Seth didn't much care. He'd never fill it up. Oh well.

After Seth finished his printing, he sat on the bed, a pile of papers next to him. He picked up the first set of papers. It had been from the day after. He stared at a photo of his fellow classmates running out of the school. Seth wanted to focus, but he couldn't. The picture was too blurry.

_Yesterday, a horrific tragedy occurred. Harbor High's halls that are usually filled with laughter and happiness, was instead filled with screams and deafening gun shots. No reports on how many were injured, and there were some casualties. Police are viewing camera footage of the shooting to fully understand why this heinous act of violence occurred. _

Seth stopped reading. That sure gave him no information he didn't have. Seth was guessing the next few would be the same. So he skipped a few stories ahead to find a long list. 23 dead. 54 injured. He looked at the first name. Alana Allen. Seth opened his yearbook and searched in the index to find where Alana was. She had been on the softball team, a really good player at that. He saw a picture of Alana and her boyfriend. Then he noticed that the guy was in his English class. The shooter.

Seth went to Alana's pictures and crossed out her face.

He looked at the next name and crossed out his pictures. Seth continued to do this for all the students. The fourth person, Mark Stevenson. Mathletes, Scholastic Scrimmage, Robotics Club. A senior ranked third in the class. Seth crossed Mark out.

The names were in no order, and with every one of them, Seth grew sadder. He stopped at the seventh dead person, a girl by the name of Chloe Ritter, who was the best volleyball player in their school.

Seth skipped ahead a few pages. He found a copy of one of the shooter's journals. The names were crossed out, but was easy to tell who it was. He began to read an entry:

_God, I hate this fucking school. Everyone fucking excels, what the hell is up with that? Some of those, no, most of those kids annoy the hell out of me. They don't deserve that glory. Even the kids who have no glory, they still are conceited. Take , whatever the hell his name is. He walks around, using his tough guy bodyguard friend to watch him while he complains about breaking up with . I've heard him in the halls. God, is he ever annoying. He made it on the list a while ago. Stupid clumsy ass. Can't wait to get him. Get them all. I hope every single one of them suffers._

Seth stopped. It was making him sick. He knew who was being talked about. It was him. That's why he had to die. For being himself. Wonderful.

He went back to the list. Number eight, Gabrielle Palenicki. Chemistry club, Biology Club, all around science geek. She had been in his chemistry class, Marissa's old partner.

Rain came down outside. How perfect. You couldn't see past the tree by Seth's window. He used to imagine climbing down that tree and running away. He didn't need the tree when he had.

Back to the list. The ninth person, Kevin Vanallman. Star basketball player, super smart, life ahead of him. He was crossed out.

Only 14 more to go. Fun. He crossed out the next two, who happened to be a couple. There were a Marissa-Luke coupling. Together forever. Well, they could be in heaven together.

Thinking of this couple, Seth thought about him and Summer. Would everything be okay? Seth doubted it nothing could help them climb back up the cliff they had fallen down.

He finally noticed something. Every one of the students had excelled. But that didn't work. Because Seth didn't excel at anything. Sure, he was in clubs, but he was the only member. So that wasn't right. All 77 of them had something in common. Or maybe there was no pattern. But why was it down that way was beyond him.

If Seth focused hard enough, he could hear his mother crying. Her pain made him feel horrible. When had his family fallen apart? When had been the breaking point? Was it during his coma? It had to have been.

Seth had yet to really dwell on his past, but he had time now. He had been in a coma. He kept saying it, but had he believed it? It had been if he was dead for 49 days. Dead. Did he remember anything? How could he? He couldn't have any memories, right?

"He's in a freaking coma, it can't get much worse," Summer's voice echoed in his head. What the hell? Where had that coma from? Seth never remembered Summer ever saying that. Wait a second, Summer had been talking about him. While he was in a coma. How did he remember that? And why had she said that?

Voices inside your head weren't a good sign of sanity. Crap. Seth knew he was losing it, but not that much. He pushed Summer's voice out of his thoughts and continued to work on the task at hand.

The next girl on the list looked familiar. Two years ago, Seth had been lab partners with her and she had been in a lot of his classes that year. He could've sworn she moved. Either she didn't, or moved back. If she had moved back, it would suck to come right back into town and just die.

Seth went to look at some of the pictures taken. There was enough. He now looked at more shots of students running out. These were closer and clearer. A news crew must've snuck in. He saw a photo of the school with students running out, and one ambulance caught his eye. Three kids, two sitting and one standing, were there that Seth knew. It was Ryan, Marissa, and Summer. Ryan was holding his arm, Marissa was looking at him, and Summer was staring at the doors. Was she waiting for him? Seth didn't want to sound too full of hinself.

But what if she had been? He never came out. At least not by his own. Still, why would she be waiting for him? They had been fighting, or rather never spoke to each other at that time.

"I looked for you," he had told Summer, and she answered, "Same here." there was proof. Or was it? Why wouldn't you say that? She could've just said that so he wouldn't know she hadn't cared.

Another person to cross. This guy Seth remembered pretty well. No, it wasn't himself. But this guy was a water polo dude, ah, the memories. The wonderful memories. He had become captain of the team after Luke left. What a huge loss there. Luke had become bearable in the end, but he dated Marissa's mom. That was just wrong on so many, many levels.

A black X formed over the new water polo captain's face.

More photos. Seth kept flipping between pictures and list. Harbor High did indeed have video cameras, and somehow camera photos leaked out. There were only cameras in the halls, the cafeteria, the auditorium and the library. They could've gotten more but they wanted to waste the money on education. Stupid private school.

Seth saw photos of the hallway. It was from a few minutes before the shooting. The halls were empty, except for a few people with guns.

Six people, two on each floor, stood at opposite ends of the hallways, ready to shoot. Seth flipped to see the library in the beginning of the shooting. Kids were under tables, and one kid lie bleeding. To the table right of that one was Summer.

Seth couldn't see her very well, the pictures were extremely blurry. But it was her, no doubt about it. He stopped looking at the picture.

"Don't leave us Seth. We miss you too much already," Now it was Marissa's voice that had entered his head. Where were these voices coming from? And why now? Why were all these voices just suddenly coming now? At least they were cluing Seth into what had happened.

Marissa had sounded upset. What had been happening? None of them really ever told a story between the month and a half period. They only gave summaries, or just changed the subject.

How much had he hurt these people? Marissa sounded like she was in tears and well, intense drama usually brought her to tears. Divorce, breakups, suicide, and what-not.

His mind was getting too clogged with nonsense. Earlier, it had been clear. He went back to the original task.

Gia Morrison. Nothing was spectacular about this girl. She wasn't a captain or president of anything, she was a relative loner. Once or twice Seth had seen her hanging out with that Riley girl in his class. But Morrison seemed familiar from his reading. Where was it from?

Sean Morrison. Bingo. That was where Seth heard that name form. But who was he? Seth checked the papers. He quickly found Sean. Sean had been one of the shooters.

Sean had planned to kill his sister, and succeeded. Who would do that? Sure, sibling rivalry had to be bad, but was it bad enough that you wanted your sister dead and got your wish?

It made Seth realize other families were affected. A lot worse. He hadn't died, but 23 other people had. No, 29. Can't forget the murderers.

Every person on that list had to have done something to piss off these guys off. Alana must've dumped one of them, and Gia was one of the shooter's sisters. So what the hell had he done?

Next person. Toby Sonne. Seth remembered something about that guy, and how he did something to one of the shooters. Toby had beaten the shit out of Sean two years back. Obviously Sean held grudges.

X marked the face.

"He's your son. You would let him die?" Woah, what the fuck? These voices were scaring Seth out. Now it was Ryan, talked about, Seth guessed, himself.

But to who? Who was Ryan speaking to? It had to be Kirsten or Sandy. Wait, they were gonna let him die? Hold on, that was so not right. His parents were going to let him die. But how and why?

Seth was so confused. Why was his head screwing him up? He had to do this, otherwise, he'd go insane. No, wait, he'd done that already.

But this last memory pissed him off. Why was his parents going to let him die? Ryan sounded pissed, well, anyone would be. But why? Why had his parents wanted that?

He had to know. He thought about it, hoping for something else. He needed something else.

"The holidays are killing me without him, I don't know how much longer I can last," His mother. Kirsten wanted him dead. Great. He felt so fucking loved.

Seth's life was falling down. Summer was gone, he was trying to cope with being shot, and on top of it all, his mother had wanted him dead. What a wonderful life.

He looked at the next name. Corrine Jones. Seth found her picture. She and Sean had once been partners at a project. They had been in Seth's class, and they were finishing a project. Somehow or another, it had come out that Corrine did the whole project and Sean received an F.

Only six more dead people to go. He was soon done. Joe McClelland. Now what had he done? Seth never heard of Joe. Probably a freshman. Or a sophomore. Or a junior. Maybe a senior. Seth didn't know much of his school well.

Hannah Green. Seth checked her picture. A sophomore. Life ahead of her too. Not anymore. Strange. Seth thought the shooters were seniors. Why would they have hated a sophomore?

Seth decided to look up the names. He found them quite quickly: Sean Morrison, Jack Lewis, Melanie Lovick, Bill Hughes, Tori Harris, Mitch Polinsky. Those were the shooters. Two girls. That slightly surprised Seth. Well, he couldn't have hurt them or anything. He never had known them, or any girl in their school except for Summer and Anna and Marissa.

Mitch was the one who he sat by in class. Loner, never spoke much to anyone. Sort of like Seth.

Wait, had Seth just compared himself to a school shooter? No way was he like any of them. Or was he? He had fit the criteria. Used to. Not anymore.

Seth closed his eyes to calm down. What was wrong with him? He could not keep his mind on task. Stupid head. He hit it. Ow.

He again looked to the list. Next person: Kara Turner. A lot of girls, Seth noticed. These guys must've definitely had more relationships than Seth. What was he at? Oh, right. Two.

The next two guys went past him, until he reached the most recent casualty. Liz Fisher. That name was probably the closest he was to a death. That was Holly's sister. Seth didn't even know Holly had a sister.

Everyone was done. On to the injured.

It was a depressing task, doing this. But Seth knew he had to. To get a bitter grip on what had happened. On what was happening. So at least he could know why his world was falling apart.

Injured people were far too many to wonder why they were shot at. But everyone had a story about why they were shot, and hell, it might be great to hear them, but Seth didn't want to. He had his own story. And it sucked.

Seth decided to yet again mix it up, look at photos of the shooting. This was such fun. No, it wasn't. Seth was too serious for sarcasm. And that never happened.

Painful closeup shots of students' faces stared up at him. Either someone suck that camera in or they had a really good zoom. Whatever the way, the pictures were uber-depressing. People were crying, blood on people's shirts, it was just fucking depressing. Seth flipped through those pages.

Next were camera shots. Lots and lots of camera shots. He looked at the first floor. If he squinted, he could see Marissa. Except she didn't seem like the Marissa he knew. The Marissa he knew had so many problems and really didn't care about other people's problems. But this Marissa was not that. She had no emotional baggage. The only thing that mattered was that moment.

And she had blood on her. Seth could barely tell, but he saw. Had she been shot? No one ever told him about it. Seth grabbed the injury list and searched for Marissa. Nothing. So why was she bloody?

Confused, Seth looked at the second floor during the beginning of the shooting. Immediately he found Ryan. His usual broodingness was gone and tough guy had emerged. He stood out against the normal Abercrombie people. He always had. Seth just disappeared against those people.

And just like Ryan always did, Seth saw a photo of Ryan taking down one of the shooters. Seth's shooter. Mitch.

Obviously Seth knew that Mitch would get up, but what if he hadn't? Would everyone that was supposed to be shot get shot? Or would lives be saved? If Ryan had pushed harder, what would life be like? Maybe Seth wouldn't have been shot. Maybe Seth wouldn't have been in a coma for 49 days.

And what if Ryan hadn't tried to take the guy at all? What would've happened then? Maybe Seth would've died. No one would know. Seth was just lucky that he hadn't died. Right.

His hand automatically went to his stomach. To his scar. He pushed on it. It didn't hurt. No internal pain, yet so much.

Seth lifted his shirt to look at his scar. A lovely reminder of the day Seth's life ended. He had been living in a normal teenage drama that practically everyone goes through. Sure, there were exceptions, but not everyone gets shot.

He closed his eyes and let his shirt drop back down. He missed his old life. When Summer hated him. Those were the days. He could laugh back then. He didn't know when he last laughed. Too long obviously.

Seth looked to the list and lazily X'd people out with his Sharpie. He saw his name and skipped it, no idea why thought. Everyone else that lived didn't get skipped. Maybe he was special. Yeah, right.

On to pictures later in the shooting. He couldn't believe he was doing this. It was so weird. But it took up time that Seth had plenty of.

First floor, Seth saw no one he knew. Probably had gotten out by then. Lucky them. And next was the third floor. Second got passed over, thank God. The third floor was practically empty, except for the bodies. First floor had been mostly filled then. Seth went to the next page.

Immediately he began to get sick. He held his stomach, his scar. His heart raced, and he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. But when he opened his eyes, it was still there.

Seth stared at himself, unconscious and dead. He was bloody, really bloody, just lying in a pool of it. Eyes shit, peaceful, at rest. He had been dead. Well, he looked like it.

He didn't want to look at himself, but he couldn't not. Life a car accident, you couldn't help but stare at the wreckage.

People were running past him, not giving him a second glance. He was helpless to everyone. Seth remembered thinking how he wanted to help all those hurt people, but he couldn't. They were gone.

All his own blood was getting to him, and he ran to his bathroom to throw up. God, he hated himself.

Once he was done, and he cleaned up, he looked at himself in the mirror. It wasn't Seth Cohen in the mirror. It was someone else. Someone who had lost everything in life. Someone who should've died. Someone who shouldn't be here.

He walked back to his bed and moved the pictures out of his eyesight. He now wanted to see his shooter. Maybe he'd know why he deserved to die.

In his yearbook, he searched up Mitch Polinsky and went to his photo.

Mitch looked innocent, not like a guy who would kill other people. And then, Seth knew what he had done.

_It was two years ago, and he was trying to get away from the water polo team. Skating in the front of the school, he zoomed past everyone waiting for a ride._

_Mitch Polinsky had just paid for his coffee and saw Seth Cohen skateboarding. That kid was okay, not like the twenty-odd that had already gained a spot on the list. One day, Mitch and his friends would teach them all._

_Seth wasn't paying attention to his surroundings, had he ever?_ He just needed to get away. _Luckily, he was pretty far ahead of the team. He looked back to see how far ahead he was. An okay distance._

_Mitch had seen Sean, with his dumbass sister waiting for him and their ride, Sean's parents. So he walked. And found the twenty-first person on the list. _

_Seth ran into Mitch, by accident, and made him spill coffee everywhere. Everyone erupted in laughter, except for Mitch, Seth, and Sean. Even the water polo team were cracking up as they ran._

_Mitch met eyes with Seth for just a second, waiting for an apology. But Seth was embarrassed enough, and couldn't get the word, "Sorry," out. So he got up and sped off knowing Luke and his goons were catching up._

_For a year and a half after that, Mitch was tormented by that day, being called everything in the books. His friends and him were always teased, that's why they did it. Got back at everyone._

_So when Mitch Polinsky got home, with his coffee-stained shirt, he added Seth Cohen to the list._

One simple word practically cost Seth his life. Why hadn't he said it? One warning he'd give himself. Say sorry, no matter what. It could be a matter of life and death.

Seth's eyes floated to a picture of him and Summer. They were smiling, happy, unknowing of what was going to happen next. It had been taken almost a year ago, on the pier. He picked up the photo.

"How did we fuck ourselves up so bad, Summer?" He asked the photo, wanting an answer. He didn't get one. Go figure.

Ideas struck him and he dropped the photo on the bed, next to the pictures, and the list, and the yearbook.

The yearbook say there, unfinished. Seth had forgotten one person who wasn't on the casualty list, but who would eventually be. The shooting was the cause of death. The person wasn't killed in it, but because of it, the person was dead. Seth flipped to the page with the dead kid. Hope in the eyes, happiness in the smile. That had long disappeared.

And then, Seth crossed himself out.

**AH! What have I done? Well, I have to say, the beginning of the next chapter did come straight from the O.C. itself. I swear the idea had been developed before it occurred on the t.v. Anyways, if your name was in here, I so didn't mean for that. It had been late, and I needed names, so I started looking anywhere for names. Some of them are related to me, and I do know some people that are by the name of these people(not the full name), but it doesn't matter. Please review, and I am so sorry for the really long wait!**

**Oh yeah, thanks Kim for the idea. If you hated the idea, blame her. Her name: Rockin' FluteTrumpet? I think. The name with Stranded Memories in it. Read that. It's good. Well, my part isn't. Lindsay is so not Lindsay there. I'm rambling. Must stop. Damn it. **


	9. The Domino Effect

**Okay, well, I'm typing this after seeing the preview for next week's episode, Ep. 9. And I now know that this idea is pretty different from what they're doing. That's good. Now, I know you all might hate me after this, and well, I have to do this. God, I sound like Seth in Kim's stories. Not good. Not good at all.**

Kirsten heard footsteps. She sat next to Sandy in the kitchen, drinking coffee and calming down. Her tears had dried, finally. Both of her sons hadn't come out of their room and she felt responsible.

Seth appeared in her view, heading for the door. They weren't on good terms, and it might be a while until they were.

"Seth. Where are you going?" Kirsten didn't like letting Seth go anywhere. It just gave her a bad feeling.

Seth turned to them, and Kirsten saw him. He looked hurt, lost, in immense pain. His eyes held things she knew nothing of.

"You were gonna let me die," He told her plainly and she was taken back. How did he know that? Had he heard? He had been in the coma, was that even possible?

"Seth...." She started, but didn't know what to say. What could she say to him? What would make him feel better now that he knew?

"How?" Seth asked her. So at least he hadn't heard the whole conversation. But how could she tell him? Did she have to tell him at all? She didn't want to lie, but she didn't want to tell him.

A silence crept across them as Kirsten thought. Seth just stood there staring as Sandy looked at Kirsten with confusion.

"How?" Seth screamed at her, really wanting an answer. Tears began in her eyes, because she knew she had to tell him.

"We'd take you off life support," She whispered to her son after taking a deep breath. None of them really expected them to answer. Ryan saw Seth and walked slowly to the house.

"Great. Just one more person who wants me dead," Seth commented sarcastically and walked off. Ryan saw him leave and walked into the kitchen.

"Seth!" Kirsten called to him, but he just walked away. Maybe if she tried harder, or said, 'sorry,' he wouldn't have gone.

"Where's he going?" Ryan asked, and Kirsten and Sandy looked back. He had missed the conversation, and didn't understand why Kirsten had tears in her eyes.

"I don't know. But can you find out? Call him, or maybe he left a note. I can't do this anymore. I just want him home," Kirsten ordered Ryan.

"But didn't he...." Ryan objected, not understanding.

"I want him home," Kirsten demanded and left. Ryan got the hint and headed up the stairs, trying Seth's cell phone. Turned off. Ryan didn't understand why he was doing this, but he sensed Seth was really upset. The fight between him and Kirsten came into his thoughts.

Ryan opened the door to Seth's room. It was silent, and everything seemed fine. Papers were strewn all over Seth's bed and for a moment Ryan guessed they were a project. But when he got closer to them, he found they were the exact opposite.

First he saw the list, which creeped Ryan out a lot. Why did Seth have a list of all the people hurt or dead from the shooting?

Then he noticed the pictures. Ryan was officially weirded out. Seth had lost it. Ryan didn't even know his brother anymore. Who was Seth now?

Ryan's eyes ended on the yearbook. He picked it up, flipping through the pages. X's were everywhere, on people's faces. It clicked why Seth had the list. But why would Seth do this?

He went back to the page the yearbook had been lying on. Seth and Marissa were on this page. Ryan looked at Marissa, all smiles, then Seth. Seth was smiling, through a black X.

Maybe Seth just did it kinda by accident. No, you wouldn't accidently cross out your own face. It wasn't right. Something was seriously wrong.

Finally, Ryan saw the last thing on Seth's bed. A photo of Seth and Summer. On the pier. Ryan knew where Seth was.

He rushed out of his brother's room, denying what he thought. Seth wasn't that stupid. Or was he? Ryan had sensed there was something wrong with Seth for a while, never guessing he'd lose it. He was the last one. And he had lost it.

It was too close together, way too close, right? Seth would tink things through. And he hadn't done that. Or had he? Was that crossing out faces his thinking rationally?Ryan thought about it.

Shit.

Ryan told Kirsten and Sandy he'd be back and grabbed keys and went. He was jumping to conclusions, Seth might not even be there. Or he could. Every so often, he was pretty good at guesswork. Ryan prayed he was wrong.

It was dark, no one else was out. Ryan sped down the pier. He had to get to Seth.

Ryan jumped out of the car and ran to the empty pier. He had never seen it so empty. And there was Seth. He was standing by the edge of the pier. Ryan walked up to him. He stood relatively far behind him, but Seth still sensed Ryan was there.

"So you found me," Seth announced as he stared out into the dark horizon. "How'd you figure it out?"

"Took the clues you left on the bed," Ryan answered and walked a little bit closer to Seth. "What are you doing?"

"Well, right now, just staring out into the ocean," Seth told Ryan. Some part of him was pissed that Ryan had found him, but another part was glad someone cared and followed. Too bad.

"Oh," Ryan relaxed a bit. He was glad his ideas were wrong. That he wasn't right. Sometimes being right sucked.

"Why? Was there something you thought I'd be doing?" Seth didn't look back at Ryan quite yet. He couldn't, it would be weird.

"Sort of. I don't know. Just some stupid assumption," Ryan blew it off. He had to. Seth wasn't _that_ dumb, right?

"Oh. What did you think I'd be doing?" Seth wasn't sure if he was ready to do this. This was huge. Really huge.

"That you'd.........never mind," Ryan paused before answering. It didn't matter, Ryan thought as he walked even closer to Seth.

"That I'd what?" Seth turned around to his brother. He wanted to hear this. One last thing. It was strange looking at Ryan, knowing what was going to happen.

"Nothing. It was stupid," Ryan was just glad Seth was okay. He was okay, right? He had to be.

"No, come on. What did you think I'd do? _This_?" Seth joked and climbed the rail. Ryan knew Seth was kidding. Ryan kinda missed Seth's humor. A lot of it had disappeared since waking up from the coma.

"Kinda, yeah. Now let's just get home. Come on, get down," Ryan began to turn around, with no worry in his life. Everything was okay. Seth was, Marissa was, Summer sort of was, and he also was. No problems.

"Nope," Seth said simply as he stood looking over the ocean. Ryan stopped. What? No, this wasn't happening. Was Ryan right?

"Come on, Seth, stop joking around. Get down," Ryan turned back around to his friend still balancing over the side. Seth looked back and Ryan saw the seriousness in his face.

This was happening. Seth was gonna do it. Oh crap.

"I'm not joking," Seth told Ryan. This was it.

"What?" Ryan was dreaming. This wasn't happening again. What was wrong? Didn't people know suicide isn't the way to go? Ryan learned that a long time ago.

"I'm not joking. I'm doing this. You can't stop me," Seth was trembling. The January air grew colder.

"Seth, get down," Ryan wasn't ready to deal with this again. Obviously people liked him being at their suicide. What was this? _Four_?

But Ryan should've seen this coming. Seth hadn't been himself since he woke from the coma. Seth had lost it a while ago. It had just been a matter of time until he did it.

"No. I have to do this. Everybody wants me dead," Seth couldn't face his parents anymore, every time he spoke to them, he got into a fight. He knew he wouldn't see Summer. And he was going insane because of her. Killing himself because of her. Just like she tired to kill herself because of him.

"Nobody wants you dead," Ryan objected.

"Yes, they do," Seth didn't understand why he hadn't done this so long ago. It wouldn't be as he thought.

"Who? I don't want you dead, Summer doesn't want you dead, your parents don't want you dead..." Ryan didn't get him now.

"You're wrong there. My parents did want me dead. They were gonna take me off life support. You should remember that, Ryan, you were there," Ryan did remember, but how the hell did Seth?

"How did you...?" Ryan asked, confused. Seth had been in a coma. But that had been the day he woke up. Only around three weeks ago. Yet it felt like three years ago.

"Strange, huh? I remember that. I guess you can hear things while in a coma," Seth yelled back. He wanted to get this over with, wouldn't Ryan let him?

"Yeah. But Seth, this isn't worth it. What about Summer?" Ryan tried to get Seth down, which was really difficult.

"She's gone," Seth missed Summer. They did this to each other though.

"She's in a facility for two months, Seth! She's not gone," Ryan told Seth, trying to understand him.

"I put her in there. Me. It's my fault. I did it," Seth remembered when Summer tried to kill herself. She almost succeeded. But they saved her. That wasn't happening with Seth.

"You didn't Seth. It wasn't your fault," But Ryan had a feeling that it had been Seth's fault. Seth and Summer were so close, that they couldn't live without each other for long.

"Yes, it was. Sorta like dominos. I fall, she falls. She falls, I fall," Seth looked down. They were right over choppy water. They were off coast, so it was a few feet deep. Seth guessed about seven. The pier went out pretty far.

The water was black, so you really couldn't see how deep it was. But Seth didn't care. He was going to figure out how deep it was.

"But you can end it. Don't jump, it's that simple," Ryan pleaded with Seth. He didn't want to lose his brother. Seth didn't understand how much he had hurt everyone before. Doing this, he would destroy them.

"No, it's not. I have to do this, Ryan. What's left here?" Seth looked back and knew what Ryan would say. Live for his parents, Summer, him, Marissa. But really, they could live without Seth. They already had.

"Your parents, Summer, me, Marissa...." Ryan rattled off a few things. Bingo, Seth got them all right, _and_ in correct order.

"Whatever," He turned back to the ocean. He was getting nervous. Was he actually doing this?

"Seth don't," Ryan knew his attempts at saving Seth weren't working. What would stop him? Nothing. Oh wonderful.

Seth looked back one last time.

"Bye," Seth told Ryan and gave him the look. The one that told Ryan that he was about to jump.

Ryan ran closer as Seth shut his eyes and jumped off the pier. Ryan watched in horror from the rail as Seth was submerged into the ice cold ocean.

It was the coldest Seth ever felt. There was no warmth left in him, and that scared him. He continued to fall deeper into the water. He grew blue as he began to reach the bottom. Damn, it was deep. Deep enough to freeze him.

Seth hit the bottom eventually, head first into a nice rock. He slammed into it hard, but he didn't feel a thing. His body was numb from the cold and he couldn't breathe anymore. What a perfect ending.

Ryan panicked when he didn't see Seth's head come back up. The undertow would definitely pull him out.

"Shit," He said to himself and ran down the pier. He ran fast, all the way to the end. Ryan turned and went under the pier from on the beach, pushing himself the hardest he could.

When Ryan got to the water, he searched for Seth. He saw something come up from pretty far out. Ryan ran into the water, his body turning to ice immediately.

The waves hit Ryan and tried to take him back to land, but he kept pushing. The water had to be way below freezing. And Ryan kept going to the slightly visible Seth.

He couldn't believe this was happening. Not again. Number four. Ryan was about to end his own life just so he wouldn't have to witness anymore. But he should've known with Seth. Hints came so many times, and he ignored them. Good job, idiot.

Ryan was slowly getting closer to Seth, who wasn't moving. Not good. Not good at all. Ryan was fully in the water, and dove under a wave and swam to Seth. If he ever got out of this alive, he'd never take a single thing for granted. If was the important word there.

Ryan was only a few feet away from Seth. So damn close. Seth was unconscious, drowning. Ryan felt Seth. Thank God. He grabbed him and pulled his head out of the water. Ryan noticed Seth's bleeding head. Crap.

His muscles were beat. Ryan could barely move. He pushed himself too hard. No. He had to get Seth out of the water. If they didn't drown, they'd freeze to death for sure. That was so welcoming.

Ryan tried to set Seth out. He was going so slow, he was so tired. He had to keep Seth from drowning. Good work, Seth. Get yourself hit on the head so you don't have to put in any effort.

Ryan pushed his weak body to get him and Seth to the beach. The waves helped a bit, but they always took them both under water.

He didn't think they'd make it out of this alive. Ryan was just too tired. His eyelids were falling, and he tried to keep his grip on Seth tight, but that was hard. Ryan was slipping on Seth, and this was the end for both of them.

The end. Ryan was welcoming it by now. He didn't mind sleeping forever. Sure, he' hurt people, but they would live, right? Of course. Life goes on. Just not for Seth or Ryan.

A wave came crashing into them and the last thing Ryan saw was crystal blue eyes illuminated in the distance.

**I know, incredibly short chap! It was going to have two parts, but I thought I'd leave you at a cliffhanger. Almost literally. But the next chap will be possibly the longest I've done. Almost certainly. Please review, I love them!**


	10. Coming Clean

**Wow, wasn't that a short chap last time? Well, this should make up for it. I mean, really make up for it. Like I said before, you must hang on a cliffhanger. So, I promise you this chap is so worth it. Really worth it. There's even comedy! Partially. I think. I don't know. But the inevitable has come. I must do this.** **Don't worry, I won't severely damage the main characters....**

Marissa took her tenth sip and shivered. It was so cold out. This was the only place safe from her parents. Her dad barely noticed her and her mom noticed her too much. She didn't even think Jimmy or Julie knew about Summer. How could they? Marissa was the one who told them everything.

She walked down the empty boardwalk, it was calming. It was just her, left to drink. To numb the immense pain. And there was a lot of that pain to numb. Everything with Summer was just overwhelming. Summer shouldn't be in that facility. If anyone should be, it was Marissa. She had the most problems of them all.

The part of the pier that was over water came into focus. That was where her, Ryan, and Seth hung out the one day while hiding Ryan. Life had been relatively simple back then. There wasn't any shooting or suicides to deal with. Marissa wished she could go back to then. When Ryan didn't hate her.

She missed the time she spent with Ryan. They had been a good couple, with the normal bumps in the road. Well, Oliver wasn't a normal bump. A huge mistake from Marissa, befriending him. If she ever got back together with Ryan, she'd believe him no matter what.

Marissa was near the pier, when she noticed two figures. One stood on the railing at the end, and the other stood a few feet away from the first.

"Don't jump, it's that simple," Marissa heard one of them say. She could barely hear it, having to strain her ears. And then it hit her.

That person was about to jump. Kill themself. And what could she do? Nothing, just watch.

Marissa was frozen to her spot as she watched the two figures argue. And then, the person jumped.

She gasped and saw the second person run to the rail. She saw him run down the pier and she knew she was cloaked in the dead of night. The person ran down to the end of the pier and turned. Marissa dropped her full bottle.

It was Ryan.

Ryan didn't notice her as he ran down the beach to the water. To Seth. Marissa was horrified. Seth just jumped off the pier.

She didn't know what to do. Go help Ryan? How could she? She was a little drunk. She couldn't walk right. Marissa closed her eyes and tried to focus. Go help Ryan. Go save Seth.

Marisa ran down to the beach, then kicking off her flip flops and dropping her purse, knowing they would slow her down. She could see Ryan and Seth in the water. Seth wasn't moving. Oh God, that wasn't good. What if Seth died? Hadn't they gone through this already?

She wondered how Ryan could even see Seth. It was so dark under the pier. Everything was enveloped in darkness. She kept going down the beach, not nearly as fast as Ryan had. She never knew he could run that fast. But this was scary. Anyone would run that fast.

Marissa saw Ryan reach Seth, and a little bit of hope formed inside her. But Ryan was going slow. Really slow. She could see the exhaustion. Her buzz had worn off by now. Good thing she wasn't that drunk. She reached the water, hoping Ryan would see her. He didn't. Shit.

The water froze her feet. How was Ryan getting through this? Seth was passed out, and she saw a wave come over the two Ryan kept moving and Marissa headed deeper into the water.

Ryan and Marissa were about seven feet apart, yet he still didn't notice her. The wavers were too rough to see anything. She pushed on, waist deep in the water.

Then she saw a wave come. It was huge. Marissa knew they'd all be taken under. She was near reaching him, when the wave hit.

"Ryan!" Marissa yelled and held out her arm, but it didn't help. Ryan and Seth were taken under, as was she. The wave was pulling her in the undertow, she tried to get to the surface. It was so difficult. As soon as she got up, she saw another wave come. Ducking under, she opened her eyes, maybe she'd see Ryan or Seth underwater. Nothing. Why had she even tried that?

Marissa broke the surface and scanned the ocean through burning eyes. Everything was fuzzy because of the salt water, but she did make out Seth and Ryan. They were being pulled out in the undertow. Ryan was unconscious, and she saw a trickle of blood of both of them. This was so not good.

Marissa tried to swim to the two, pushing herself farther and farther. Not she knew how Ryan felt earlier. She had to get to them. Deciding it might be easier, she went underwater and swam to them. The waves went over her and tried to trap her in the undertow, but she fought them. She was determined to get to Seth and Ryan.

Finally, Marissa reached the two unconscious Cohens and grabbed them. Being tired, she pulled them to the shore. Waves assisted her, but they kept taking them under. They weren't very far away from the beach, but it was still a struggle. Marissa couldn't believe that this was happening. They were happy once. Now, that was gone.

If she ever made it out of this, she would attempt to make things good once again.

A wave just like the one that initially took them under came and pushed them close to the beach. Marissa could now stand, and she pulled them out of the water.

Coughing, she turned both Ryan and Seth on their backs. Ryan's breathing was shallow, and Seth's was barely heard. Then she saw Ryan's tiny injury, and Seth's major one.

"Fuck," Marissa cursed and then realized her phone was in her purse, all the way up the beach. She cursed once more, and got up. With the limited amount of energy left, she ran to her purse. She grabbed it and rushed back, falling to her knees in exhaustion. Where was her cell phone? Marissa rummaged through her bag. Found it.

She dialed 911, and stared intently at Seth and Ryan. She prayed they would be okay.

"911. What's your emergency?" The person on the other line answered.

"My friends aren't breathing very well. And I need help. They're bleeding too," Marissa found herself crying already.

"Where are you?"

"I'm at the beach. Under the pier, at eh edge," Marissa answered, looking up for some odd reason. In her mind, she hoped the ambulance was already there. It wasn't.

"We've located you. Now, have you tried CPR?" The attendant said after a few moments. Marissa hadn't even thought about CPR.

"No, but I can try. What about the bleeding? It's really bad. How do I stop it?" She begged as she began to put her hands on Seth's chest a few times. He was barely breathing. Ryan was doing much better than Seth.

"Put pressure on it," The attendant told her and she didn't know how to put pressure on it, and do CPR. Damn it, why the hell was Ryan out? Marissa knew she had to get Seth breathing. She pushed on his chest and few times and checked.

"He's still not breathing. Are they coming soon?" Marissa couldn't do this.

"Yes, they're on their way," Marissa kept doing CPR. Thank goodness her and Summer had taken a lifeguard class a couple of years back. Thank goodness she had paid attention, unlike her other classes.

Marissa knew that she had to do something else for Seth. She put her lips on his and breathed in. That was weird. Why couldn't Ryan wake up? She pushed on Seth's chest again and then she heard sirens.

"I hear them," She commented excitedly and watched as two ambulances drove onto the beach. They sped towards Marissa and the head lights finally illuminated things.

Marissa hung up with the attendant and backed away as paramedics surrounded Seth and Ryan. She let more tears fall as she watched the paramedics perform more CPR, and put the two on stretchers. This couldn't be happening again. Why had Seth done this? Just to hurt everyone even more? Because Marissa was sick of this pain. She wanted to get away.

After a few minutes, someone put a blanket around Marissa.

"Thank you," She whispered to the paramedic.

"You should come with us. We want to make sure you're all right," the paramedic told Marissa and she nodded. She was helped up and into an ambulance. Her purse was given to her and then they put the stretcher in.

Marissa came face to face with the still unconscious Ryan. She quickly looked away, not wanting to see him. Instead she looked out the window behind her and stared into darkness.

Everything hit her than. Seth tried to commit suicide. What was wrong with Newport teens? Did they think suicide was the best way out? Marissa had certainly thought that. Hell, she kind of thought that now.

It was like dominos. Everything happens because of something else. Because Seth was shot, Summer lost it. Because Summer lost it, Seth jumped. Between those two was something. Something Marissa might have understood once, but not anymore.

"Keep this on," Another paramedic told Marissa. The blanket had fallen off her and she begun to shiver. "You know, these two were really lucky you were there."

"What?" Marissa turned and saw paramedics working on Ryan.

"If you hadn't been there, I don't think they would've survived. They would've been caught in the undertow and....they would've both drowned," Marissa felt uncomfortable. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to be back on the pier, drinking down her pain, only thinking about herself. Now that had changed. Would Ryan and Seth be okay? Would Seth be sent away? At least he would be with Summer. Or would he? Marissa wasn't going to let another one of her friends be sent away.

Suddenly, everything went in fast forward. Marissa got out and was taken to a room. Ryan and Seth were wheeled away. She was okay, but had to wait until she was picked up by her mom and dad. She sat there and her parents came in, and embraced the still wet Marissa. Julie had a new set of clothes and flip flops. They started paperwork as Marissa changed, and then she was being escorted out.

Walking out, she saw Kirsten and Sandy.

"Wait," Marissa told her mother and walked over to Sandy and Kirsten. "How are they?"

"Ryan's sleeping, and we don't know about Seth," Kirsten answered. She seemed drained.

"What room is Ryan in?" Marissa asked. She wasn't leaving. She wanted to make sure they were okay.

"214. On the second floor," Kirsten answered.

"Mom, I'm gonna stay here," Marissa told Julie and Julie left Marissa her keys. She would go with Jimmy, to her dismay. They hugged their daughter again. Marissa stepped away from them all and went down the hall to the elevator. How many times had she been here? No one was going on the elevator except her. It was too late. The world slept.

Marissa entered the elevator and pressed the number 2. It was a short ride, but long enough.

No one was running frantically around on the second floor like the ER had. She walked out and went to room 214.

This room was slightly different compared to Seth's old room. Marissa went in and saw the sleeping Ryan, and this sight calmed her. Ryan was okay. She saw in a chair next to him and looked around. What could she do while he slept? Her bottle had shattered on the pier. Her full bottle. She hadn't gotten much use of it. Maybe she had a backup in her purse. At least a small one.

Soon enough, Marissa found the backup bottle half the size of her original one. She took a sip. It calmed her even more. Which she needed. Marissa looked over and saw the cut on Ryan's head. It wasn't nearly as big as Seth's gash, but it still had obviously done the trick.

Marissa felt cold. She wasn't wet anymore, but she was still cold. Nothing was keeping her warm. There was nothing she could get to be warm. How could she really be cold? This place was a sauna compared to the temperature of the water.

She took another sip. How could everything, _anything_, go back to the way it had been? Hopefully, all the dominos had fallen and it was time to rebuild.

000000000000

Ryan's eyes opened to a stained ceiling. Where was he? All he remembered was ice water and the pier and.....Seth. Where was Seth? Was he okay? Ryan hadn't gotten him out. Oh God, what if Seth died?

He shot up, looking around. Ryan heard a shriek and turned to his left. There was Marissa, catching her breath.

"Jesus, Ryan, you scared me.......you're awake," Marissa stared at Ryan in amazement.

"Where's Seth? Is he okay?" Ryan attempted to get up.

"Calm down, he's fine," Marissa pushed him back to the bed. "Sandy came in about an hour ago and told me."

"Oh. Wait, what are you doing here? How did you know about what happened?" Ryan was confused. But Seth was okay, he wasn't dead. thank God for that.

"Well, Kirsten and Sandy are totally obsessing and watching over Seth like a hawk, so I figured I wouldn't let you be left out," Marissa answered as Ryan finally eased himself a tiny bit.

"But how did you figure out about what happened?" Ryan felt a little flattered with what Marissa said. It took a moment for Marissa to answer.

"I was there," She knew she would have to tell Ryan everything. This was something she wasn't ready to tell him. How would he take it? Would he know what she had been doing?

"What?" How could Marissa be there? Ryan never saw her. Of course, it had been dark, but wouldn't he have noticed her?

Wait a second, he _had_ seen her. Her eyes. That was the last thing he saw.

"I had been walking down the pier when I saw you and Seth. I saw him jump. And then you ran to the beach, and I followed. When I reached you guys, you already were out cold. So I got you two to the shore and I called 911," Marissa told Ryan the shortened version of the tale.

"Wow.....um, thank you," Ryan was pretty amazed. If Marissa hadn't been there, he'd be.....dead.

"You're welcome," Marissa smiled at Ryan. She thought back to when she told Ryan she loved him, and he said, 'thank you.' But in the end, he had told her he loved Marissa.

Did he still? She doubted it. That happened over a year ago, a lot had happened between then and now.

"Is Seth on suicide watch?" Ryan was really worried about his brother.

"No," Marissa answered, and Ryan got confused. Why wasn't Seth on suicide watch? He had just jumped off the pier.

"Why?" Ryan didn't understand.

"I didn't tell them," Marissa stared at Ryan. "That he jumped."

"Then what did you tell them?" Ryan didn't think Marissa would've lied. She didn't lie that often. But really she did.

"That we had been on the beach and we started to dare each other. Then Seth got caught in the undertow and hit his head, so did you and so on," Marissa kept herself calm. She wanted to spill everything to Ryan.

"Why did you lie?" Ryan could guess why, but he didn't know if he was right.

"I didn't want Seth to be sent away like Summer did," Marissa turned away from Ryan and she felt the awkwardness between them. She shouldn't be here. He was awake, it was Marissa's time to disappear.

Ryan was still getting a handle on everything. Seth was okay, but he would most likely be sent to a shrink. Too much was happening in Newport. He needed to get away. For just a little bit of time. Everyone did.

Marisa looked down at her purse. The empty bottle peeked out from it. She shoved it back in. Her buzz had been gone for a while. She had finished the bottle long before Sandy had come in an hour ago.

"Ryan....." Marissa started, but didn't know how to end. She missed him. Him and her. She wanted to try. She wanted to tell him everything.

So she kissed him.

Ryan was totally taken off guard. Why was she doing this? They weren't together. But he didn't push her off.

"Uhh...." He tried to form words after they stopped kissing, but he couldn't. He was still in shock.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That was really, really, stupid. Um, I should go.....somewhere else. I shouldn't have done that....stupid feelings. Uh, I...... bye," Marissa got up and began to leave.

"Wait," Ryan stopped her, so she turned to him, embarrassed. "I'm really confused. Could you maybe explain here?"

"No," Marissa shook her head.

"What?" Usually the person did explain, not object.

"I can't explain," Marissa was so embarrassed. She wanted to leave. Really badly.

"Why not?" Ryan did want to know why Marissa kissed him.

"Because it was just stupid and I shouldn't have done it," Marissa wanted to run.

"But why? Why did you kiss me?" Ryan did care for Marissa, just not in the way she might want. He used to, but not anymore.

"Because....." Marissa slowly walked over. "I miss you."

"I'm right here," Ryan pointed out to her.

"No, I mean us. I miss us," Marissa finally got it out. It felt liberating, now that Ryan knew.

"As a couple," Ryan didn't know Marissa felt that way. He had an inkling of it, but he never thought too much about it.

"Yes, as a couple," Marissa was about to add a sarcastic comment, it wasn't the right time. Ryan nearly died. Sure, let's make him feel stupid.

"Oh," Ryan took a moment to let this idea sink in. He and Marissa never worked, didn't she get that?

"See? I told you it was stupid," Marissa pointed out. It had been a really stupid idea to try to get back together with Ryan.

"No, it's not stupid. Just awkward...." Ryan didn't think he would ever be talking to Marissa about their relationship again.

"It always is between us. At least for me. I'm used to it," Marissa commented. She still wanted to get away, but not as much anymore. At least she got to talk to Ryan, they hadn't really since two weeks ago.

"Right. But we don't work very well together. We can't be together," Ryan had to admit, he had liked the time spent with Marissa, but that time was gone.

"Why can't we? We had a great relationship and then it just went bad..." Marissa argued.

"Whose fault is that?" Ryan couldn't believe he was having this conversation with Marissa.

"That was Oliver. And anyways, you had wanted to get back together, remember? We were back together. Right around when my mom got engaged," Marissa was mad at Ryan. He said he loved her, yet he didn't.

"A lot of things happened since then. When school started up again, I had wanted to get back together, or at least talk about it. But when I walked into that school, you didn't even look at me. You had totally changed," Ryan had partially forgotten about the first day of school. Most of his school memories of this year were from the shooting and after.

"I thought you were gone and done with Newport," Marissa regretted not talking to him until the shooting. When she ran into his arms right away.

"I almost was," Ryan, every so often, regretted coming back to Newport. Chino had been sane compared to Newport.

Marissa didn't know what to say. Why had she brought this up? There was too much going on around them and Marissa and Ryan had too many things in their past that screwed up their future.

She wasn't leaving and she didn't understand why. She should be leaving and forgetting this all happened. But something kept her there.

"What should we do?" Marissa asked Ryan. "Can we try?" She wanted to be with Ryan so badly. He was her rock, her safety.

"I don't know," Ryan would've been gone by now. But there was one problem: He was in a hospital, and hadn't been released. So he had to stay here, stuck with Marissa, feeling uncomfortable.

"We could take it super slow," Marissa suggested. It could work, it had to. "Like, just hang out and slowly get into a real relationship?"

Ryan didn't really want to do this. But he felt like he should, for Marissa. But what did he get out of it? A false relationship.

Of course, there was the possibility of it actually working. Of them actually falling in love. Again.

Maybe Ryan would say yes. He could have something to look forward to. And then the biggest problem they had before came into his mind: trust.

Did Marissa trust Ryan? Last time she said anything about it was a year ago, saying, "I don't trust you." So did she trust him?

"Do you trust me?" Ryan asked, knowing this answer would help him choose.

"Why is that a big deal?" Marissa had blocked the breakup out of her mind.

"Because that's how we broke up the first time. You couldn't trust me," No one had trusted Ryan at that time.

"Oh," Marissa now remembered. Everything with Oliver and how Ryan had been right.

"So do you?" Ryan stared at Marissa as she thought. She trusted him. But why couldn't she say it?

Ryan looked down, he knew. Marissa still didn't trust him. But then again, did he trust her?

"I don't know," She found herself saying. No, she did trust him. Why could she not say it? Her mouth would not say the words she wanted to.

"Okay then," Ryan had his answer. They couldn't be together. It was impossible.

"No, I do. I mean, I think," Marissa tried to redeem herself. She wanted to be with Ryan.

"You think?" The question should have a simple answer. Yes or no. At least it should be simple.

"Yeah," Marissa agreed. She wasn't going to do it. She wasn't going to tell him.

"Well...." Ryan began, but Marissa interrupted him.

"Ryan, I love you," Marissa exclaimed to him and silenced the room. She told herself she wouldn't do that, and she did. Damn it.

"Um...." Ryan didn't know what to say. He thought this was over. Hadn't they gone through this before? But then, he had loved her, but now, he didn't.

This was just getting more and more complicated by the second.

"Sorry," Marissa apologized for her stupidity.

"No, um.......uh.....' Ryan had nothing to say. Like usual. He never had anything to say. That's why he never said much. Before. He had to speak up now, say things, the world had become too silent.

"I'm gonna go. Sorry," Marissa turned away form Ryan. She felt tears, this was really it. She was in love with a dream.

Her and Ryan would never be. They could barely be friends.

Ryan thought about this. He didn't love Marissa anymore, but he had enjoyed the time he spent with her. She made him feel good. Like at the carnival, or on Thanksgiving. And he cared about her.

He couldn't believe he was actually doing this.

"Wait," He was doing this. He doubted it would work, but they both needed something sane to hold onto. Marissa turned around, and looked at Ryan. "I guess we can try."

00000000

Kirsten was in shock. Again. He was lying there. Again. He had almost died. Again. Why was this happening? What had happened? They hadn't told her much, of course, they weren't told much. The only witness was Marissa, and all she said was that they were in the water and got hurt. Real descriptive.

It was Saturday morning, Seth had slept all Friday. The doctors guaranteed he would wake up today. They were sick of Kirsten, since she bugged them every time she saw one. They hadn't been in to check on Seth in a while. She swore they were avoiding her.

But why shouldn't she be worried? Seth just got out of a coma. What if he fell into one again? Maybe he hadn't been ready to come out. Kirsten was going to wake him up if he didn't soon.

Sandy came in to check on Seth and Kirsten.

"How's Seth?" Sandy asked.

"Sleeping. How's Ryan?" Kirsten felt bad that she hadn't checked on Ryan at all. She had been so obsessed with Seth that Ryan didn't get any attention.

"He got discharged. Him and Marissa should be here soon," Sandy signed the papers, Ryan's injuries weren't nearly as bad as Seth's. Ryan did get hurt, but it was only a scratch compared to Seth.

And soon enough, Ryan and Marissa walked in, holding hands. Kirsten noticed it immediately. She got up and hugged Ryan, glad to see him okay.

"Um, we just got a call from Mr. Roberts saying Summer had visitation. Will Seth be awake soon?" Marissa asked as Ryan stared down at his brother. It felt like the beginning of November again, and Seth had just fallen into his coma.

"I don't think so," Kirsten doubted it.

"But he's okay, right?" Ryan couldn't believe that Seth had jumped off the pier. It wasn't right.

"He should be fine. Just needs to rest, he hurt his head pretty bad. You two should go. So you can see Summer," Kirsten told Ryan and Marissa.

"Are you sure? Because we can stay," Ryan asked immediately.

"No. Go. Summer'll be happy to see you guys," Both Kirsten and Sandy knew.

"All right. Bye guys. Call us if there's any change with Seth," Marissa had begun to leave.

"Okay," Kirsten told Ryan. And he reluctantly followed Marissa. Kirsten knew why Ryan was so worried.

Sandy soon left, to go check on something. How could people leave while someone was in the hospital? Kirsten could not understand it.

She looked at Seth, and saw the deep gash. That was what was keeping Seth asleep. It had to be painful.

Why couldn't he wake up? It had been two days after the shooting that Seth fell into the coma. He couldn't do it again. The doctors told Kirsten not to wake him, even if she was incredibly worried. Which was all the time. She was going insane staring at him.

It was eight hours later when she heard Seth groan. Thank God. He moved, and opened his eyes. Not again. He already knew he hadn't succeeded in killing himself. Damn it. What had happened/ how long had it been this time? Three months, a year perhaps?

He sighed and pushed himself up to see his mother. The person eh least wanted to see. He prayed he had slept for a long time so Kirsten would've forgotten everything.

She hadn't.

"Hi," Seth looked at her and she got up and hugged him without saying a word. She was happy he was up, but she was still a little upset with what he had said before.

"How do you feel?" She looked down at him. Right then, he noticed his head was in excruciating pain.

"Head hurts," Seth could tell his mom was still pissed, but did care.

"Figures," She commented as she sat back down in her seat.

"How long have I been out?" Seth hoped it had been nice and long.

42...." Yes. That was long enough. "...hours," What? Hours? Damn it.

"Oh," Seth was ready to get it. The yelling.

"I know I should be mad at you, but I can't. You and Ryan both almost died, and I would feel horrible if I was mad at you and I never saw you again," Kirsten was a bit mad, but worry and joy overtook that.

"Ryan almost died?" Seth was sick. He had almost killed his brother.

"Uh-huh. Good thing Marissa was there, because if she wasn't there, you'd be dead," Kirsten didn't quite understand what had happened and how Marissa got in the mix.

"Marissa?" Seth knew Marissa wasn't there. Had Ryan, like called her?

Wait a second, Marissa saved their lives. She didn't seem like the saving lives person. She was more take her own life person. They all were.

"Yes," Kirsten could tell Seth was confused by the story.

"How's Ryan now?" Seth really felt bad. He only wanted to kill himself, not Ryan.

"He got discharged this morning. He and Marissa went to visit Summer," Kirsten figured this would start the time where Seth would be pissed.

"They went to see Summer?" Now that Seth was alive, he wanted to see Summer. And he screwed that up.

"I wanted to wake you up, even before that, but the doctors wouldn't let me. All the doctors hate me here now because I bugged them all so much," Seth hadn't yelled yet, but she figured he soon would.

"I guess I can see her next time," Seth wasn't going to fight with his mom. His new vow. It hurt everyone too much when he did.

"Yeah," Kirsten was surprised from his calmness.

"Mom, what did they tell you happened?" Seth knew Kirsten would've mentioned his suicide attempt if he was on suicide watch and the psych floor. And she hadn't. Somebody had been lying.

"Marissa didn't tell anyone much, just that her and Ryan found you, and you were hanging out at the beach, and you guys started daring each other, and during a dare, you and Ryan got caught in the undertow and she pulled you both out," Kirsten explained. To her, it was truth. To him, it was bullshit.

"That didn't happen," Seth would have to tell Kirsten that he jumped some time. He'd take the consequences. Psych floor, all of that. Even if it went far enough, he could see Summer at the hospital.

"Then what did?" Now Kirsten was really confused.

"Well, Ryan found me at the pier and Marissa must've met up with him later, but, I, um..." Seth didn't want to tell her, but he knew he'd have to.

"What?" Kirsten had a bad feeling.

"I jumped off the pier," Kirsten felt the whole world stop around her. Was this true? Had Seth really jumped? had he really given up on life?

Seth looked down and away from his mother. He knew he broke her heart. He had wanted to die. Seth didn't know if he still did, but was beginning to think he did.

Kirsten couldn't say a word. She felt so sick. Had she pushed him over the edge, figuratively speaking? When she told him how they would've taken him off life support, had he decided right then and there that he wanted to die?

"Mom, I...." Seth started to say, but was interrupted. He was going to apologize, but had he wanted to? Maybe he wasn't sorry he wanted to die.

"Why?" Kirsten asked him as tears cascaded down from her eyes. She felt like a horrible mother.

"I don't know. I guess, I felt like I didn't deserve to live," Seth didn't look up at his mother. He couldn't.

Kirsten took time to let it absorb. Her son wanted to die. How could she say something that would make him feel better? Was there anything to say?

"Seth, why would you even think that?" Kirsten kind of knew the anser. But her son was suicidal, and she needed to hear the answer from him.

"I was shot. People planned to kill me. And you wanted to take me off life support. No one wanted me alive, and I dint think I should've been," Seth wished to be anywhere else. He felt as though every word that came out of his mouth hurt his mother more.

Kirsten never thought she'd be having this conversation with Seth. He seemed so fine when he came out of the coma, and then, he lost it.

"If you want to tell the doctors about what really happened, I don't care. Maybe I deserve to get locked up," Though one of the only things that lately had been on his mind was Summer, and you could guarantee that Seth was thinking about her, he wasn't. Seth really thought he was crazy. He didn't know if he was gonna try again, but he might as well. He could only guess where his life would go.

Kirsten thought. Should she tell them? Seth might get sent away. He could be with Summer, but was sending him away really the solution? She wouldn't see him, they could ignore the problem.

"I'm not gonna," Kirsten knew what would happen. If she had to do something for him, other than have him talk to her and Sandy, then have him go see a therapist. That's as far as she would go.

"What?" Seth was ready for her to jump out of the seat and tell the doctors. He wasn't expecting this.

"I won't tell them as long as you don't try again," That was a fair deal. An easy deal. To Kirsten.

But Seth didn't know what would happen next. He didn't know if he could promise not to attempt suicide. It seemed so simple, right? Just don't kill yourself. But that was a little difficult for Seth.

Kirsten got afraid. Seth hadn't answered. He really wanted to kill himself.

"You want to do it again," She said aloud, looking at Seth for a nod or shake of his head. Nothing came. She knew he did. And how could she stop him? If he really wanted to, he would do it. She couldn't stop him. She could fight him forever, and send him away, but would it really stop him from wanting to kill himself?

She stood up, not believing she was going to do this. Maybe it would stop him, she hoped that, or maybe it would push him more.

"Just don't let anyone see you," She told Seth and walked out. She got to the doorway and leaned outside it, sobbing. What had she done? Had she just given up on her son? She felt sick. What if he really did attempt?

Seth sat there, awestruck. His mother had just given up on him. She didn't care. She really didn't care. Now what was left? Nothing. No one was going to stop him.

So why was he so afraid? He was getting his wish. He was going to end it. But he felt different now. No. He was going to do this.

Seth got up and went to his clothes. A pair of scissors had been in his pocket in case he couldn't jump. He almost didn't put them in his pocket. There were there for what reason exactly? This reason.

He walked back to the bed and sat down. Looking at his wrist, he saw the faintest line. Had he done it before? Yes. Years and years ago. He stopped by himself. He didn't remember why now. Probably something with Summer.

Ironic. Summer saved him, yet she destroyed him.

Did he want to do it? Really give up completely? Maybe he did, since everyone else did. Plus, he had earlier.

He sat there with the scissors to his wrist, ready to give up. Who knew he was giving up so soon?

Kirsten was afraid of what she would find when she would walk back in. Would she even walk back in? It would hurt too much.

Seth couldn't do it. He couldn't. What was wrong with him? He had wanted to do this.

But something had changed. No one cared anymore. That's why he was going to do it. But that's why he was halting.

Closing his eyes, Seth pressed the scissors to his skin, and felt it puncture. It stung. He pushed deeper. And pulled. He opened his eyes, seeing that he had already pushed pretty far. He was bleeding.

He shut his eyes and pushed harder and opened his mouth in pain.

"Mom," Seth found himself saying. She stopped crying as hard when she heard. Had he done it? "Mom," He said again, louder and clearer this time. She stood up and turned to the door. Walking in, she saw Seth with a pair of scissors to his wrist, blood dripping down his arm. A line of red had formed.

Kirsten's heart broke.

"Seth..." She whispered as he looked up to her, with pain in his eyes.

"I need someone to stop me. Because I don't think I can," Seth told her, feeling helpless. If she wasn't there, he would've kept going.

She walked to him and took the scissors out of his hand, and blood ran out form the wound faster. She held him close and found herself crying harder as she hugged him.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry. I couldn't do it. I'm so sorry," Seth could feel a tear run down his face as his mother let all her tears fall. He couldn't finish it.

"It's okay. It'll be okay. Eventually it will. I'm just so glad you didn't go through with it fully," Kirsten told Seth. She knew things would be completely different now, knowing what happened. Slowly, they'd get better.

"I am too," And Seth really meant it.

**Am I evil or what? I know, time to yell at me. But nothing bad occurred. Well, to you maybe. Ryan and Marissa are hard for me. It took me so long to just get through that. Well, please review, I've got a lot more for ya!**


	11. Past and Present Colliding

**Oh my gosh guys, thank you so much for the awesome reviews. I've never felt more loved. Well, we're at the chapter where we might finally learn what the heck is up with Ryan. Yay! This might be short, a lot shorter than the last chapter, but this is chop full of stuff. Confrontations galore. LOL.**

Ryan sat in Marissa's car, contemplating getting out and running to the Cohens'. Why was he doing this? What had he agreed to? Were he and Marissa together? Oh shit, what was happening? How the hell had he found himself doing two things he specifically did not want to do?

He saw Marissa come out of Summer's house with two bags of stuff. She was smiling at him. He had a bad feeling.

"Mr. Roberts can't see Summer. So I got some more of her stuff and Mr. Roberts left directions on the counter for us," She and Ryan were back together. The thought kept running through her head.

"Cool," Ryan hadn't said much since leaving the hospital. He was worried about Seth. Watching him jump was one of the scariest things ever.

"Are you okay?" Marissa asked Ryan once they had gotten on the highway. He was being extra-silent. "Because, I mean, if you're not cool with us, even though we are going super slow . . . "

"No, it's not us. I'm just thinking about Seth," Ryan told the truth. Partially. He was still getting used to him and Marissa.

"Right. That was really scary the other night. Do you think Seth'll be okay? Because he had been bleeding pretty bad," Marissa hated to think of then.

"Kirsten said he'll be fine. He should be. I just hope he doesn't stay sleeping for too long," Ryan commented.

"How long was it last time?" Marissa thought back to when Summer had broken down and Marissa had visited Seth, breaking down in front of him. That was ages ago.

"49 days. Seven weeks exactly," Ryan answered.

"Wow. It kind of seemed longer," Marissa felt the silence enwrap them. She wanted to say something else, but what? She knew Ryan's thoughts were on Seth, Marissa's were to an extent. But she was also thinking about Summer, and how she would react to what was happening in Newport. She wouldn't take it very well.

They were on the highway for a while, and Marissa wished she could say something to Ryan. Isn't it supposed to be easier to talk to someone when you're dating?

"So....." Marissa started, but didn't finish. How could she finish?

"Yeah?" Ryan thought she wanted to talk, which she did, but didn't know how to talk to him.

"Um, do you want to get something to eat?" Lame. That was just really lame.

"I don't care," Ryan had his mind too preoccupied. They were going to see Summer. At Willow Creek.

"Oh," Marissa kept driving. She turned on the radio to get rid of the silence. Her mix cd blared at the. She never really took out this cd, it had all different music, and they were good songs.

Ryan didn't care what dong was on, this was it. He wanted to go back.

A particularly sad song turned on. Marissa forgot where she heard it, but it was so good.

"I can smell the rain coming/But I won't leave until it falls/I'm gonna soak in its' downpour..."

Marissa checked the directions. They were halfway there. She could barely take the silence. Even if there was music. It was sickening.

"What do you want to do after seeing Sum?" Marissa asked, hoping it would spark a conversation.

"I don't know," Ryan still couldn't believe he had said 'yes' to being with Marissa. It was tough already, no doubt it would get harder.

"Well, you have to want to do something," Marissa was going to continue this conversation.

"Uh, visit Seth. Make sure he's okay," Ryan was really worried about him.

"Right," Marissa knew the conversation was over.

"Weighted sorrow in perfect clouds/Bursting in the air/Wash away and drown...."

Marissa paid attention to the lyrics. Drown. How perfect. She meant to change it, but she didn't. Why the hell didn't she?

Ryan didn't look at Marissa, he only stared out the window, thinking. Thinking about what his life was like, and how lucky he was.

"The rook flips beneath my feet/As the branches back away from me/The softest grass turns to concrete...."

The song was ending. But not soon enough. Marissa quickly fast forwarded through the song.

"You could've kept it on. I don't mind," Ryan told Marissa as a new song started.

"I did," She told him matter-of-factly.

They didn't talk much during the rest of the ride to Willow Creek. Ryan continued to gain nervousness, but Marissa didn't notice. He was happy about that, but grew incredibly worried as they went up the long, familiar driveway to the facility.

Marissa parked the car, and they both got out. Marissa right away, Ryan with hesitation. Marissa put her hand in his, and they walked up.

It was huge, and Marissa saw no other people around, except the receptionist. She walked up to her, as Ryan reluctantly followed, avoiding eye contact with everything except the floor.

"Hi, we're here to visit someone," Marissa told the receptionist coolly.

"And who would that be?" The receptionist didn't look up either.

"Summer Roberts," Marissa didn't notice that no one was even looking up. But finally the receptionist looked up, giving a strange look to Ryan, which Marissa did notice. She nudged Ryan, and he looked up at the receptionist, giving a small smile before looking back down. She didn't understand.

"A nurse will come down to escort you up. You'll need these," They were handed visitor's passes. "Do not let anyone have them," Marissa and Ryan went over to a couch and sat down. They waited for five minutes until a nurse finally came down to escort them.

Opening the door to the ward, Marissa felt strange. She should be here, not Summer. She and Ryan walked by the rooms and at the end, they saw a day room. Families were all around, talking to their kids. Summer sat in a chair in the corner, waiting.

She had survived throughout the lonely days, slowly adjusting to life. Her therapist mostly talked to Summer about her family, they had not yet reached friends again.

Marissa saw Summer first and pulled Ryan along. Summer stare out the window, searching for a friendly car. She had missed Ryan and Marissa come in.

"Sum!" Marissa cried out, immediately grabbing Summer's attention. Summer's face glowed as she jumped up and hugged Marissa. She missed Newport so much, it was unbelievable. Summer didn't want to the visit to occur. Because when they would leave, she would miss everyone even more. If that was possible. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too!" Summer commented to Marissa. They let go and Summer saw Ryan. "Hey Ryan. I missed you," Summer hugged Ryan also. She missed everyone horribly. Think of it this way: moving away was only one tenth of the pain Summer felt.

"I missed you too," Ryan hugged back. He missed Summer. It also made him sad thinking of what Seth did because of her. She didn't know, of course, and Ryan would keep it that way. She didn't have to know just yet.

"Where's Cohen?" Summer asked once they had sat down.

"Summer...." Marissa hated to be the bearer of bad news, but she supposed she would have to tell Summer.

"He got grounded," Ryan interrupted Marissa. What was he doing? They had to tell her.

"Your parents couldn't have let him off for a little bit?" Summer was disappointed. She had waited so patiently to see Seth.

"Kirsten and Sandy have been really strict. Ever since he woke up. Right, Marissa?" Ryan looked to Marissa as she turned to him. She saw that he wanted her to agree. But how could she lie to Summer?

An image of Seth jumping flew before her eyes.

"Right," Marissa agreed after turning back to Summer. She really hated lying to Summer.

"Oh. What about my dad? Is he coming later or something?" Even though Summer was still upset with her father, she did miss him.

"He couldn't make it. But he did say he misses you," This time Ryan didn't interrupt Marissa.

"It's better off that he didn't come. I'm still kind of mad at him," Summer tried to cover her pain.

"Why?" Marissa didn't understand.

"Coop, he put me in here," Summer blatantly told Marissa.

"Oh," Marissa thought back to when her mother wanted to admit Marissa.

"I mean, he could've not put me in here, but he decided to. I'm still pissed at him, but I guess I can't be mad at someone who tried to help you forever," Summer now understood she needed help. She was messed up in the head.

"Sure you can," Marissa disagreed with Summer.

"What?" For a moment, Summer forgot about Marissa's past.

"I'm pretty sure I'll hate my mom for the rest of my life," And as always, Marissa had made the conversation about herself without even knowing she had done it.

"So anyways. What's been going on in Newport? It's been six days, I'm going crazy without any information," Summer changed the subject.

"Not much has been going on," Marissa wanted to tell Summer about Seth so badly. She hated lying, yet she did it so much.

A girl walked over and saw Summer smiling with two people. She got up and walked over to them.

"Hey Sum. Are these your friends?" Nicole asked.

"Yeah, this is..." Summer began, but Nicole interrupted.

"Hold on, let me figure this out. You're.....Marissa, right?" Nicole looked at Marissa and saw her nod. Then she turned to Ryan. "And you're Ryan," She commented plainly without any expression like she had seconds ago.

Ryan gained more uncomfortable and tried to avoid eye contact with everyone.

"Where's Seth?" Nicole had grown a little sick of hearing Summer talk about Seth. He was constantly on her mind, and he had no clue how much.

"Grounded," Ryan looked up for one second, and locked ryes with Nicole, and then he looked to the floor once again.

"Smart," Nicole commented.

"What did he do anyways?" Summer was mad that Seth couldn't make it.

"Neither Ryan nor Marissa knew how to answer that at first. Marissa did not want to lie to her best friend again. It was too hard. But Ryan found the perfect answer.

"He skipped school. Just walked out on Wednesday and hasn't gone back since," Ryan was partially telling the truth. Granted, Seth had not been grounded for leaving school, but he had yet to go back to school.

"Oh," Summer said, not fully believing Ryan. Ditching school was very unlike Seth. Especially since he had just woken up from the coma. If Kirsten and Sandy were being strict, wouldn't they be pushing Seth to go to school?

"Hey, we brought you stuff," Marissa had forgotten and she pulled out the two bags. She handed them to Summer, who eagerly looked in them. She saw clothes, and a few more pictures, along with a book or two.

"Thanks," Summer said.

"I got some of the bigger shirts from your room. I figured they're better than your shorter shirts," Marissa tried to start a conversation.

"Some of them are Cohen's," Summer commented as she stared at his shirt, with three chords, that she had stolen from him. It said, 'Now go start a band," and she smiled at it.

"Well, then you can wear them and smell him and be happy," Marissa joked. "And I put in a sweatshirt just in case it's cold in here.....which it is."

"Wouldn't you think the opposite of an institution? I mean, if it's cold, you could cover up your track marks and cutting," Nicole knew Summer's visit with her friends wasn't going as well as Summer hoped.

"Right," Marissa was a little intimated by Summer's up-front roommate.

"Wow, I completely forgot to introduce myself. Hi Marissa, I'm Nicole," Nicole shook hands with Marissa.

"Nice to meet you," Marissa answered.

"And Ryan..." Nicole held out her hand to Ryan, who was looking down, zoned out. "I'm up here," Nicole announced loudly, grabbing Ryan's attention. "I'm Nicole," They shook hands.

"Hi Nicole," Ryan told her, feeling stupid.

"I guess now I will leave you guys alone," Nicole knew when to exit. She walked away from the three, knowing something would blow over soon. It always did. Marissa and Ryan were hiding something.

"So, Sum...how do you like it here?" Marissa's eyes wandered behind Summer to see the rest of the ward. She thought about how she might have been here a year and a half ago.

"It's okay. Art Therapy is kinda fun. We paint a lot, and all the girls are nice. Though I do wish I could be home. You guys have no clue what it's like to be here," Summer wanted to be in Newport, not her actually home. She had yet to step foot in her own room since the suicide attempt. She had stayed with Marissa until school started.

"How long is it gonna be?" Marissa didn't know. All she knew was that Sandy had lost the case. Mr. Roberts hadn't said anything about it.

"Two months. I get out on March tenth, I think," Summer had figured out the date yesterday.

"That's not that bad," Though to everyone it was.

00000000000000

At about four-thirty, when the sun was slowly setting, Marissa and Ryan began to leave. They had avoided most talk about Seth. Until now.

Marissa, Ryan, and Summer got up and began their goodbyes. Summer hugged Ryan again. Harder this time, because she didn't want them to leave. She kissed him on the cheek, remembering the times he had protected her.

"Bye Ryan," Summer said, feeling a tear in her eye. She really did not want them to leave.

"Get better," Ryan told Summer. He would miss Summer, now that he saw her.

"I'm trying," She said and turned to Marissa. "I'm gonna miss you," The two hugged and Ryan started to leave.

"I'm gonna miss you too," Marissa didn't want to leave Summer here. It wasn't right.

"Call me. And see when Seth gets off grounding so maybe I can call him," Summer still believed Seth had been grounded.

"Summer, he's not grounded," Marissa exclaimed. Ryan stopped walking away, he was mad. Why did Marissa have to ruin this? He turned back to them.

"Why'd you lie then?" Summer was even madder than Ryan. Where was Seth? What the hell was happening?

"I didn't, Ryan did," Marissa made excuses.

"Don't tell her," Ryan had appeared at Marissa's side, and knew what would happen if Marissa did tell.

"I have to," Marissa shot at Ryan, looking into his eyes.

"Tell me what?" Summer wanted to know. Now.

"Sum, Seth is in the hospital," Marissa told Summer. There. It was out.

Most of the people around them, including Ryan, thought Marissa had just done the stupidest thing imaginable.

"What happened?" Summer tried to hold back tears, but it was difficult. Marissa didn't answer. "What happened?!" Summer was screaming at Marissa.

"He jumped off the pier," Marissa said, barely audible.

Summer was stunned. Seth tried to kill himself.

"I gotta go," With tears in her eyes, Summer raced to her room. Oh God. Seth wanted out. Summer wanted out.

Where could she do it

Marissa grabbed Ryan's arm and bolted. She didn't want to spend anymore time in there. She was leaving.

She pulled Ryan all the way outside until he finally let go. He knew what Summer was doing.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Ryan yelled at her as the sun began to fully go down.

"Leaving," Marissa kept speed-walking to her car.

"And you're gonna leave Summer like that?" Ryan asked Marissa, standing in front of the doors.

"What am I supposed to do?" Marissa spun around.

"I don't know, maybe you shouldn't have told her," Ryan was pissed at Marissa for telling Summer.

"She has a right to know," Marissa argued.

"Yeah, from Seth," He knew they shouldn't have even attempted to get together again.

'He's in the hospital," Ryan and her weren't even back together fully and they were already fighting.

"That's why we shouldn't have told her. Seth should've been there," Ryan commented.

"It's better that he wasn't there," Marissa did not want to fight about this.

"Right, so that she has no idea how he is, and for her only friends to just leave and not care at all," Ryan never talked a lot. He swore Marissa got him to talk the most.

"What, do you think you could make her feel all better?" Marissa could not believe Ryan.

"I could try. More than you're attempting to do," Ryan shot at her. She paused before she answered, defeated.

"Fine. Whatever. Have fun. See if I care," Marissa was a little hurt by what Ryan said.

"I won't. See ya," And Ryan walked back into the institution. He went back upstairs and he rushed to Summer's room, but bumped into Nicole.

"You came back," Nicole commented as she looked at Ryan.

"Where is she?" Ryan asked, worried about Summer.

"Well, she was in her room, but bolted once I came in. She's in the bathroom, locked up in a stall. But don't worry, no sharp objects in there," Nicole assured Ryan. "She might be a few minutes though," Ryan leaned on the wall, glad to know Summer wasn't dead. "So how are you? Haven't heard from you since you left."

"I'm good. Living in Newport," Ryan answered absent-mindedly.

"I noticed. So that where Summer lives also?" Nicole didn't exactly know where Summer lived since she never told anyone.

"Yeah," Ryan replied.

"So how's your mom? Still a drunken whore?" Nicole joked.

"I suppose," Ryan hadn't seen his mom in so long. But he didn't really care about her anymore. She helped him sometimes, but for the most part, he ruined his life. And now, he had a new family, with a second chance.

"Lost time I saw her was when she was screaming at you so bad," Nicole leaned on the wall next to Ryan.

"She did that a lot," Ryan wanted Summer to come out. He didn't want to talk to Nicole that much. Too much of his past came up.

His past was completely meeting up with the present.

"How's Theresa?" Nicole kept asking questions. Ryan didn't like it, yet he didn't quite mind it. He had to get used to it.

"Haven't seen her in a while," Ryan knew that Theresa was in Atlanta, but had she had the baby? It was January, she must've. Was it his? He probably wouldn't know. Would they ever meet again?

"She was cool," Nicole thought about it.

"Yeah, she was," Ryan hadn't spoken to Theresa since the day Seth fell in the coma. She had been there when his world fell apart. She was always there when his world fell apart.

He wanted to see her.

Summer gave up. There was nothing in this stall that would help her. She was so scared about Seth. Was he okay? He was in the hospital, so he had to be. Or maybe Marissa lied again.

She unlocked the stall door and got up. Her tears were drying, slowly but surely. Summer caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She was not who she used to be.

Summer walked out of the bathroom, wiping her eyes when she saw Ryan and Nicole leaning on the wall.

"Ryan, what are you doing here? I thought you left," And he had. He just came back.

"I have to talk to you," Ryan stood up and walked over to Summer.

"About?" Summer walked with Ryan, confused.

"Let's sit in that corner. It's kind of private and has a nice view," Ryan suggested, changing the subject. Summer got more confused.

The two sat down and neither knew what to say. Why had Ryan come back? Where was Marissa?

"What do you want to talk about?" Summer asked, still recovering from the Seth revelation.

"I know what you were about to do. Before, I mean," Ryan commented, staring at Summer.

"Nicole told you," Summer blew it off, though she was really confused.

"No," Well, that made Summer more confused than ever, if that was possible. How did he know? Was she that predictable?

Ryan had to take a moment. He would tell her. No going back. This would be tough.

"Do you remember when you said none of is understand how you felt?" Ryan asked.

"Sure, but what does that have to do with this?" Summer answered.

"I understand," Ryan was going to spill it soon.

"How?" Summer was still confused.

"Summer, I've been through everything. Abuse...." He meant both kinds there. "Depression, drinking...." And now the last one. "Withdraw."

"What do you mean 'withdraw'? Withdraw from what?"

**So? What do you think? Not a good idea, or a good idea? This is what I've been waiting to tell you guys. I mean, I've only had this planned out for the last 10 chapters. LOL. Oh yeah, if you liked that song I used, it's "Rooftop" by Melissa McClelland. Such a good song, sad though. So please review, because I love reading them!**


	12. Unbelievable Truth

**Ah, a new chapter. Let's start fresh. This chapter is a lot different from how I usually write, but oh well. I hope you like what I did to Ryan, and again, Seth isn't in this chapter. Mainly this is a Ryan-Theresa, Ryan-Summer chapter. Summeran! I love Summeran. Okay, I will leave you to the story, so read on: **

"Withdraw from what, Ryan?" Summer asked him again, as he tried to get the words to form in his mouth. This was hard for him. He was going to tell Summer. Voluntarily. "Withdraw from what? You can tell me," Summer didn't know what to think now. What was Ryan hiding?

"About three years ago, I had problems," Ryan had never told anyone. This was big. "A lot of problems," He looked up at Summer, who was still confused. "I kind of did some stuff that landed me in some places," He was prolonging telling her.

"Like?" Summer was trying to fully understand Ryan. She was afraid of the answer.

"Drugs."

00000000

_I need this to get me through_

_Can't resist and don't want to_

_Believe it I know it's true_

_I can't beat and don't want to try. . ._

A fourteen year old Ryan was lying in his dark room, elated. It took the pain away, it took the reality away. His mother was drunk on the couch, she didn't go to work again. She did care, but her boyfriend was slowly pulling her down. Trey hadn't been home in a while. He was eighteen, he could deal.Ryan's mother kept losing interest in her sons, and his father had been gone for years. They were a broken home, but that was expected in Chino.

Ryan got thirsty, so he got up. He fell back at first, he should've seen that coming. Ryan closed his eyes, and tried to gain focus. It wasn't working quite well.

He fell back to his small bed, giving in. He did it again, it was pleasure.

Soon enough he had fallen asleep, and it was filled with nightmares of the life he had and dreams of one anybody wished for. Big house, happy family, smiles every so often.

When he woke up, it had become late. It was 9:30, and he had missed dinner. Not like there was one. His head was clean, so he figured he'd go see Theresa. She had gone to school that day.

Ryan left his closet-like room, and walked into the main room, where his mother was drinking on the couch, and her boyfriend was pulling food out of the refrigerator.

"I'm going out," Ryan announced to them, though he really didn't care what they thought.

"Hey, get back here. You gotta clean up this mess," Dawn's boyfriend, Mike, yelled at Ryan, who was at the front and only door.

"I didn't make that mess. You guys clean it up, you did it," Ryan pushed the screen door open as Mike started screaming obscenities. Ryan lit a cigarette, Theresa didn't know about his secret. He walked down the street, hearing the dogs howl and the cats jumping from garbage can to garbage can. The street lights flickered, and he saw a bunch of guys hanging out at a corner. No doubt Trey was with them.

_It's more to me than you ever will know_

_Down here where the rest of us fell. . ._

Ryan knocked on Theresa's door and seconds later, Theresa had opened the door and was pulling him to her room. He didn't mind it. Though he did drop his cigarette outside.

"I thought you weren't coming over," Theresa complained as she laid down on her bed. Ryan laid down next to her, noticing a math book on the bed. Theresa kissed Ryan, as they were a couple at that time.

"What's with the book?" Ryan asked, picking it up, flipping through the pages.

"Well, my mom yelled at me. If I didn't go to school, she would like, send me to military school. So I have to go all week and do my homework. I'm a little behind, and my mom is checking everything," Theresa picked up the notebook that had dropped off the bed earlier.

"She cares," Ryan commented, looking over at Theresa.

"But I don't. We're only gonna use basic math. Even when we get out of Chino, we're only gonna use the basics," Theresa commented. She was the more optimistic of the two.

"That's _if_ we get out of Chino," Ryan corrected Theresa, who smiled.

"We'll get out of here, Ryan. One way or another. Now, you have to help me with this. I have no clue how to do this," Theresa took the math book from Ryan and found her page.

"First, I need to ask you for something. I need to borrow 125 bucks. My mom forgot to pay some bills," Ryan asked Theresa. True, the money was for bills, but Dawn didn't forget to pay the bills. Ryan had 'borrowed' some of her money.

"Um, I guess. I'll talk to my mom then. After we do these problems," Theresa didn't think much about it, because she knew Ryan's family. She had known them most of her life, since they moved from Fresno.

"Cool," Ryan was glad he had Theresa. She was amazing and a lifesaver.

They began the work, which was easy for Ryan, and he hadn't even been in class to learn any of the stuff. After that, Ryan and Theresa left her room and went into the kitchen where Theresa's mom was.

"Sure you can have the money. But Dawn needs some help. Or a better boyfriend," Theresa's mother answered after Theresa asked.

"I promise I'll pay you back," Ryan swore. He knew Theresa's family didn't have a lot more money than Ryan's, and this was a _lot_ of money.

"Okay. You're a good kid, Ryan," Theresa's mother told him, though he felt the opposite.

_Waste away with nothing left to show_

_While I'm in this perfect hell. . ._

00000000

Summer sat staring at him in disbelief. Drugs? No way. Ryan Atwood was too strong to fall to drugs. He was lying.

Of course, Ryan wasn't much of a liar, at least to Summer. He told people the truth. Except for earlier. But that was to protect Summer. So he couldn't be lying now. Summer wanted him to be lying.

Ryan wished Summer would say something soon, because it was bugging him. He had finally told one of the biggest things he ever would go through, and the person refused to talk. Did she believe him? He couldn't tell. She was just staring at him.

"Wow," Summer finally said, that was all she could say. She didn't know what to think. Ryan did drugs. Those were words she never thought she'd think.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed, hoping she'd say more. She wasn't. Why couldn't she? He needed her to talk. Their silence was bothering him so much.

"This is just...um, wow," Summer had no clue how to say anything to Ryan. She was blown away. Ryan did drugs. She had to wrap her mind around that. "So, you did drugs?"

"Yeah, I did. But not anymore. Haven't done them in a while," Ryan thought about when he did drugs. He hated himself then.

"I know this is huge for you, and it's huge for me somehow too, but I don't see how this has to do with you understanding being in here," Summer still wasn't quite following.

"You haven't gotten it, Summer, have you?" Ryan thought Summer already understood.

"Gotten what, Ryan?" Obviously she hadn't gotten it. She was confused again.

"Summer, I was in here," He told her, waiting for her reply. Summer just looked at him. He couldn't have been in here. He was Ryan. He was strong.

"Don't lie. You weren't in here," Summer wasn't going to believe it. He had lied earlier, he was lying now. It was too farfetched. Ryan couldn't have kept that secret from Newport.

"Yes, I was. Ask Sandy and Kirsten, they know. Ask the receptionist downstairs, she remembers me. Ask my old psychiatrist, John. Ask Marie, the Art Therapy teacher, they all know me," Summer was awestruck. "Ask Nicole."

Wait a second, Ryan knew Nicole? Summer shot her head to where Nicole was, now reading a tattered Stephen King novel.

"Go ask her. She'll tell you," Ryan didn't care now. He didn't want to be called a liar. This was one of the biggest things in his life. He'd never forget it, even though he tried.

00000000

_Now it's got a hold of me_

_I don't think I can make it through this_

_Now it's got a hold of me_

_The less I do the more it makes no sense. . ._

Theresa hadn't seen Ryan in three days. He hadn't been in school, and he didn't come over at all. She was worried about him. Had something happened? What if he had gotten beaten up badly? What if his mother kicked him out? No, she wouldn't kick out a fourteen old. A sixteen year old, but not fourteen. Theresa was going insane not talking to Ryan. If he ever left forever, she'd lose it.

She knocked on the Atwoods' front door, surprised to find Dawn come to the door. Didn't she work?

"Hi, Mrs. Atwood. Is Ryan home?" Theresa asked Dawn, who had a cigarette in one hand, and a drink in the other.

"I think so," Dawn didn't check much on her son, he could handle himself. She cared about him, but her life was so screwed up now.

Dawn let Theresa in and she walked into the familiar setting. Sure, this wasn't as nice as her home, and hers wasn't that good,but still.

"Oh yeah, my mom wanted to know if you got to pay all your bills," Theresa asked Dawn before she went to see Ryan.

"Why would she want to know?" Dawn never got the money.

"We gave Ryan 125 dollars to pay your bills," Theresa commented. Why didn't Dawn know? Ryan had to be hiding something.

"Never told me about any money. Ryan, get out here!" Dawn was pissed. She wanted to know where that money was.

"I'll go get him," Theresa made a quick exit, heading to Ryan's room. Dawn was already cursing up a storm, and Theresa was glad to get Ryan.

But why didn't Dawn know about the money? What had Ryan done with the money? Something was up.

_I'm walking pollution who's drained by delusions_

_On the verge of destruction I cave in to abduction. . . _

"Hey Ryan..." Theresa started, as she went to his doorway. She didn't do any farther, staring into Ryan's eyes. He had stopped dead in his tracks. Theresa was appalled at him, holding powder. He had already done it a few times, and he was out of it. But not enough to know what the hell was going on. He was going to be found out. Theresa didn't even want to look at him.It made her sick. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Ryan feebly lied, bags now under his eyes. He had lost weight, and his hand shook. He was a complete and utter mess.

"How long?" Theresa asked. She wondered how long he had been hiding it. Why hadn't she seen it or noticed it? It was so noticeable now, and yet, it never phased her. He wasn't even Ryan anymore.

"I don't know," Ryan was screwed. He should've been more pre-cautious. This was bad. She would tell. Theresa cared about him.

"How long?" She asked, louder. This was what Ryan didn't want to happen. His mom would come in for sure. And everything would be over.

"A few months, I suppose," Ryan answered truthfully for once.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Dawn had walked in, immediately pissed. She saw Ryan, and found her heart breaking. Mike had followed Dawn.

"You're wasting people's money on this shit?" Mike yelled at Ryan. He pushed Theresa and Dawn out of the way.

"What, like you don't?" Ryan lifted his weak body up. He was so sick of Mike. Dawn kept picking the wrong guys, but this one was the worst. Her boyfriends usually just took her money, but they kept getting worse. On a few occasions, Ryan saw Mike hit Dawn, and he had hit Ryan once.

Dawn had been dating Mike for a few months, just a little more than when Ryan started drugs. Mike was where Ryan got the drugs.

"What did you say?" Mike tried to seem like a good guy, he had fooled Dawn, but not Ryan.

"You steal my mom's money all the time, you asshole," Ryan had already developed the hero complex. He had it since he was little.

"You're gonna regret saying that," Ryan had a false sense of reality at that point. He thought he was stronger than he really was. The drugs did that to him. He couldn't see right, and thought he was almost invincible. He wasn't near that.

Mike punched him, and Ryan immediately fell to the ground. His head was pounding, and he tried to get up, and almost succeeded, but Mike punched him again.

Theresa didn't know what to do. She couldn't help Ryan, she was stuck. Dawn felt almost the same way. But she had to stop Mike.

"Mike, stop!" Dawn yelled. "Go in the other room, Mike, now," Dawn didn't dump him, she just didn't want him hitting Ryan. She cared to an extent, but that was it.

Mike left, his fist bloody, as was Ryan's face. He was weak, weaker than he ever was.

"Are you all right?" Dawn asked Ryan, clearly concerned. She knew he was the only hope of their family, and he was throwing it away.

"I'm fine," Ryan answered, wiping the blood away. Dawn and Theresa walked closer. Theresa was scared because of what she just saw.

"No, you're not. You're getting help," The old Dawn Atwood had come back. The one who cared, the one who used to smile with her husband.

"We have no money," The Atwoods weren't as poor as they would become, since Dawn did go to work more than she would, and she earned money. She was smarter back then, she had decided to save money.

"Sure we do. I just got paid. And we got some money in the bank. You're getting help. I'm not giving up on you just yet," And that was when Dawn Atwood's fall began.

_Thin blood I'm bleeding my pulse won't stop racing_

_Just as my heart explodes. . ._

00000000

Summer looked at Nicole for a while, trying to let this sink in. She moved her glare to Ryan, who now looked to the ground. She was just amazed. Ryan Atwood had been weak. That was way too hard to comprehend.

"So do you believe me?" Ryan looked up at her, waiting for the answer.

"I don't know. It's kinda hard to understand," Summer wasn't so sure. She knew Ryan barely ever lied, but he had earlier. He would never lie about something so big as this, but it was so strange to think about Ryan being in here.

"Nicole," Ryan called her. She looked up at him, confused. He motioned for her, saying, "come here," also. Nicole for up and slowly walked over.

"What's up, guys?" Nicole asked, assuming everything was all right now. Summer wasn't dead.

"Was I here, Nicole?" Ryan asked her, trying to prove to Summer that he was.

"What?" Nicole didn't understand the question. She kind of knew what it meant, but she didn't want to say the wrong thing.

"Was I in here? Yes or no. Be truthful," Ryan hated to think back to when he was in here. He hated it. It had to be one of the worst times in his life.

"Yeah," Nicole answered softly, as Summer knew Ryan hadn't been lying.

"Wow, you weren't lying," Summer commented as Nicole looked at her.

"Why would I?" Ryan added, the truth was out and she believed it.

"I don't know. But how did you guys know each other?" Summer knew they didn't group girls and guys together in wards.

Nicole and Ryan looked to each other, remembering.

00000000_No chance that I could win_

_Too hard to not give in_

_Ijust don't feel the same_

_Cause I'm the one to blame_

_Sometimes I can't hold on_

_And no one can help me. . . _

A month had passed. Ryan had been in this place for a whole month. No drugs, no cigarettes. He was going insane.

Talk of reconstruction was going around his ward, but he didn't much care. He sat in the large game room, where the two wards connected, in the corner reading a book. Nurses usually came and sat with him. They tried to get him to engage in activities, but it wasn't working. The only times he did stuff with his other wardmates was when they played cards. He usually won.

All his homework was sent to him, along with the things he didn't do before. Ryan decided to just do the work, since he had nothing better to do. He was a loner here.

No one had come to visit him yet, not even Theresa, but she did send him stuff. She called him a few times, too. Ryan didn't talk much to his wardmates. They tried to talk to him, but it ended up in silence.

Most of his talking was done in John's office, where his life in Chino was evaluated. Ryan never got too deep, he learned long ago not to get too caught up in the past.

Ryan had already known why he did drugs, he didn't need a psychiatrist to tell him. It was his escape form his crappy life. He hoped never to hear that again. Too bad he would.

The nurses entered the game room, saying they had an announcement. It was what everyone wanted to know about. Maybe they'd get send home. Or maybe they had to be stuck here and endure the construction.

"So, you all will be sent to different places based on your last name. Most of you will see your therapist every three days for two weeks unless they say different. Tomorrow this will begin," The nurses announced and some people cheered. Ryan didn't understand why.

Ryan was assigned to go to the local hospital, on the psych ward. It was alphabetical, so he was near first on the list. Wonderful.

He packed his bag, and fell asleep after diner. Everyone was excited except him. He didn't belong here. That was the only thing he was sure of.

Morning came fast, he never got enough sleep. He dressed and grabbed his bag, following his roommate. They were put in groups and sent to vans. His group was the smallest. Ryan didn't say a word, he never did.

A half an hour later, the van reached the hospital, where they were sent to rooms. There were two beds in his room, so he would have a roommate. Great.

Ryan set his bag on the bed closest to the window, then looked out it. He'd be stuck in here for two weeks. They weren't going to be allowed out of their room a whole lot.

"Avery...here we go. This is your room, and there's your roommate," Ryan heard a nurse say at the doorway. He turned to see a girl, about his age, walk in, glaring at him. The nurse left and the girl threw her stuff on the other bed, not losing eye contact with Ryan.

_I need this to be myself_

_It feels like I need some help. . ._

"Hey," She greeted him, opening her bag. He saw clothes and other normal stuff in there.

"Hi," Ryan answered and opened his own bag, taking out his books and homework.

"What's that?" The girl asked him as she watched him place the books on the bed and close his bag.

"Homework," Ryan told her, not caring what she thought.

"You're doing homework? What the hell did you do to get in here?" She joked and pulled out a sock from her bag.

"There's nothing else better to do," He found it odd that he was talking to her. Ryan didn't even know her.

"True that. But you could play cards, or crap like that," She told him, taking a pack of cigarettes out of the sock. "You smoke?"

"Uh..." Ryan started, and the girl threw the cigarettes and a lighter over. "Thanks," He said, pulling a cigarette out and lighting it. He threw the pack and lighter back over.

"No prob," She lit her cigarette, closing the door also. The cigarette was heaven to Ryan. He hadn't smoked in a month. "I'm Nicole," The girl said to him.

"Ryan," He told her and opened the window the crack that they allowed.

They smoked in silence for a bit more, just enjoying the cigarettes. Ryan wished he could be smoking with Theresa at her house.

"So Ryan...what did you do to get into Willow Creek? Drugs? Cutting?" Nicole asked him. Usually guys didn't have eating problems, and Ryan didn't look like he had one.

"Drugs," Ryan was amazed that answered so easily. His old roommate could barely get anything out of him.

"Ah, same here. Is this the first time at an institution?" Nicole didn't care about being polite. It didn't matter.

"Yeah. Have you been in one before?" Ryan supposed she had, since she had asked him.

"Yep. Just once before though. The drugs keep pulling me in. Can't get away. It doesn't help that my friends slip shit in my drink so I get back on them," Nicole answered.

"Oh," Ryan didn't know how to react to her answer.

"So how long have you been in here?" Nicole was bored, so she talked to Ryan. He seemed nice. Quiet, but nice.

"A month," Ryan answered.

"How much left?" That was the more important question.

"Two months," Ryan couldn't believe he still had that much time left. It sucked.

"Better than me. I've got three more months. Only been in here for two weeks, but I'm kind of glad to be in here. I mean, no dealing with family, right?" Nicole figured Ryan had a tough family life. Otherwise, why would he have done drugs?

"Right," She was right. Ryan didn't have to worry about his mom for two more months. But he was constantly worrying about her. Were the bills being paid? Was everything okay?

"I'm so sick of my family. Parents fighting constantly, younger brother with all the attention, dead sister, brother who I haven't seen in four years. How about you?" Nicole shared her family dynamics to Ryan, she wanted to hear his.

"Dad in jail, Mom a drunk with abusive boyfriends, and brother who I barely see lately," Ryan didn't think his family was near as bad as Nicole's.

"Hmm...I don't think that beats mine. Though the dad in jail is pretty sucky," Nicole thought the same way.

She smiled at him and they returned to smoking in silence. Ryan didn't do his homework, what he planned to do. He just stared out the window, blowing another puff of smoke into the room.

Eventually, Nicole got bored again, and pulled out a deck of cards.

"You play?" She asked Ryan, who told her he played a little. "Well, you're gonna have to beat me. I'm pretty good."

Over the next two weeks, they played mostly and Ryan beat Nicole 80 of the time. Playing cards was much more enjoyable than doing work, or anything like that.

At the end of the two weeks, Ryan and Nicole totaled up their winnings.

"So how much do I owe you?" Nicole asked as they packed their bags.

"Um...about fifteen hundred," Ryan thought about it in his head. "Yeh, exactly fifteen hundred."

"You know you're never gonna see that money, right?" Nicole picked up her bag.

"I figured," Ryan picked his up and they walked out of the room.

_It's too late to save myself_

_Or it's just in my head. . ._

00000000

"So? How do you guys know each other?" Summer was sick of repeating herself.

"We shared a room when they did reconstruction on this place," Nicole answered. There was no fascinating story to be told.

"Oh," Summer was glad there was no story to it and no more revelations to uncover. She hoped.

"So you believe me?" Ryan asked her. He was happy he told her, but would he have to tell Marissa and Seth? Could Summer keep the secret? Maybe he should tell them.

"Yeah, and thanks. For telling me. I feel better knowing I'm not the only person in Newport who had to deal with Willow Creek," Summer knew it had to have been hard for Ryan to tell her.

"It's no big deal. Just don't hurt yourself. Vent. It works," Ryan said to her. He barely ever vented, always keeping things inside.

"I'll try. But how is Seth? Marissa just told me and..." Summer wanted to know if he was okay.

"Well, when we left, he was sleeping, but hopefully he's awake when I get back. Which will be late," Ryan commented.

"Why?" Summer didn't understand.

"I yelled at Marissa and she left," Ryan thought back to their argument.

"Oh. Well, you can call a cab. They come here all the time," Summer tried to help.

"I think that's what I'll do. I don't know," Ryan didn't quite want to leave. And he didn't want to call a cab from here. They always asked about the stay you had in Willow Creek, assuming you were crazy.

"It's getting late. Visitation day is almost over," Summer looked over to the clock.

"Yeah. I remember," Ryan and Summer got up. "Bye Nicole. I'll see you around," Ryan looked at her.

"Maybe it won't be three years this time," She joked. "Oh wait, how much do I owe you?" She remembered.

"Um...fifteen hundred dollars," Ryan answered, and Nicole pulled something out of her pocket.

"Here. Two dollars. I have more, but I don't want to give it to you. So there's my payment. You're not gonna get the rest," Nicole told him.

"I didn't even think I'd get this much," Ryan smiled.

"Um, I'll walk you to as far as I can go," Summer said after about a minute. She and Ryan began walking down the hall. It was long, or maybe they just walked slow. But Summer didn't want it to end. Ryan was leaving, and she would have to deal with the loneliness.

They reached the end, and Summer wanted to follow Ryan out. She wanted to be free.

"I guess I'll see you next visitation," Ryan announced.

"Yep. Thanks again. For telling me. It kinda took the suicide thought out of my head. It's nice to know that when I get out, and start to talk about this place, someone will know what I'm talking about," Summer joked.

"March tenth?" Ryan remembered the date.

"Right. I'll keep this all confidential. What you told me. Do Seth and Marissa know?" Summer asked him.

"No. Only Kirsten and Sandy. I think I'll tell Seth sometime soon, but not Marissa," Ryan didn't want either to know just yet.

"So I'm the first one to know," Summer was a little flattered.

"Of my friends. And voluntarily. I never actually 'told' someone. They all kind of found out," Ryan commented.

"Oh. Well, I guess this is our goodbye," Summer didn't want to say goodbye.

"Right. I will see you in two Saturdays. Unless we only send Seth, since you guys need time," Ryan still knew the visitation schedule.

"If he wakes up," Summer said.

"He better. Or no one will be happy," Ryan looked at Summer, not quite ready to go. He'd have to face everything once he left.

"Bye Ryan," Summer felt tears in her eyes as she hugged him one last time. He hugged her back. Newport wasn't the same without her. "I'll miss you."

"Same here," They let go, and she quickly kissed him on the cheek again. After that, she just looked around, tears falling down her face. "Bye," Ryan looked at her, and she finally looked up.

Their eyes locked, and they now shared something important, that not too many people knew about.

Ryan began to walk away.

"Bye," Summer said, and he turned to look at her. She waved goodbye and he did also. And then, he was gone.

Summer felt more lonely than before.

Ryan walked down the stairs and out the building, thinking back to when his three month stay was done. His mother was worse off, having even more abusive boyfriends. Everything had been worse. Ryan just didn't do drugs then. And never saw a therapist again. They barely had any money left. So he had a ton of problems built up inside of him.

Ryan didn't want the interrogation from the cab driver, so he decided to get one from the gas station now far away. He walked down the parking lot and came face to face with Marissa.

**Wow, another chapter done. I finished this pretty soon. Only one day it took me to type it. Oh yeah, the lyrics are "Angels with Dirty Faces" by Sum 41. Please review, and I'll be writing!**


	13. Opening Eyes

**Wow, thank you guys so much for the reviews, I couldn't believe you guys liked my ideas. Now, this will be a short chapter, it has been taking me forever to write it. Lately, I've been writing in _Stranded Memories,_ go check that story out if you haven't already. Anyways, this is kinda short, but I really couldn't keep pulling this out. Um... this is Ryan mostly, well, all of it. Oh well. Sorry. Oh yeah, the title is byHoobastank's "Open Your Eyes".It was going to be something different, but it didn't work with the last chapter title.Oh well.I promise that maybe in two, three chaps, we will finally have Summereth! On to the chap...**

Marissa was staring at him. She couldn't leave him there. It was an hour and a half drive to Newport.

"What are you doing here?" Ryan asked, fresh off of telling Summer about his drug addiction.

"I felt bad about what I said and I waited for you. Is she okay?" Marissa told him.

"She's fine," Ryan began walking past Marissa. She was the person he least wanted to see.

"Will you talk to me?" Marissa did not want to be fighting with Ryan. She was hurt by what he said to her.

"I don't want to talk about it," Ryan was in a good mood, until he saw Marissa.

"Will you at least get in the car so we can go?" Marissa wasn't leaving without Ryan.

"No. I am not getting in a car with you," Ryan continued walking away from her.

"And why not?" Marissa stared at his back, until he finally turned around to see her.

"You're drunk," He had seen the bottles, and smelled the liquor on her breath. He was so disgusted that she was still drinking. It was out of control.

"I am not," Though she was. She hadn't drinken a lot compared to what she usually drank.

"Yes, you are. I can smell it on your breath. I saw all your hidden bottles under the seat. You're a drunk, just like my mom was," Ryan knew those words were harsh, but he was so sick of alcohol ruining the people around him.

"I am not a drunk," Marissa wouldn't believe she had become a full fledged drunk. She wasn't.

"How can you say you're not? You drink whenever no one's looking. It takes away your pain, the reality of your life. You're dependent on it. You can't stay away from it. It's ruining your life and you think it's making it better," Ryan let it all out at her.

What he said used to be him. He got away, why couldn't she? He cared about Marissa, and she was destroying herself. Just like Dawn and just like he had.

Marissa felt tears in her eyes. Was all he said true? She thought about it, and it was. She was a drunk, no doubt about it. But did she have to believe that?

Ryan thought maybe he should apologize to Marissa, but why? What he said was truth.

"If I'm such a drunk, why did you agree to be together?" Marissa was so pissed at Ryan. She didn't want to believe she was a drunk, even if she was.

"I thought you stopped drinking. I hadn't seen you drink since last December," Ryan wished she had been done with alcohol back then. He had flipped out on her back then, and she got help. And met Oliver.

"Did you honestly think I would go back? You were gone, Seth ran away, and I had to live with my mom.. I needed my escape," Maybe Marissa and Ryan weren't meant to be like she thought. They were constantly fighting.

"You didn't need it, you wanted it," Ryan corrected her.

"No. I needed it," Marissa knew it wasn't good to fight with Ryan, but she could take him.

"You don't need alcohol to survive. But I guess that doesn't count for you. What's the longest you've gone without it lately? Two hours?" Ryan yelled at her.

"You know nothing about needing an escape," Marissa told him.

"Sure I do. I needed one, a lot more than you. I had the worst possible life you could imagine. I got hit everyday, with my mom watching and doing nothing from on the couch drunk. Sometimes we had no electricity, no heat, no running water, nothing. I had no hope whatsoever," That was Ryan's life after the institution.

"And now look at you. You have the perfect life," Marissa said to him. She didn't want his sob lifetime movie story.

"Nothing is ever perfect," Marissa couldn't have been more wrong. His life wasn't near perfect.

"Ryan, you live with the richest people in Newport. You have nothing to worry about for the rest of your life," Ryan opened his mouth, but Marissa kept going. "Don't say they're not your family, because they are. They care about you so much. You are the complete rag to riches story." Ryan didn't say a word. He couldn't. "You can forget about your past," Marissa finished.

"Can't really when I'm around you," Ryan quickly shot back at her, but that's all he had. For once, Marissa had gotten him to shut down instead of open up.

"You're quieter when the conversation is about you," Marissa commented, proud of herself. She had turned the whole argument around. Now it focused on Ryan, not Marissa. "Say something, and just don't leave like Summer did."

"You can't blame her, can you? You told her that her boyfriend tried to commit suicide and he's in the hospital, and you don't even try to console her" Ryan was still mad at Marissa for what she did to Summer.

"And what was I supposed to do? She ran away," Marissa hadn't wanted to be in the institution, so she left Summer. She thought Summer would cry and talk to her therapist.

"Yeah, to kill herself," Marissa hadn't expected that. Summer had been trying to kill herself. Again.

"Did someone stop her?" Marissa figured had to have.

"There wasn't anything to stop. That's the hardest place to try to kill yourself," Ryan commented. "After she gave up, I talked to her, which is something you didn't even try to."

"I thought she'd be okay," Marissa said.

"You've known her the longest. I thought you'd be the one talking to her. But you had to be selfish and get out of the place you were almost locked into," Ryan was so mad at Marissa.

"I wasn't selfish. I didn't like being where my past almost was," Marissa tried to explain herself.

"That's being selfish," Ryan accused.

"You would do the same thing," Marissa defended. She did not want to have this conversation with Ryan.

"No, I wouldn't. I'd deal, and help my friend. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go," Ryan turned to leave.

"Where?" Marissa asked him, wondering.

"To see Seth," Ryan told her without looking back.

"How the hell are you going to get there?" Marissa thought Ryan was insane. He really was pissed at her.

"Walk, call a cab, I don't know," Ryan said. He just didn't want to be in that car with Marissa driving.

"Let me at least drive you," Marissa's buzz was slowly going away, she could drive. Ryan finally turned back to her.

"You are drunk," He commented again.

"Then why don't you drive?" Marissa suggested. It was good idea. Marissa would be sage and Ryan wouldn't have to walk.

"Fine," He only did it because he didn't want Marissa to get hurt. He didn't want to be with her, it was too many intense memories.

Marissa handed Ryan the keys as he walked over and she headed to the passenger seat. She wanted to know what went on between him and Summer. She was kind of jealous. Summer got better attention from Ryan than Marissa did. Seth loved Summer, and Ryan cared about her. Marissa had nothing, no one. Everything was fake.

Her need to drink more became not able to resist. Her self esteem was at an all time low. She was a drunk, she might as well defend her crown.

They drove away from Willow Creek as the last bits of the sun died. Ryan had mixed feelings about leaving. It was even strange going in, and now it was stranger leaving.

Ryan pulled onto the highway, and Marissa fingered her half empty bottle. She had to drink, yet she knew she had to stop.

He didn't notice the bottle next to her at first, but as he thought about her drinking, he began to grow uncomfortable. There were so many empty bottles under him. All he thought of then was when he got home from Willow Creek, and sat in his living room. Bottle upon bottle was under the couch.

It was like Chrismukkah lastyear, Marissa took a long sip of alcohol.

"I can't believe you," Ryan commented once he saw her. This was sickening.

"What?" Marissa was mad at Ryan, she didn't care what he thought.

"I'm not doing this," They were a half an hour done with the ride when Ryan pulled over.

"What are you doing?" Marissa slurred to him as he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out.

"I'm not going to be in a car with you drunk. I'm so sick of this shit. If you ever wanted us to _attempt_ being a couple, get rid of it, and learn to deal," He slammed the door and began to walk. He had no clue how he would get home. Ryan supposed he would have to walk all the way. It was much colder up here than in Newport. Every day it would get colder and colder. Soon, he guessed it would go below freezing.

Marissa sat in her seat awestruck. She watched as Ryan walked away and disappeared into darkness.

She knew she blew it. They had actually had a chance of being together. And she screwed it up. She wanted to stop drinking, she just couldn't. It had her hooked.

Ryan check his wallet. Twenty bucks. Definitely not enough for a cab. But he did have enough for a bus ticket. Ryan looked back and saw that Marissa's car was gone. He didn't know if he walked that much or Marissa had bolted like she always did.

He headed up the next exit ramp and looked around for a bus stop. None that he could see. Damn. Ryan kept walking around, seeing a McDonald's and a WalMart. He had no clue where he was. This was turning out to be a horrible idea.

Ryan walked into the McDonald's, he needed help. It was empty for being 5:30, there was practically no one there. He walked up to the cashier.

"Hi, welcome to McDonald's. How may I help you?" The girl asked him.

"I just need to know where the bus station is," Ryan answered. He wanted to get back to the Cohens and sleep. He wanted to be done with the day.

"Well, there is one about two clocks down the road," She answered Ryan after thinking for a few moments. "To your left."

"Thanks," Ryan exited the McDonald's and headed towards the bus station. Cars passed by him, he was surrounded by highways. Ryan wondered if Marissa was speeding home drunk yet.

She wasn't. She was still sitting in her car, waiting for her buzz to go away.

Ryan reached the bus station at the same time Marissa moved to the driver's seat and rushed off. He found the bus schedule and saw that a bus was going sort of close to Newport would be there soon. There were no buses going directly to Newport. He would have to walk a while.

He stood outside for ten minutes. The wind whipped at him. He shivered and soon, the bus rolled in. He paid and found the bus almost empty. Ryan took a seat near the back, knowing he would be on it for a good half an hour, probably a lot more with the stops.

The bus started its' route once again. Ryan barely remembered the last time he rode a bus. It had to have been at least three years ago. Mostly he walked. It was good exercise.

Marissa would've gone after Ryan, but she knew she would only make it worse. She was drunk, that made it worse right away.

Ryan stared off into darkness until the headlights ruined it. This turned out to be stupid. He screwed himself over because of Marissa. He let he get to him. That was what he wanted least.

Ryan checked his watch. 5:45. He had a long way to go.

000000000000000

He pushed the button to the elevator. Ryan finally made it to the hospital. He was exhausted.

With all the stops and that, the bus ride was an hour. Then, he had to walk. That was two and a half hours. There was a 35 minute break in the middle of that.

Ryan figured he should've called Sandy or Kirsten, but they were too worried about Seth. He shouldn't bother them. He just hoped Seth had woken up. Seth wouldn't fall into another coma. It just couldn't happen.

Why did the worst come to anywhere near Ryan? He couldn't remember the last enjoyable day he had. It was too long ago.

An urge to run away had come to Ryan as he walked back to Newport. He almost had. The life he was leading was so incredibly messed up, why shouldn't he just run? It would make everything easier.He could just start a new life, one where he wasn't the catalyst to ruin lives. Third time's the charm, right?

But Ryan didn't run. He felt like the Cohens were his family. Yet he was so different from them. Sometimes he felt so awkward. Ryan had mostly changed, but there were still those small moments where he completely felt out of place.

The elevator doors opened and he stepped out and adapted himself to the new floor. He was so used to the long term area, where there were a lot less people there. Nurses were running all over here, handing out end of the night medication. It had been a long time since Ryan had taken any medication.

Walking into Seth's room, he saw Kirsten and Seth. Seth was sleeping. That wasn't what Ryan hoped to see.

"He hasn't woken up?" Seeing Seth sleeping in the hospital was so much like a month ago. Kirsten had jumped at Ryan's voice.

"Ryan! I thought you were at the house," Kirsten hugged him. She knew Ryan was supposed to be back a lot earlier.

"I just got back," Ryan commented to her as they let go and he pulled another chair close to Seth's bed.

"How come? When did you leave?" Kirsten wanted to hear everything. She had finally calmed down, everything with Seth was insane. She didn't know what to do with Seth. His life was so hectic. She felt helpless to him sometimes.

"Well, we started to leave about four thirty, but I went back in and left again at five fifteenish," Ryan thought about this tiring trek.

"Then you should have been back around seven," Kirsten didn't understand. It was nine.

There was a fight with Marissa. That was twenty minutes. Then we drove for a half an hour. I left and walked to the bus station and waited for another twenty minutes. Bus ride was an hour, then I walked for an hour, took a half hour break, and walked another hour to here," Ryan guesstimated.

"You could've called us," Kirsten pointed out.

"Figured that when I got here," Ryan wanted to sleep so badly. He hadn't had a rest since the morning. Even though he had a full day's rest, he was still tired in the morning.

"How did the visit go?" Kirsten changed the focus.

"It went well. Summer seemed better. And I told her,"Kirsten knew about Ryan's previous stay in Willow Creek. Sandy had told her when they discussed becoming Ryan's legal guardians. It had been hard to deal with, and they talked about it once they knew Seth wasn't hearing.

The only thing Ryan asked from them about it was that they didn't tell Seth. He didn't need to know and everything was going well. Ryan was afraid Seth would spill like he did with Ryan being from Chino.

Ryan's secret was practically forgotten since it never needed to be broughton up. Until now. He had been thinking about it everyday for so long. It was haunting him since that first day Summer was in the hospital, when her father initially wanted to send her away.

"Told her what?" kristen wasn't quite following.

"About Willow Creek...and me," Ryan answered, double checking that Seth was sleeping. He was.

"Oh, wow. Didn't think you were gonna ever tell anybody,"Kirsten understood now.

"I wasn't gonna. Until Marissa told Summer about Seth being in the hospital," Ryan didn't mention the part about Seth's attempted suicide. He still didn't even know if Seth had woken up yet.

"Is Summer okay?" Kirsten grew worried.

"Yeah, she's fine. Her roommate is someone I know and that was a little weird. But other than that, everything was okay," Ryan commented.

"That's good," Kirsten added.

"Yeah...so, has he woken up?" Ryan was really freaked out by Seth. What would happen next with him? Would he get sent away, go to a shrink? Seth was officially unpredictable.

"Yeah, for about two hours," Kirsten looked over at Seth, who seemed to be dreaming. About what, they didn't know.

"Better than last time," At least Seth had already woken up.

"Ryan, I know. About what he did," Kirsten told Ryan flat out.

"Oh," He was hoping Kirsten didn't know because it was way too much to deal with. Especially now.

"What happened?" kristen knew very little about what happened. All Seth said was that he jumped.

"I found him, we talked, and he jumped," Ryan didn't quite want to talk about it. It was fresh in his mind, and the pain was still too real.

"Oh. I told him I wasn't going to tell the doctors if he promised not to do it again. I fought with him and left, and he tried again," kristen felt like such a failure of a mother to Seth.

"Wow," Ryan wasn't expecting to hear that. "Are you going to tell the doctors?" He didn't know what to think with Seth anymore.

"I don't know. I mean, it's the logical choice, but I'm just afraid fo what'll happen then," Kirsten couldn't choose. She hadn't even told Sandy.

"What'd Sandy say?" Ryan asked.

"Haven't told him yet," Kirsten had no clue how Sandy would react to it.

"Maybe Seth should be the one telling him," Ryan commented.

"Don't know how that's going to go over," Kirsten had to admit, that was a good idea, but would Seth agree?

"Well, I'm thinking of telling Seth about..." Ryan had kept a major secret from Seth for such a long time. They both almost died, again. He felt bad for hiding it.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" kristen wondered. She knew Ryan was a little uncomfortable talking about it.

"I was hoping you could answer that," Ryan looked at Kirsten, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know. We're all going through a rough spot now. Maybe you should hold off," Kirsten didn't even think Ryan should have told Summer. What if she told?

"Yeah, I guess so," Ryan commented. He looked over at Seth once again. Seth didn't look quite happy. He looked more so like something bad was happening. Could he hear them?

"I think I'll call Sandy. He's been home for a while," Kirsten got up. "Watch him," She warned and left the room. Ryan sat there in silence. Seth was sleeping. Why did this seem so familiar?

Seth seemed upset, but Ryan didn't understand why. But he did know Seth, rather all of them, hada lot to sort though now. Everything was falling apart.

Ryan got up and began to pace around the room. When he was nervous, he did that. He was so tired, but his mind was still in the movement mood. His eyes were closing as he leaned on the window. His legs were almost giving out.

"Ryan?" Kirsten walked in and Ryan stumbled.

"I'm awake," Ryan answered drowsily.

"Ryan, sit down. You're exhausted, why are you walking around?" Kirsten didn't understand.

"I'm not tired," Ryan walked over to Kirsten, where she made him sit down. They sat there for a few minutes, until finally she spoke.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked, worried about her other son.

"Yeah, just tired," Ryan told her.

"Well, let's go home," Kirsten announced and they said their goodbyes to Seth and left him alone to his dreams.

**Okay, another chapter finished. I have barely anything written for the next chapter, but hey, if you have some ideas, please tell me them! I'm running out! So, review, and I'll be trying to work on the next chapter. If I stop procrastinating.**


	14. Session

**Okay, so I know you haven't seen a lot of Summereth, but I promise um...there should be some soon. I have had major writer's block so bear with me. Thank you guys so much for the ideas, because I really need them and I have decided to change an idea I had, because I think everyone would hate me.** **So please review, I don't think this chapter is depressing at all, but hey, that's me. Keep reviewing, it keeps my spirits up!**

Summer walked into the therapist's waiting room. Bree already sat there, her blonde hair messy. She seemed to have been crying, but that was a normal occurrence at Willow Creek. Summer wanted to ask Bree about it, but she felt it was not her place.

Bree had actually found out that her grandmother died a few days ago, and death was always an immediate send to therapy. Bree had been close to her grandmother, before everything happened. Bree began not eating, and if she did, it was thrown up. The disorder went on for a year and a half before anyone really noticed. Not many people cared about Bree, they had used her. They thought she would always be there, to be the backbone of her deteriorating family. They lost it when they found out about the disorder, sending Bree to Willow Creek her family hadn't visited her sine when her trial. Four and a half months ago. Only her grandmother came. And now she was gone.

"Hi," Summer greeted Bree as she sat down.

"Hi," Bree put on a happy face for Summer. No one really knew Summer very well, only Nicole. Nicole was the loudest and the worst to keep things secret of all of them, but Nicole never budged about Summer. So far. "It's probably gonna be a little bit more. One of the older patients lit something on fire. All the therapists had to go. It's a mess down there."

"Oh," Summer commented, looking around for something to do.

"So, you live in Orange County?" Bree was trying to cover up her pain.

"Yeah, right by the beach," Summer was careful not to say, 'Newport.' She didn't want anyone to know that she went to Harbor. It brought up too many memories.

"I used to live there, but we moved away. I used to go to Harbor and live near this girl, Gabrielle Palenicki. Ever hear of her?" Bree asked.

"I think so," The name did sound familiar. Marissa had been lab partners with the girl.

"Oh, she was in that Harbor shooting. Died instantly, along with...um, I think 19 others," Bree commented.

"22. 23 people were killed, 54 injured," Summer didn't like talking about the shooting.

"Oh. Whoops," Bree looked at Summer, trying to figure out why she was in there. Anorexia? Suicide? Maybe both. But it wasn't nice to analyze the other patients. They all had problems.

The therapists walked in, looking exhausted. Both Summer and Bree stood up and walked into the rooms. Kelly was shuffling through papers as Summer sat down. She was ready to talk about her messed up family.

"Now," Kelly started as she sat down in her chair. "I thought we could discuss something new. How does that sound?"

"Fine," Summer answered. What did Kelly want to talk about? She had just gotten used to talking about her family. She had a bit more complaints about her mom.

"So, I think we have a good understanding of your family dynamics. So let's talk about friends, school, activities," This was exactly what Summer was fearing. "Do you do a lot of activities?"

"Some," Summer mostly did what Marissa did, only less.

"Do you like school?" She didn't know how to answer. She hated it, but she couldn't say that. Then they would dwell on school, and that was a no-no.

"It's okay," She answered. Hopefully Kelly wouldn't keep asking questions.

"How do you do in school? Do you know any of your grades this quarter?" Kelly wasn't going to stop.

"No," Summer didn't look at Kelly. She stared at everything else. The carpet, the paintings, windows. The carpet was an interesting design. It was so involved. It had twists and turns, and a mind of its' own. Summer was so into it that she had lost attention with Kelly.

"Summer," Kelly announced louder this time. Summer fell back into reality and looked up into her therapist's eyes. "Now, when was the last full day you went to school?" A lot of troubled teens sometimes skipped school for long periods of time.

Summer had to think about this. When was the last time she had a full day of school? That was a long time ago.

"Halloweenish, I guess," Summer answered. Kelly guessed it was that long.

"Why?" Kelly asked. She wanted to know if Summer went to Harbor.

"I don't know," Summer knew she just didn't want to tell Kelly.

"I think you do," Kelly told her.

"No, I don't," Summer argued. She wasn't going to tell.

"What kind of school did you go to?" Kelly kept interrogating.

"Private," They were getting closer. Were there any other private schools in Orange County? Pacific, Oliver had gone there. There was a 50 chance she went to Harbor. Summer wanted this conversation to stop.

"Harbor, correct?" Kelly was sure. It was so sad. Everything made sense. Summer was in the shooting.

"What?" Summer's eyes widened as she stared into her therapist's.

"You went to Harbor, Summer, didn't you?" Kelly was going to get somewhere today. Somewhere deep.

"Why would you say that?" Summer didn't want to talk about this.

"Summer, your attorney, Mr. Cohen, had mentioned that you live in Newport," Kelly proved her point.

"Oh," There went that. She was screwed, and would have to speak.

"Were you in the shooting?" Kelly asked Summer. She didn't answer at first. "Summer?" Kelly asked again. Summer nodded.

Kelly had to think of how to take this. This had to be hard to deal with.

"Were you hurt?" Kelly didn't know how to work with this. She only knew how to get to it. Not anything after that.

"No," Summer spoke, looking down at her hands. She could remember everything so clearly. It had only been two and a half months ago.

"Um...were you close to anyone hurt?" Kelly was frightened to ask questions. She never dealt with someone in a school shooting. It was a new experience.

Summer's thoughts went to Seth. She hadn't been close to Seth when it happened. In fact, she hadn't spoken a word to him since she had slammed the door in his face.

But Summer didn't want to mention Seth to Kelly. They would get in deep with him and she did not want to talk about Seth, especially now.

Kelly knew something was up. Summer went though more than she predicted.

"Summer?" Kelly asked again. Summer didn't want to answer. She refused to. Talking about Seth hurt. "If you don't cooperate, we can never get anywhere and you'll have to stay here longer," This usually got patients to open up.

"I knew someone," Summer consented. She wanted to get out of here.

"Are they okay?" Kelly was concerned. It was such a scary thing to go through.

"I'm not sure," Seth was fine from the shooting, but everything else made Summer unsure.

"Who was it?" Kelly didn't quite expect an answer. She wasn't going to go real deep into it. Yet.

Summer didn't know if she should answer. If she didn't tell them about Seth, she might be in here longer. Seth was a huge part of her life.

"My boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend then," Summer softly answered. She had almost been in here a full week. Only seven more to go.

"So he's alive?" Kelly had to make sure. This was turning out more difficult to talk about than guessed.

"Yeah," Summer replied after a moment's pause.

"How did you react when you first learned he was hurt?" Memories were coming back to Summer, more than she wanted. Students running in terror, all the screaming, the person dying at the table next to hers in the library.

It seemed forever ago, but it wasn't. Maybe it was because of Summer not going back to school, but it felt like years ago.

"I was sad. But I knew he'd be okay. Everyone thought that. Initially," Summer said ever so lightly, barely audible. She tried her hardest not to let tears fall. She knew they would soon.

"What do you mean 'initially'?" Kelly kept going with this. Whenever Summer wanted to stop, she would.

"He fell in a coma two days later," Summer went back to when Marissa told her. The yearbook, the first one, floated into her head. She was weakening.

Kelly grew silent. Now where could she go? Push on, or leave it at that?

"How did you react to that?" Kelly asked. She now had to be careful what she asked. This was where the root of Summer's problems came form. Kelly didn't know that, she just knew this had to be a touchy subject.

"I stayed in my room for two days and threw a yearbook out my window," Summer wouldn't look up at Kelly. If she did, the tears _would_ fall. She had to concentrate on the carpet more.

"Did you visit...um..." Kelly wanted to know the guy's name. She hated just identifying him by 'him' or 'he'.

Summer didn't want to give away Seth's name. But she supposed she would have to.

"Seth. I visited Seth only once," Summer did visit him twice, but the first time he wasn't in the coma. She remembered crying and agreeing to go to that carnival.

"Why's that? Did he wake up soon?" This was one of the most interesting stories Kelly ever worked with. There were so many levels to it.

"No," Summer didn't want to go much farther. She wanted to stop and run out.

"How long was Seth in the coma?" Kelly looked at the top of Summer's head. She had yet to look up.

"I think he said 49 days," And Summer was in her room for about 50.

"Wow, that's a pretty long time. What did you do during that time?" Kelly kept going.

Summer didn't know what to tell Kelly. How could she say "I didn't leave my room for 50 days and tried to kill myself numerous times," and make it sound sane? She couldn't. It was impossible.

"Stuff," Summer answered, hoping not to be asked more. She really didn't want this to go on.

"As in?" Kelly wasn't going to stop. She was really getting somewhere.

"Staying in my room," She was going to give the smallest bit of information. That way, telling everything would be put off.

"How long did you stay in your room?" Kelly thought maybe a few days, but nothing near how long she really had stayed in the room. Summer wasn't going to tell. They were getting too deep.

Summer could clearly remember sinking into the water and waiting to die. Counting the seconds off of her life. Tick tock, tick tock. There had been only seconds left in her life. But Seth would come into her head and it would rise above the water.

She remembered spinning, staring at Ryan and Marissa flirting, while she got sick with herself and grew suicidal. Going on the Ferris wheel where her friends laughed and she tried not to break down. Walking behind the couple through the fun house, inching near losing it.

Summer remembered tagging behind them so bad and losing herself in the mirrors. She was never the same after that. It showed the truth of her, and how she didn't deserve to be here. She hit the mirror, and another, and kept going until she was too tired.

She looked down at her palms. The scars were deeper than they should've been. She let the skin grow over them and it was a lot harder to get them out. She'd get to remember that night forever.

You could see every one of her scars perfectly. All the lines, the slices of her pain.

"Summer?" Kelly was getting annoyed having to repeat herself all the time.

"I lost count," Summer lied. She knew exactly how long she was in that room. 50 days.

"When did you lose count?" Kelly wanted to know.

"I don't remember," All the images from the last three months were coming back to her. She yearned to be in Seth's arms. Summer missed him more than she ever had before.

"Summer, if you fail to cooperate..." Kelly was getting pissed.

"I know!" Summer yelled at Kelly, a fury running through her. She stared at Kelly intensely for a moment before breaking down into sobs.

Summer couldn't take this. It was hurting too much. She didn't want to think about the time Seth was gone. She wanted to be with him, now.

Summer brought her knees to her chest and backed away from Kelly. Every bad moment was running through her head. This was too much. She wanted to run, leave this stupid institution. She couldn't even make it a week in here without wanting to leave.

Kelly sat there, looking at what she had done. She shouldn't have pushed this much.

"Summer, you need to calm down. It will be alright," Kelly brought her chair closer to the couch. She touched Summer's hand and saw scars on the back of it. She was confused, but let it go for the time being. Kelly would make a note of it though.

"I want to go home," Summer cried. She wanted to run so badly. Thinking about the shooting was killing her.

"I know you do, but you can't. You're here for two months," Kelly informed Summer of what she already knew.

"I miss Seth so much. It wasn't fair," Summer commented to herself.

"What wasn't fair?" Kelly grew confused.

"It wasn't fair that he got shot. He didn't deserve to go in that coma. He shouldn't have jumped," Summer answered. She wasn't paying attention that she was telling all this to Kelly. That was not supposed to happen.

"Jumped what?" Kelly asked. Summer knew she should've let that part of the comment out. Kelly already knew too much about Seth.

"What?" Summer looked up, her tears slowing.

"You said, 'he shouldn't have jumped.' jumped what?" Kelly reiterated.

"Nothing," Summer regretted saying what she did. She knew barely anything about what happened with Seth jumping. Kelly didn't need to know anything.

"Jumped what, Summer?" Didn't Kelly learn? Summer didn't want to tell. Couldn't she see that? Couldn't she let go of it, at least for today?

"Nothing," Summer said again. Now she wanted to leave more, if that was possible.

"Answer me Summer. Jumped what?" Kelly kept going.

"Nothing!" Summer began crying again, she couldn't wait until this session was over. Wasn't it near time yet?

Kelly didn't ask again, she let Summer cry. Words were not going to help her at the moment.

"Can I go?" Summer looked up at Kelly, and waited as she checked her watch.

"I suppose," Kelly gave in and Summer got up. "You did well today, Summer."

Summer turned and left the room and walked alone back to the ward, calming down.

Tons of thoughts were running through her head. Seth mostly. She wanted to see him so badly, to hear his voice, to just be with him. If she ever was to run, she'd run to him.

Summer wondered how exactly she had landed herself in Willow Creek. Was it the suicide? The break down in the school? The 50 day stay in her room? Seth? Maybe it was a combination of them all. It had to be.

She began to think of the good times between the four of them. There were some fun ones that didn't end in misery. She'd give anything to have one of those.

Walking into the ward, her eyes looked to the left rather than to the front. There was a tiny living room type area, but it gathered dust. And in between that and the nurses' station, were three phone booths.

Summer headed into the first one and sat down. Was she allowed to make phone calls? She had no clue. No one ever told her. She picked up the receiver.

"Excuse me," Summer said, finding herself to have stopped crying.

"Yes?" A nurse had picked up the other line.

"Am I allowed to make phone calls?" She asked, probably sounding stupid.

"Who is this?" The nurse inquired.

"Summer Roberts."

"One second, let me check," Summer sat in the phone booth for what seemed like forever. "There are only certain phone numbers you can call."

"Is the Cohen residence one of those?" Summer asked.

"What number is that?" She told the nurse the Cohens' number and waited for the nurse to check. "That's an accepted phone number. Hold on," Soon enough, Summer heard a ringing tone.

Seth had finally made it back home. He didn't leave his room, Kirsten and Sandy were talking about him. Deciding what to do with him.

It was making him sick. He had no say in it, which sucked. Plus, he had to go to school tomorrow, and he hadn't been there since Wednesday.

A hell of a lot happened since Wednesday. Way too much. He jumped off the pier, and nearly killed himself and Ryan. Did that make Seth feel even worse? Yes. Was he going to try to hurt himself again? Hopefully not.

"Seth looked at his wrist, which was wrapped up. He felt bad for what he did, and he wanted to get help. But that would include telling a stranger all about his suicidal thoughts.

Yeah, that would work out perfect.

Seth got up and looked down at his waste basket. All the pictures were still there. It was disgusting. The yearbook was hidden somewhere Seth had already forgotten. His head was not working well since he woke up this morning.

It had given him one hell of a dream last night. Nightmare to be specific. He didn't remember much of it now, but it had scared him. Seth had woken up in the middle of the night, afraid to sleep. His eyes refused to close for about two hours and during that time, he went a little crazy.

Too much was happening in Newport. That was Kirsten's main point for the argument. At least that was it from what Seth could hear. She had said it at least six times in the last hour. Yeah, he was counting. Kirsten and Sandy were arguing while doing chores and such, so the argument was on the move.

Seth can't leave now. That was Sandy's main point. Seth agreed more with that one than his mother's. were they actually thinking of sending Seth away? At first, Seth thought they were going to send him to Willow Creek, but that was wrong. Really, his parents were debating on sending him to live with a relative.

Seth's only relatives lived in either Newport or New York.

There was no way Seth was going to New York. Even if they tried to, Seth was almost eighteen. He would be an adult.

Yeah, that also scared him a little bit. He'd have to go to college soon. Had he even applied to any schools? He couldn't remember. Damn brain. He didn't have amnesia, but it sometimes felt like he did. I mean, losing a month and a half of your life is just like forgetting a month and a half.

It annoyed him, knowing that he had lost a full seven weeks of his life. He wouldn't know what happened during that time. No one wanted to tell Seth exactly what happened.

Seth's eyes went to the photo of him and Summer that he put back on the dresser from his bed. They were smiling and it made him want to see her.

It occurred to him that he was like a stranger in his own room. He wasn't the same Seth that lived here. If only he could go back to being that Seth. The Seth that lived here was fun and had a sense of humor. Seth lost his sense of humor.

Seth's phone rang. He turned to look at it, debating whether to pick it up. He could let his parents pick it up. What if it was his aunt telling them she was ready to take him? No, he would have to change that.

It rang a second time. Go pick it up, Seth told himself. Why the hell wasn't he picking it up?

A third ring. Summer was losing hope. Maybe he wasn't home. The answering machine would pick it up soon.

Seth gave in and walked over, hitting the talk button as he grabbed it.

"Hello?" He said, expecting someone who wasn't Summer.

"Hey Seth."

**So...what do you guys think? Lame, I know. I'm pretty sure everything I mentioned will have to do with something coming up. Oh, and thank you sooo much for the ideas. You helped a lot. And, keep them coming! I mean, I put down all my ideas, and now I have a lot. But I might need some more. So please review and tell me your ideas and thoughts!**


	15. Apologies

**So...wow. This took me forever to write, and I don't know why. Um.. Maybe because I have ideas, but I have no idea where to go with them. This chapter is a quite non-depressing chapter, one I'm proud of. Now, you might be disappointed with a couple at a point, but then I make it all better. LOL. So...onto the writing.**

Seth didn't say a word. He couldn't. Was it really Summer on the other line? Even though it was only a week since he last saw her, it felt like a year.

"Seth?" Summer asked, confused by the silence.

"Summer? Is that you?" Seth answered, dumbfounded. He really couldn't believe it.

"Yeah," Summer was so happy to hear Seth's voice. She missed him so much. She didn't know how she would make it through the next seven weeks.

"Oh my gosh. I can't believe this. Why are you calling?" Seth was so happy to know Summer was okay. He hadn't talked to Ryan all day, so he didn't really know what happened at all. Ryan hadn't left the pool house all day.

"Just to talk. You know, cause I miss you," Summer answered.

"I miss you too. I'm sorry I couldn't make it yesterday. I got grounded..." Seth began to make up excuses.

"I know Seth," Summer knew this conversation would be difficult.

"Oh, so Marissa and Ryan told you I was grounded?" Seth avoided the real topic.

"No, Seth. I know about what you did," Summer was still amazed at what Seth did.

"Oh," Seth couldn't understand it. She knew about what he did. He wanted to keep it away from her. She hadn't needed to know. And why had Marissa and Ryan told? It was about him, not them.

"What happened?" It still hurt to think about what Seth did.

"Um..." Seth couldn't explain himself. "I missed you," It was the only reason Seth could think of that wasn't horrible.

"You jumped because of me?" Summer felt sick. It was her who made Seth jump.

"No, Summer...I..." Seth started, but he was stuck. He had jumped because of her.

"Don't. It's a payback of sorts. I tried to kill myself, so..." Summer said. She was still getting used to hearing Seth's voice.

"Right," Seth had wanted to talk to Summer so badly the last week, but now that he heard her, he sort of wanted to run. He felt bad telling her about his jump.

"Anyways, how's the rest of your life going?" Summer quickly changed the subject, noting the awkwardness.

"I wouldn't know. I haven't been home since Thursday. Just got discharged," Seth answered and laid back on his bed.

"Cool," Summer said. The awkwardness was still there. They were a couple, so why was it awkward?

"So how's Willow Creek going?" Seth looked at the picture of them in happier times.

"Good. Better now that I got to see Ryan and Marissa. Even though Marissa told me about..." Summer wanted to walk around while she talked, which she usually did, but couldn't.

"I didn't even know Marissa had been there when I... But anyways, what else happened?" Captain Oats stared at Seth, with knowing eyes. Seth turned away.

"Well, I kinda freaked, but it's cool. Ryan helped me out," Summer told Seth.

"How?" Seth was intrigued. He hadn't talked to Ryan yet. He still felt horrible about the pier incident.

"Oh, he told me about..." Summer was about to spill Ryan's secret. But she remembered that Ryan didn't want Seth to know. "Some funny stiff about Chino. You know, to cheer me up."

"Right," Seth could sense something was up by Summer's tone.

"Yeah," Summer agreed and she felt a silence come over them. She had wanted to talk to Seth so badly, and now that she was talking to him, she had nothing to say.

Summer felt so different now. They both had changed, their old lives were gone. Even the ones they had after the shooting were being replaced. They had become two very different people that had nothing to talk about.

They both wanted to talk, but there was nothing between them. No common ground anymore.

"So..." Seth said after a few moments.

"Yeah?" Summer hoped he had something good to say.

"Um..." He didn't.

"I should go. I have stuff to do," Summer didn't really want to hang up.

"Yeah, me too," He didn't either.

"So, I'll talk to you sometime. And see you next visitation day," Summer had nowhere to go.

"Right. Bye," Seth answered.

"Bye."

"Love you," Seth quickly added.

"Love you too," Summer wondered if she really did mean that.

Seth stared at the phone. Stupid. Why had he let her hang up?

He threw the phone at the wall. It made a loud crack and he watched as it broke apart. Shit. Seth could see the large dent in the wall from it.

His parents stopped fighting. They heard it. Kirsten got worried. What had Seth done now?

She and Sandy climbed the stairs. She knocked on Seth's door, fearing the worst.

"Seth? Are you all right?" Kirsten barely got out. She told Sandy everything, so he was just as worried.

"Fine, just dropped a few things," Seth quickly lied. He hated lying to his parents. Hadn't he done enough to them?

"Are you sure?" Sandy now spoke, his voice louder than Kirsten's.

"Yeah," Seth didn't get up to pick up the broken phone.

"Okay," Kirsten and Sandy slowly walked away from their son's door.

Seth was so confused. The call from Summer made it worse. They had nothing to say to each other. Why? They were in love, right? And they hadn't seen each other in a week.

That was the problem. It had only been a week. But a lot happened in that week. He nearly killed Ryan and Marissa. They both could've seriously been hurt. Plus, he almost died twice.

He felt bad for attempting, but his life was so screwed up now. He felt helpless, no one could keep him sane. He was going crazy, voices were plaguing his head. And outside his head was worse. He felt as though everyone was hiding this huge secret from him.

He laid on his bed and closed his eyes. Seth thought back to when he was like fourteen, most likely thirteen. He remembered hating Newport, wanting to die. Marissa was in the front of the geometry class, he was in the back. Summer wasn't there. That's why he did it then.

They were doing constructions and he was bored with drawing circles that he drew because of the same boredom. He stared around his class. Not a single one of these people liked him. Mitch was in that class. Seth had once been approached by Mitch, asked if he wanted to hang out, because they both hated the water polo team. Seth claimed he had to help his sick grandmother, Mitch scared him.

Today, the new point for his compass was his wrist.

Seth pulled the compass along his arm, surprised by the pressure he had applied to it. The skin tore apart and blood filled its' void. The blood ran from its' line, and a drop fell onto his shirt. Shit.

Blood stained. Someone would definitely notice it. Crap.

Seth quickly shot his head up to see if anyone was looking. He was in the hall. People were running. Then it hit him. The shooting. How had he landed himself here?

Seth walked around slowly. This was where his life got ripped away. He was never the same after this.

He seemed to be on the second floor, he walked to where he fell. No one was there. That was strange. Seth headed down the stairs and out the door. He hadn't made it this far in real life.

As he opened the school doors, he saw himself. Alive, and not bloody. He was being hugged by his mother. This was turning into a good dream. Wait, where was Summer?

Shit. Seth looked back into the school. He ran to the library.

And there she was. Lying there. Bloody and dead. Like she always was in this dream. Seth went to walk to her.

Then he woke up.

His eyes shot open. Where was he? Right, his room. Seth looked at his clock. It was only eight o'clock. Hopefully no one called the Cohens. He ran down the stairs and grabbed another phone, racing back up the stairs.

Seth pressed 69.

The phone rang in the phone booth. The girls stopped talking to hear the phone. Mika got up and ran to the phone before the nurses could hear it ringing.

"Hello?" Mika, with her fading out orange hair, answered. She had been to Willow Creek three times, but in this ward, she was the second newest. Her and Nicole had been in the same ward every time. Nikki had Mika beaten by two visits.

Mika was always known as the craziest, maybe the disease did that. She was bipolar, but of course the speed fix worsened that. Her and Nicole were the one ones known to escape for longer than two weeks.

"Is this Willow Creek?" Seth asked, noticing the unfamiliar voice.

"What's it to you?" Mika sat down, and got comfortable. Her family barely ever visited, she liked to hear outside voices.

"Do you now Summer?" Seth really badly needed to talk to his girlfriend.

"Yeah, the season. What about it?" Mika was the outcast of her perfectly designed family. Father in the funeral home business, stay at home mom, ivy league siblings. She thrived on her strangeness.

"No, the person," Seth worried this would be the wrong extension or something.

"Oh, the patient. How do you know her?" Mika was in the mood for a good story.

"I'm her boyfriend," Seth didn't want to admit that, but if it would get him closer to talking to Summer, yeah, he would.

"Then why weren't you at visitation?" Mika noticed everything.

"I was busy," He lied.

"How much longer do you think you'll stay with her?" Mika now asked. This was an obvious question, since guys never dated 'crazy' girls long.

"I'm with her through this fully," Seth answered.

"Suuuuuure," Mika doubted it.

"I am," Seth argued.

"Just don't break her heart. She's so full of hope. Ah, those were the days, right?" Mika continued their conversation.

"Whatever. Can I please speak to Summer?" Seth was getting impatient, and Mika was enjoying it.

"Fine, hold on," Mika reluctantly got up and walked back to the girls. "Sum, phone for you."

"Who is it?" Summer was confused. Who knew that phone number?

"Oh, your drug dealer," Mika answered as Summer walked past. She stopped dead in her tracks as all the girls began to crack up. "I'm kidding. All the nurses know that. See? They're not even looking," Mika had lied so many times, the nurses gave up. The only time they believed it was when the other patient either ran there or whispered 'Shut up!'

The nurses could hear everything. They checked the caller id from the phone. They knew who it was.

Summer continued walking as Mika took a seat in on of the swivel chairs the nurses had. They gave the patients the old ones. Mika rolled all the way to the couch.

"Hello?" Summer picked up the phone warily. The whole ward was watching, they loved this stuff. Slowly, they would get closer.

"Summer, thank god it's you. I was getting worried. Listen, I'm sorry about hanging up because I didn't want to and it kinda seemed like you didn't want to, but I'm really, really sorry about jumping and I don't know why I did it, I guess I was just afraid of being without you, which is stupid because we weren't together all summer, but I guess I felt hopeless and kinda like everyone wanted to kill me because they did and that's why I crossed out all the faces and then jumped and then went in the hospital, and, and my mom gave up on me, and I tried to kill myself again, but I, I called my mom back in, and then I didn't go through with it and, and, I'm sorry," Seth said this all very quickly, barely comprehensible.

"Seth?" Summer tried to keep up with everything, but it was way too difficult.

"Yeah," Seth needed a drink of water after pouring his heart out.

"How did you get this number?" Summer was so confused. She was trying to remember all of Seth's ramble.

"Star-69,"Seth answered, feeling a little less tormented.

"Oh," Summer was glad Seth called again. Before, they barely talked about anything.

"Listen, I'm sorry..." Seth started his rambles again.

"Stop apologizing. It's not all your fault," Summer felt a bit stronger now that she had let some of her emotions out in Kelly's office and reflected on it.

"Then why does it feel like it?" Seth simply asked her.

"I don't know, but everything isn't you fault. I mean, I also hung up. I'm sorry for that," Summer tried to make Seth feel better.

"That's just one thing. I mean, I tried to kill myself twice and I feel horrible about it," Seth told her.

"Twice," She now had to wrap her head around that.

"The second one wasn't because of you. Okay, so you were a tiny part of it. But it was mostly about my mom. She told me to," Seth worded that wrong.

"She told you to kill yourself?" Summer was horrified.

"She told me she wasn't gonna stop me. And she was the last person I expected to do that. So I gave up," Seth looked at the dent he had made from the other phone.

"Wow," Summer relaxed in the phone booth a bit. Her wardmates came closer, Mika and Nicole in the swivel chairs.

"But I didn't go through with it. I called my mom back in," Seth tried to make it sound better.

"Well, that's good," Summer felt a little awkward talking about Seth's attempted suicides.

"Except my mom wants to send me to New York," Seth announced sadly.

"New York?" Summer was momentarily stunned. Seth couldn't go to New York. She would let him.

"Yeah. Though I doubt I will. My dad doesn't think I should go. But they do want to send me to go to a therapist or a shrink," Seth thought it sounded strange hearing that.

"Probably for the best," Summer commented.

"Yeah," Once again, they felt a silence come near them. Neither wanted it. But they didn't know how to stop it. "Maybe I should go..." Seth started.

"No, don't. We did that last time and we regretted it. Stay on," Summer persuaded.

"But we have nothing to talk about," Seth commented.

"Yeah, but stay on. Please, I don't want you to go. We can just talk. About stupid stuff," Summer really wanted to keep talking to Seth. But more than that, she wanted to see him.

"Like?" Seth looked around his room, and his eyes fell on the destroyed phone. He'd have to pay for that.

"Um...I don't know," Summer laughed. Her wardmates inched closer in their group, hoping to hear something gossip worthy. Alicia stepped on Lauren, who was in front.

"Ow!" Lauren yelped and everyone 'sshh'ed her. Summer poked her head out of the phone booth to see the girls.

"Hi Summer," Evan waved, and Summer gave them a weird look and went back in the phone booth.

"What was that?" Seth asked, out of the loop as the girls cracked up again.

"Nothing. Just the other girls in my ward. They were listening in," Summer told him.

"Good to know," Seth got up and began to pick up the phone pieces. The batteries had fallen out and it was slightly cracked. The battery cover was in two pieces. He could fix it.

"Yeah. They're really neat. Different, but neat. You know, the one girl lived in Orange County," Summer was careful not to say Newport.

"Neat," Seth grabbed a roll of duct tape, which was red, and sat back down with the damaged phone.

"She knew a girl, Gabrielle Palenicki. You know her?" Seth froze. His mind went back to when he crossed out those faces. He crossed Gabby out.

"She died," He told her with slight uncomfortableness.

"I know. But do you know who she was?" Summer heard of her, but still didn't know her.

"Yeah, she was in my chemistry class. She was Marissa's lab partner," Seth answered as he pulled off a strip of tape.

"I knew it sounded familiar. I remember Coop talking about how smart she was," Summer felt almost like she was her old self again. The one that died in the mirrors.

"Yeah, she was really smart. Who's the person who knows her? Maybe she went to our school," Seth told her as he placed a piece of tape on the phone.

"Well, her name's Bree, but that's all I know," Summer said it ever so lightly so that Bree would hear her.

"Oh. That's cool though. You know people who know people we know. Anyone else?" Seth took another strip of tape to connect the two battery cover pieces together.

"Um..." Summer thought. She couldn't talk about Nikki and Ryan, but she could talk about Nikki and Oliver. "My roommate used to go to school with Oliver a few years back," She told Seth.

"Oliver? Wow, haven't thought about him in a while. That had been an interesting time for everyone, huh?" Seth joked.

"Yeah, it was interesting," Summer thought back to that relatively normal time. When all that mattered to her was how she could ruin Seth and Anna's life. And she succeeded. Look at them now.

"So what else is happening over there?" Seth pushed on with the conversation, like Mika had.

"Nothing really," Summer knew the talk was gonna end soon.

"Should I go?" Seth asked.

"I suppose," Summer answered.

"I'll call you when I can. Though it'll be hard, since I don't have the number," Seth had used 69.

"I'll call," Summer offered.

"Good. So, I'll talk to you soon. I love you," Seth sat back down on his bed after he had run down the stairs to put the duct taped phone back in its' carrier.

"Love you too," Summer knew this time she meant it.

"Bye," Seth said his last word.

"Bye."

And they hung up.

Seth fell back onto his bed, letting everything sink in. He felt better. All his emotions were out, it was a weird feeling now.

Summer didn't leave the phone booth at first. She wasn't up for talking to her wardmates right away. She just sat there, thinking about Seth.

He saw Captain Oats, and noticed the horse wasn't looking mad at him. So Seth picked up his best friend of too many years, staring into the black eyes.

A lot had changed since Seth left the horse alone for two weeks. The longest two weeks of his life. But for anyone close to him, the month and a half was the longest. Though Summer's would be the next two months.

"I guess it's just us for a bit more," Seth told the horse.

**So? What do you think? I thought that was very non-drama, sort of funny, awwwwwness. I could endthe whole storyhere, but I don't feel like it. Tell me your thoughts and I finally have some of the next chapter written. Sorry for such a long wait! Please review!**


	16. Child's Play

**Okay, wow, thank you so much for the reviews. Now, I finally have the next chapters all planned out. I wrote majorly over the last few days. I mean, I have two chapters done and ready. I'm planning about 21, 22 chapters. I think that's enough. And I'm kind of doubting on having a sequel to this, because I have nowhere to go with it. But hey, if you think I should, I will. You just might have to give me more ideas. Okay, here's the new chapter!**

"Well, who should go up?" Sandy asked Kirsten. They had to talk to Seth, but neither really wanted to. Seth would be nervous, definitely with their decision.

"Not me," Kirsten said immediately.

"Well, I don't want to," They both knew Seth had a tendency to run when things got bad.

"How about both of us?" Kirsten suggested.

"No one to stop him when he tries to run," Sandy got rid of that idea.

"So..." Kirsten still didn't know.

"Rock paper scissors?" Sandy tried.

"Sure," Kirsten gave in. They each put one of their hands into a knuckle, playing the game. "Rock..."

"Paper..." Sandy looked up at Kirsten.

"Scissors..." She stared at him. Talking to their son had becoma a choice of chilod's play.

"Shoot."

Both looked down at their hands. Kirsten held a strong rock, Sandy a flimsy peice of paper. They had both chosen what they thought the other would choose.

"Damn," Sandy put his piece of paper over and he sighed. "Can't we both go up there?"

"He's gonna listen to you easier," Sandy commented.

"How so?" kristen didn't believe her husband.

"You were with him at his weakest," Sandy told her. He had been shocked when Kirsten told him what Seth had done. It was the thing that made him feel like a bad parent. Sandy knew he had to talk to his son, but Kirsten needed to more.

"Exactly. He doesn't want to talk to me now. You should," kristen knew she wouldn't get out of this.

"Just go talk to him. I'll be outside the room waiting for you," Sandy assured his wife.

"Don't. I'll be fine. Go check on Ryan. Make sure he's okay," Kirsten looked out from the living room to the pool house, where the shades were drawn.

"Okay. Good luck," Sandy let go of Kirsten's hand.

"Thanks," Kirsten walked out of the room and into the kitchen. She noticed something that wasn't right. "Did you do something to the phone?"

"No. Why?" Sandy went into the kitchen to see what Kirsten meant.

"It has duct tape on it," She held up the phone, with its' red back to Sandy.

"How'd that happen?" He walked closer to inspect the phone.

"I think it has to do with what we heard earlier," Kirsten commented.

"I never thought Seth to be the phone destroying type to me. Ryan always seemed that," Sandy took the phone from Kirsten.

"I thought that too, but there's always a first time for everything I suppose. I'll have to talk to him about that too," Kirsten really did not want to have this conversation with Seth.

"Yep. Hate to miss it," He added sarcastically.

"Don't. Why don't you have it instead?" She looked eagerly at her husband.

"Kirsten..." Sandy started.

"I know. But when are you gonna talk to him?" Kirsten kept procrastinating.

"Um...how about when he goes?" Sandy suggested.

"And when is that gonna be? It could be a while before he goes. We have to set it up..." Kirsten was careful not to raise her voice too loud so that Seth didn't hear.

"It won't take a while to set it up. He has to go soon. He can't not go," He replied.

"I know. Just talk to him soon," Kirsten sighed and walked out of the room. She started up the stairs, trying to plan how to tell Seth. She didn't want to do this.

Seth's door lingered in front of her, and she didn't knock on it. She was afraid to. But she had to. Her knuckles slightly pounded on the white door.

"Seth?" Kirsten remembered the last time she did this. It didn't end well.

"Yeah?" Seth answered the call. So far so good.

"Can I come in?" Kirsten braced herself for the trouble.

"Sure," She had gotten farther she had on Thursday. Maybe this would go better.

Kirsten turned the knob and walked inside, not sure what to expect. She found her son sitting on his bed. She could envision him as eight years old.

When Seth was little, and they had moved to Newport, Sandy and Kirsten tried their hardest to help him adjust. She knew all the moms of the kids in Seth's class, but the only one who ever had a kid that went to one of Seth's birthday parties was Julie Cooper.

Julie and Kirsten were close friends, and Kirsten always tried to get Seth and Marissa to be friends, but it never worked. Seth had only once been invited to one of Marissa's parties, and he went, much to his own dismay. After that one, according to Julie, Jimmy had a problem with co-ed parties. Kirsten never believed it.

Seth had always been the outcast, even in Berkeley. He didn't have any friends there either. Kirsten always wondered if it had been something she did, and she wanted to know how. Why didn't Seth ever have any friends? Why had it taken Ryan to come before Seth finally opened up and ultimately bottled inside himself? What would life be like if Ryan hadn't come into their lives?

"Hey," Kirsten greeted her son carefully.

"Hi," Seth gave his mother a quick smile.

"How do you feel?" She could see the scar on his head. Kirsten wished to be back in a time where she could trust her son, not constantly worry about him.

"Fine," Seth was feeling a little better now since he had laid everything out to Summer.

"Do you know what happened to the phone?" She began. She knew Seth had to be the culprit.

"Sorry about that," Seth didn't look up at his mother.

"What happened?" Kirsten sat on Seth's bed.

"Got pissed at myself," Seth answered. He knew that there was an ulterior motive to this talk. He knew Sandy and Kirsten had reached a decision. Seth might as well start packing now.

"Well, at least you didn't take the anger out on yourself, just the phone," She tried to make her son feel better.

"And the wall," Seth informed her.

"What?" Seth pointed to the dent without looking up. "Oh."

"Sorry," He apologized.

"It's fine. Doesn't look like you threw it _that_ hard," Neither spoke for a bit, Kirsten took in Seth's room. Band posters were everywhere, most of them she didn't know. There was the surf board Sandy and she bought him in hopes he could meet some new people. He learned to surf, but only with his dad.

They sent Seth to camp every year so that he could make a few friends and they could have a nice break. Seth was miserable the whole time and he would call, begging them to take him home. Sandy would make Kirsten refuse and he would have to stay there for another three weeks. They gave up sending him to camp after a few years.

Sandy knocked on the pool house door. No one had seen much of Ryan lately.

"Come in," Ryan could see through the drawn shades. All the lights were out in the pool house, Sandy almost thought Ryan wasn't in there.

"Is it okay if I turn on the lights?" Sandy walked into the dark pool house.

"Oh yeah, that's fine," Ryan sat up as the bright lights lit up the perfect room with the misplaced teen in the middle of it.

"Now, why are you lying awake in a dark pool house?" Sandy sat next to Ryan.

"I was gonna sleep, but I could sleep, and I was too tired to get up and turn on the lights," Ryan explained.

"So you couldn't sleep, and you're too tired to get up? That's a little...strange," Sandy commented.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed.

"So what's up? What's new?" Sandy knew Ryan would be a little easier to talk to than Seth.

"Nothing really," Ryan answered.

"How did the visit to Summer go?" Sandy was feeling so behind in everything.

"It was good other than Marissa telling about Seth, and Summer flipping out, and then I told Summer all about my experience with Willow Creek," ran had become sick with telling that damn story.

"You did? Wow, thought you'd take that to the grave," Sandy joked with him

"Yeah, well," Ryan hadn't slept since being in the hospital.

"Have you had any cravings? You can tell me," Sandy looked over at Ryan.

"I sort of have. I mean, it's been on my mind a lot, so it might just be that. I don't know," Ryan did crave it, a lot actually, but he learned not to have it. It almost destroyed his life before. His life was a lot better now, he wasn't going to ruin it.

"Yeah. I did stuff when I was younger. Never to your extent, though. You know, I smoked a few joints back when I was in college. At least you don't have to learn that lesson anymore. What did you do when you were..." It was incredibly strange sharking drug stories with his son. Sandy couldn't believe he was talking about it.

"LSD, acid," Ryan answered depressingly, he regretted the whole thing. What good came out of it? Nothing.

"Never tried that. I'm not saying I tried a lot of stuff..." Sandy tried to dig himself out of a hole.

"I got ya," Ryan told him.

"What does it do?" Sandy mentally hit himself. Had he actually asked a former drug addict what kind of high a drug gives you?

"It gives you one hell of a fucked up trip," Ryan informed Sandy, then noticed his mistake. "Sorry."

"I'll let it slide this time. Just don't speak like that around Kirsten. She'll wash your mouth out with soap. Literally," Sandy warned.

"I won't. Don't worry," Ryan assured Sandy.

"Good. So. What else is new? Any new girls? You and Marissa seemed close yesterday morning," Sandy remembered that. It seemed so long ago.

"It's not happening. We fought. Twice," Ryan didn't quite want to think about the fights. "It involved a lot of accusations. I kinda lost it."

"Hmm...you losing your cool. That's pretty new," Sandy joked to his son.

"Wow, your sarcasm is in ful mode," Ryan commented.

"Well, I've been fighting with Kirsten, oh, all day, and I finally got a break. She's up talking to the other one," Kirsten hadn't let up with the argument all day.

"Seth?" Ryan said.

"Yeah, that's his name. He needs some help. A break from everything," Sandy told Ryan.

"So then he's gonna go to..." Ryan asked.

"Yeah. It's the best thing. He's gonna hate it. Doesn't do well with this stuff," Sandy answered.

Every second upstairs in Seth's room felt like a year. Kirsten wasn't saying anything, neither was Seth. He just wanted his mother to tell him about his New York trip and leave him to his own misery.

Kirsten was procrastinating, she didn't do that a whole lot. She always did her work, right when it was assigned. Did this count as work? Obviously not, otherwise, it'd be done by now.

She didn't know how to word it. Seth would take it to the worst level, she supposed. So how could Kirsten word it nicely? There was no way.

Kirsten began to think of her own mother. She had always been good with words. Kirsten missed her so much.

It had been a while since Kirsten really thought hard about her mother. Hailey looked so much like their mother, Kirsten barely at all. But their mother had been the best. Kirsten remembered the time when her mother tried to teach her how to cook. Her mother had left the room no two minutes before the smoke alarms were going off and everything was in flames.

Over ten years had passed since Kirsten's mother passed away. Seth had been way too small to really understand what was happening, Kirsten was both happy and mad about that. Seth didn't have to know, but he should've.

Kirsten remembered when her mother was in the hospital, near the end. They had moved to Newport, and Kirsten was working for her father. After school, every day, she would pick Seth up from school and take him to the hospital, and her mother would watch him while both Kirsten and Sandy worked. Her mother enjoyed the alone time with her only grandson, most of the times, Kirsten would walk in the room to see Seth asleep in his grandmother's arms. The one day Kirsten took a camera with her and got a picture of her sleeping son and mother.

When Kirsten's mother died, it had been a sad time for everyone. Seth didn't understand what happened, and Kirsten tried to shield him from it. But she couldn't. Caleb wanted Seth to attend his grandmother's funeral. So Sandy and Kirsten dressed him up in his little suit and sat him between them in the front row.

Kirsten barely got through the ceremony, and by the end of it, Seth was sitting on the other side of her and she was falling apart in Sandy's arms.

Seth was the only kid there, and he probably paid the most attention since he didn't understand any of it. But his eyes were always up front, they never strayed, except when they looked over to Kirsten and he would smile to her and she would attempt to smile through her pain.

Seth was even there when they laid his grandmother into the ground. He put a single white flower on her casket. Kirsten wished back then that she didn't understand what was happening. But Seth did understand that his grandmother was gone, and he felt lonely. But until he laid the flower on the casket, he thought he'd see her again.

"Bye Grammy," He had said as Kirsten broke down. Sandy watched his son say goodbye, come over to them and hug his mother's leg.

Seth actually did remember a lot of this, he just blocked it out of his thoughts. He had never seen his mother so sad than on that day. That memory was probably the most prominent Seth had from when he was little. He remembered some of the times sitting on the hospital bed, next to his sick grandmother as she told him stories. He loved those stories. It had been the hardest when Seth got picked up on the next Monday and Kirsten had to fill some last papers out with her father at the hospital. Seth ran off to his grandmother's room and found it empty. He remembered climbing up on the bed and finding he was the only person there.

Seth's grandmother died on November 1st.

Kirsten looked around Seth's room, trying to place herself in the right time. Gosh, she missed her mother so much.

"Mom? Are you okay?" Seth saw his mother was crying.

"I'm fine. But we need to talk," Kirsten wiped her eyes. She looked over at Seth, who glanced up for only a second.

"About?" Seth knew a lot was going to change. He didn't want it to though. He wanted to run back in time, all the way back to Valentines' Day of last year. That where he swore everything started.

No, first he'd run back to when he hit Mitch. He'd apologize. Life would hopefully go on the same and Seth would stop Theresa from taking that catering job and seeing Ryan. He wouldn't have sex with Summer, even though they did end up together. That way, he wouldn't hurt her.

So when summer would roll in, Ryan and Marissa would be happy, and Seth and Summer would flirt until November, when on the first day of that month, the shooting would make them realize they loved each other. All four of them would be alive and happy, and get through the horrible tragedy. That's what would happen.

No way. Everything would be different than that. And plus, Seth was a terrible runner. He wouldn't be able to change all of that.

"Everything," Kirsten wasn't ready.

"Figured," Seth moved to the side of his bed, next to his mother.

"Seth..." Kirsten started, but didn't say a word after that. She loved her son to death, and this was something she vowed never to do. This was an easy escape.

Seth just wanted to get through this. He was petrified of what to come. Would his parents send him to New York? They couldn't, not this far into school. Of course, he had missed a whole lot of it already. He hadn't applied to colleges. Could he still? Or would he be taking a year off. He had no clue.

Kirsten continued trying to word this correctly so that Seth wouldn't freak. He always overreacted about thins. She hoped Sandy got Ryan and they were blocking the exits.

"Mom?" Seth looked at his mother, who fell out of her thoughts.

"Hmm?" She looked at her almost grown up son, confused.

"You wanted to talk about stuff?" Seth knew his mother sometimes had a bad case of procrastination when it came to confrontation. He constantly did. He avoided it at all costs.

"Right, well, this is for the best..." Kirsten wished she had forced Sandy to come up here. He could have explained it better. Actually, he probably could've at least explained it.

"What'd you pick?" Seth just wanted to know if he needed to start packing.

"Pick what?" Kirsten didn't understand that Seth had heard his parents fighting.

"If I'm going to New York or not," Seth answered.

"You heard us?" She knew she had yelled too loud.

"The neighbors could hear," Seth looked down.

"Seth, you have to understand..." Kirsten started.

"Mom, I don't think it's a good idea. I mean, it's avoiding everything. I'm losing it, and it's probably best to ship me away to, like, Willow Creek, not because Summer's there, but because I think I need a permanent stay with a straight jacket," Seth rambled.

"Seth, I don't think you're crazy," Kirsten put her arm around Seth.

"I sure as hell do. I mean I'm hearing voices in my head, and come on, I tried to kill myself twice, how doesn't that count as crazy? Mom, I'm fucking insane. Clinically insane," Seth continued to ramble.

"Seth, you're not insane..." Kirsten just barely didn't yell at Seth for his cursing.

"Yes I am. Next thing you know, I'll be seeing things. Like, a person standing somewhere that you get pissed at and want to punch, but there's no one there," Seth could stop rambling.

"Seth, stop," Kirsten said and Seth got up.

"No, Mom, I need to be committed and put in a straight jacket and shoved into a padded room because I'm so screwed up," Seth kept going.

"Seth, you're not screwed up," Kirsten really opened a pandora's box.

"Then why did I try to kill myself two times?" Kirsten made him sit down, and he refused to look at her. He liked to avoid eye contact with the person he was telling his heart to.

"I don't know," Kirsten was near tears thinking about what Seth said.

"Exactly, I'm crazy," Seth was really afraid of what he was saying.

"You are not crazy, Seth. Every teenager goes through this," Kirsten tried to help.

"So every teenager is in a school shooting and gets shot and falls in a coma for almost two months? And every teenager has their ex try and kill themself and then they get shipped away? So after that, every teenager tries to kill themselves twice?" Seth asked her.

"Seth, stop this," Kirsten begged.

"Stop what?" Seth finally looked over at his mother.

"Saying you're crazy when you're not. You're going through depression, that is not insanity. Please, just calm down. You're gonna get through this all. Because we decided that..." Kirsten paused before answering.

**So, I think I'll stop there. Tell me what you think should happen, and maybe I'll please you and maybe I won't. So, if you want a sequel, please tell me and I'll try to figure out what it would be about. And, hopefully you got the hint about Seth's grandma and that date...hmm...maybe you didn't. And maybe you took the hint about Ryan? Oh, I have plans for him. You guys asked for it, and I'll give it to ya! So, please review, I love reading them. It makes my day!**


	17. Old Habits Die Hard

**Now, how long did this take to annoy you? What will Kirsten choose? Oh...I don't know. But thank you so much for the reviews, I absolutely love them. And a lot of you want a sequel, so I'm gonna have to see where this is headed. I can't believe where I've gone in this story. It's insanity. So...review after you read.**

"We're not sending you to New York," Kirsten told him.

"I'm not going," Seth was happy to hear this. He wouldn't leave Summer, he'd finish school here.

"Right. But you are going to have to see a therapist, or even a psychiatrist. That's part of the deal," Kirsten finally got it all out.

"So I'll have to talk to a stranger about everything I just said?" Seth was wary. He was relatively okay talking to someone he knew about everything, but a complete stranger? Yeah, he was gonna have some problems with that.

"Yep," Kirsten answered.

"Can't I just talk to you and Dad?" Seth proposed.

"Do you want to go to New York?" Kirsten had decided that, after a few hours of arguing, it wouldn't be good for Seth to go to New York. It would hurt him more than help him.

"No, not especially," Seth informed his mother.

"Well then, you need to talk to a professional who deals with this stuff every day. It'll help you," Kirsten said.

"What if it doesn't?" Seth didn't want to go.

"It will," Kirsten defended.

"I guess," Seth was glad he didn't have to fly to New York, but what would the therapist think of Seth? He knew Summer had to have one, but having a therapist freaked him out.

"Do you wanna go downstairs?" Kirsten looked at her son.

"Sure," She got up and he sadly followed. The change wasn't going to be as big as he expected, but he knew there would be one.

Seth didn't want to go downstairs. He wanted to stay in his room and hide. So why the hell was he following his mother? No. Stop. He didn't.

Seth walked down the stairs. Damn.

Sandy was in the living room, watching a movie, alone. Ryan claimed he wanted to sleep.

"Where's Ryan?" Kirsten asked.

"In the pool house, hopefully sleeping," Sandy answered his wife.

"Oh," Kirsten was hoping for a family tv watching.

"You know Mom, I'm kind of tired too, I think I'll go to sleep," Seth wanted to escape.

"Okay," Kirsten reluctantly let her son go upstairs. There went that plan.

Ryan was again lying on his bed, wide awake. What was wrong with him? He needed to sleep, yet he wasn't tired. Since telling Summer about the drugs, his head did not want to rest. He felt like such a liar. He couldn't tell his brother. How pathetic was that?

And now, thinking about it, he had an urge for them. To feel invincible, and like nothing was wrong. But they practically destroyed his life.

He still wanted them.

No. Ryan wouldn't let temptation get him.

Yes he would.

Thinking about the feeling, the trip it gave, was killing him, making him want it so badly. No, wasn't going to drive to Chino and find some guy who had it. Ryan promised the Cohens that he wouldn't. They would kick him out if they found him. Would he risk it?

Ryan got up. He had to clear his head. If he accidently found himself in Chino buying cigarettes, so be it. He walked into the living room where Kirsten and Sandy were watching a movie.

"Hey," Ryan started.

"Hi," Both adults looked at him.

"Is it all right if I borrow the Range Rover?" He asked.

"Sure, just be back soon," Kirsten and Sandy didn't think anything about it. Ryan walked away, hoping this wouldn't be the last time he'd leave the house as a family member.

He yawned and got in the car. He put the key in the ignition and pulled away from the Cohens. Ryan put the radio on and Broadway tunes yelled at him. Sandy was in the car last. Ryan pressed another channel, alternative songs came at him.

Music didn't affect him like it did to everyone else, the only band he especially enjoyed was Journey. He didn't quite know how he learned to like the band. All he remembered was his dad telling him about this great band.

As he pulled onto the highway that would take him to Chino, he wondered what the hell he was doing. He wasn't going to get a fix, he was just going for a drive and maybe some cigarettes. Right?

Ryan drove along the highway for a while, until he saw his exit. He was back in Chino.

Chino was alive in the middle of the night, kids were hanging out on the corner and they all stared at Ryan in the expensive SUV.

He drove to the shopping center where they didn't care how old you were for cigarettes. Ryan parked the car and leaned on the car before he did anything. Cigarettes would maybe stop the craving. But he'd been clean for so long. Oh hell, he had to stop the cravings.

Ryan got off the car and began to walk to the store. He saw some guys his age standing around.

"Damn, is that Atwood?" One of them yelled and out of the corner of Ryan's eye he saw the guys walk towards him. "Atwood!" Ryan turned and saw some of his old buddies.

Ryan hadn't seen any of his old friends in so long. He avoided everything in Chino over the summer with Theresa.

"Damn Atwood, haven't seen you in ages," The leader of the group hugged Ryan.

"Hey Pete," Ryan had known Pete since about the fifth grade when Pete moved to Chino.

"Where ya been Atwood? I just got back like two months ago and you weren't here," Pete looked over Ryan.

"Yeah, I've been hanging with some...other guys," Ryan didn't want to tell his old friends he lived in Newport.

"Cool. Yeah, I just got back in town. Everything's pretty much blown over now. You didn't tell anyone, did you?" Pete's dad and him had robbed some place, and they skipped town. Ryan had been the only one who knew who did it.

"No," Ryan hadn't had a chance to tell anyone. He was sent to Willow Creek not long after the robbery. He had forgotten about it over the years.

"I owe you man. Hey listen, you want some?" Pete produced a bag, the thing Ryan was craving.

"I can't pay for it," Ryan didn't want it. Or did he?

"It's on the house, man. You saved me from juvie," Pete shoved the bag into Ryan's hand.

"Yeah, that place sucks," Ryan put the bag in his pocket. He'd throw it away later.

"Were you there, man?" Pete looked at Ryan with admiration.

"Yeah. Twice, but they were only for a few days each," Ryan answered.

"Shit, what'd you do?" Pete asked.

"Trey and me tried to steal a car the first time. Second time, me and some other kid burned down a house," Ryan hadn't thought about the model home in a while.

"Man, how'd you get out? Those are major," Pete was still amazed he was looking at Ryan Atwood.

"I know a guy," Ryan didn't understand why he didn't reveal anything about Newport. All the guys would be jealous. It was their dream. Get out of Chino, and live the high life. Literally and metaphorically. But after a while, that dream became less and less imaginable, and they never talked about it. All these guys were tough, they'd been through everything. So had Ryan.

When they were younger, some of these guys looked up to Ryan. He was one of the toughest.

"Nice. So, what else is new with you?" Pete kept talking with his old buddy.

"Nothing, really. Just, uh, getting through the days," Ryan answered.

"Yeah, same with me. I mean, I'm glad to be in Chino. How the hell is that possible? Some places were just dives. Corona was horrible," Most of the other guys left Pete and Ryan and went to the liquor store.

"I knew a guy in Corona," Ryan slipped out. Shit.

"Who?" Pete was interested.

"Some guy named Donnie. He crashed some Newport party and shot the captain of the water polo team," Why the hell was Ryan telling Pete this?

"Damn, there's a lot of shootings there. You hear about that school shooting? It was at a private school. I mean, how fucked up are those Newport people? Wouldn't wanna live there. Sure, it's rich and probably fabulous, but jeez, you have less of a chance getting shot in Chino than in Newport. Right, Ry?" Pete smiled at Ryan.

"Yeah," Ryan softly lied. He was ready to punch Pete for what he said, but he kept his cool. "Listen, I gotta go, but I'll see you around," Ryan wanted to get out.

"Awesome," Pete hugged his friend once more and Ryan headed to the Range Rover. "Damn Atwood! You steal that too?" Pete screamed as Ryan unlocked the car.

"I'm borrowing it," Ryan replied and got in. He drove away from Chino, amazed that now, he wasn't tired at all.

The bag was burning a gaping hole in his pocket. It wanted to be released, to give someone their release. Ryan had to throw it out.

Ryan got back to the Cohens, by now, it was eleven thirty. He parked the car and walked down the driveway to the garbage. The bag was in his hand, he was ready to throw it out.

He was wasting like a hundred dollars. That wasn't good. Ryan was never a person to waste money. And plus, what if someone found it and investigated the Cohens? Ryan couldn't do it. He'd throw it away in a more public place.

Stuffing the bag back in his pocket, Ryan walked back up the driveway. He went into the main house so that Kirsten and Sandy knew he was back.

"How was your drive? You were out a while, we were getting worried," Kirsten commented when she saw her son.

"I was just clearing my head," Ryan replied.

"Is it clear?" Sandy joked with Ryan, who was antsy to leave.

"Yeah, I think I'll go get some sleep. I'm kinda tired," Ryan fake yawned. "Night."

"Night," Kirsten and Sandy again didn't think about it as Ryan raced out of the house. They trusted him.

Ryan went into the pool house bathroom. He could flush it down the toilet. Or he could give it to one of the druggies in the school. Yeah, that was a great idea. Plus, all the druggies in Harbor were part of the water polo team. Then they wouldn't bother him or Seth.

Why couldn't he just get rid of it? He had to, right? The temptation was killing him. As much as he wanted to, he could throw it out.

As much as he wanted to, Ryan wouldn't have it.

With it back in his pocket, Ryan fell on the bed. What was his problem? This part of his life was over with. He was clean. He hadn't had it in so long. And now, all of sudden, he wanted it?

Yeah, that was correct.

Ryan didn't know what to do. The temptation was so powerful, he hadn't had a craving this bad in well over two years.

He squeezed his eyes shut. No, he wasn't gonna do it. No, he wouldn't throw it out. No, he wasn't going to win this battle.

A little bit never hurt anyone.

000000000000000

Seth had skipped his last two classes on Tuesday. Today was his first meeting with a therapist. The substitute in his last class yesterday let them out early, so technically, Seth hadn't gotten through a full day of school in a week.

Sandy was supposed to pick Seth up after school. Ryan would ride his bike, he offered. They would be going out of their way to take him back to the house. Ryan hadn't thrown the drugs out yet.

So at the end of the day, Sandy sat in front of the school, waiting for Seth. Seth wouldn't come. He was sitting in a restaurant on the pier, far away from his jump.

Ryan walked out of the school to get his bike. Sandy noticed him.

"Ryan!" Sandy yelled and Ryan walked over to him.

"Yeah?" Ryan asked.

"You seen Seth?" Sandy was getting impatient.

"No. Not since lunch, why?" Ryan hadn't really slept well at all though he was dead tired.

"I think he may have run," Seth ran at any given moment. He was never a huge runner when he was little, but it got more and more frequent lately.

"Probably," Ryan knew Seth ran way too much.

"Any thoughts to where?" Hopefully Sandy could find Seth soon so that they could talk.

"Pier restaurant. Far away from where he jumped," Seth hadn't eaten during lunch, so Ryan knew he would go to food. Sandy gave Ryan a questioning look. "Far away from the Crab Shack."

"Oh. Thanks. I'll go. You should get home," Sandy told Ryan.

"Don't worry, I will. See ya," Ryan went back to his bike and then he and Sandy went off in opposite directions.

Sandy checked all the restaurants until he found Seth. He saw him through the window. Sandy got out and saw Seth sitting there, with a glass of water in front of him, reading a book. His skateboard leaned on his booth, and his backpack was next to him.

"Up. Now, let's go," Sandy ordered, scaring Seth. He walked out of the restaurant, not waiting for his son. Seth tried to argue, but couldn't get a word out. He had already paid, so he grabbed his stuff and followed Sandy.

Seth threw his things into the back seat. Sandy didn't say a word as his son stubbornly sat next to him. He would wait to talk when they got there.

Seth didn't want to go see this therapist. He didn't want to talk about his past. According to existentialism, it didn't matter.

Twenty minutes later, Seth and Sandy were walking into an office. It smelled strange, like there was mold. Seth sat down as Sandy told the receptionist they were here.

"You know, the thing is at four, not three thirty," Seth commented to his father. He wasn't in a good mood.

"I know. I thought we could talk," Sandy sat down.

"Shouldn't I save my words for in there?" Seth remarked sarcastically.

"All right, wiseass," Sandy took his son off guard. "We need to talk."

"About?" Seth continued being stubborn.

"You. I'm worried. You're skipping school, jumping off piers, what's up?" Sandy looked over at Seth, who felt bad.

"I'm fine," Seth didn't want to discuss anything.

"No, you're not. I'm really worried about you kid. What's up? You can talk to me," Sandy used to know Seth so well. His son used to tell him everything. What had changed?

"Dad, I'm fine," Seth shot at his father. What time was it? Three thirty five. Crap.

"No, you're not Seth. That's why you're here. Why won't you talk to me? I'd like to know what's up in your life," Sandy was getting annoyed with Seth.

"Dad, you don't wanna know what's going on," Seth couldn't help but object to talking.

"Yes, I do," Sandy argued. No one else was in the waiting room.

"I think I'm going crazy," Seth finally divulged.

"How so?" Sandy was interested. He knew his son wasn't crazy. So why did Seth think that?

"I just am," Seth didn't know how to explain it. At times during the last two days, he had thought of running away, or even killing himself. The shooting hadn't changed a single one of the assholes at his school. They were still assholes.

John and his buddies kept annoying Seth, and usually Seth and Ryan could take them. Or at least yell at them. But Ryan was way out of it the last two days. Seth didn't know what the hell was wrong with either of them.

"Well, I don't think you're crazy," Sandy tried assuring Seth.

"Mom said the same thing," Seth commented absentmindedly.

"Great minds think alike," Sandy joked, but Seth didn't laugh. "So, anyways, what else?"

"Nothing really. Just me going crazy," Seth really wanted to bolt out of this place. What was gonna happen once he went beyond that door? Would the person be mean, or nice? Seth didn't want to go.

"You're not crazy. You're just going through a rough spot," Sandy commented.

"Whatever. Do I really have to go?" Seth hoped he could con his father into letting him go home.

"Yeah. You gotta go," Sandy wasn't budging.

"But I'm not a good talker..." Seth argued and Sandy burst out laughing.

"You and I both know that's a complete and blatant lie," Sandy couldn't stop laughing. "Listen, Seth, I know you don't wanna do this. Cohens hate talking about their feelings. We'll talk about everything else, just not that. But be the first Cohen to get through therapy. The Nana tried to get me in it, I bolted," Sandy told his son.

"Really?" Seth had never heard this story, and he had thought he heard them all.

"Oh, yeah. I was really doing bad in school, I didn't care what anyone thought. Until my friend got caught stealing and his dad freaked. The dad tried to help him, and my friend really hurt the dad. I realized that the Nana was only looking out for me and she cared. So I buckled down and did my work," Sandy said.

"So you didn't have to go to therapy, and I still do?" Seth tried to get it.

"Yep," Sandy laughed a bit more.

"Damn," Seth cursed under his breath.

"Heard that," Sandy was happy with the way his talk was going. But they hadn't even scratched the surface. "Are you sure you're okay?" Sandy asked again.

"Honestly?" Sandy looked at Seth and saw a weakness that had hidden itself for weeks.

"Honestly," Sandy was ready for it.

"I am so scared right now, you can't even imagine," Seth away from his father.

"Scared about what?" They were finally getting somewhere.

"Everything. Tomorrow, going into that room, Summer, Mom, school, the future. I am so fucking scared of what's gonna happen next," Seth refused to look at his dad. Whenever he said something emotionally important, he could never look at anyone in the eye.

"Seth..." This was where everyone usually stopped talking. "You shouldn't be afraid of everything. There's nothing to fear. Tomorrow won't be as bad as you think."

"Usually it is. That's how it works," Seth informed his father.

"Well, not this time. Tomorrow will be good," Sandy kept trying his luck at optimism.

"I hope you're right," Silence crept over them, and Seth checked his watch. It was almost time. The mold stench had begun to get at him.

Ten more minutes. His blood was turning to ice as they got closer. By the time he had to go in, he'd be a popsicle, not able to move. Maybe they'd take that as an excuse. They wouldn't, since he couldn't prove it. Damn it.

Seth couldn't remember the last time he was so nervous in a doctors' office. It had to be that time when he was eleven, and Kirsten made him go with her to a Newpsie meeting. He was forced to hang out with a future water polo player.

The Newpsie owner of the house had a cat, one Seth was told was friendly. He stared eye to eye with it and tried to pet it.

Seth never screamed so loud and the Newpsie meeting was cut short. Kristen took him to the eye doctor where he sat in that evil waiting room with his eye on fire. He sat there for an hour as he lost eye sight in his right eye.

Eventually he was checked over, he had to get surgery. Damn cat. But the worst part of it all, he had to wear an eye patch to school. Seth was so embarrassed. He was called 'Pirate Death Breath' for months.

"Seth Cohen," A door opened and the receptionist stood there. Where had the last ten minutes gone? Damn 'Pirate Death Breath' story. Damn it to the high seas.

"Do I have to come with?" Sandy had no clue how these things operated.

"No, I don't think so," The receptionist answered.

"Do I have to?" Seth quickly looked over to her.

She laughed before answering, "Yeah."

"Well, this is it," Sandy looked at his dismayed son.

"Do I really have to go? Please save me," Seth was terrified.

"If you need to be saved, follow her. Just get through this one meeting. If you don't like the person, we'll find you a new therapist. Just do this. It'll make your mother happy and that's what counts. Then everyone's happy," Sandy gave his son a pep talk.

"Fine," Seth gave in and stood up.

"Have fun," Sandy teased.

"Yeah, sure," Seth was sarcastic. "Man, I'd take 'Pirate Death Breath' before this."

"Who's 'Pirate Death Breath'?" Sandy inquired and Seth realized his fatal mistake.

"Don't ask," Seth answered before disappearing behind the door with the receptionist.

**So? What do you think? Do you like what I did to Ryan? Or how about 'Pirate Death Breath'? I believe there might be more of that in the next chapter. I decided to speed up a bit since it's been going pretty slow. But I promise, everything will be resolved before I finish this. Only five or six more chapters! Please review, I love them!**


	18. The Up and Down To Things

**Wow, never had more diverse comments. If you didn't like what I did, whatever. I'm not gonna let it get me down. Anyways, most of you liked it, so I'm keeping going. What I want to do is show Ryan's weakness. Drugs are very tempting, and sometimes you can't think straight. Plus, you all wanted Ryan to make a mistake. At first, it was going to be Theresa coming back, but I mean, I didn't want that. The whole thing will lead to the end, where I can promise...something. LOL. So please review, I really like reading the nice ones. **

For once in the Cohen household, things were going good. For some at least. Ryan was falling apart at the seams, unlike Seth, who was sewing himself up again.

Prozac had become Seth's newest friend, it took away the bad thoughts. His sarcasm was returning, and he smiled.

"Good morning parents," Seth greeted Kirsten and Sandy three weeks after his initial therapy session.

"Morning Seth," Kirsten rushed around like usual, trying to prepare for another meeting.

"Morning Pirate Death Breath," Sandy joked. Ever since therapy, he had bothered his son about this character. Seth finally gave in and told him about it. Sandy hadn't stopped teasing him yet.

"Okay, it's been three weeks, Dad. Aren't you over it?" Seth complained. He had been in the safe zone for a while, so teasing was allowed. Though he was pissed two weeks ago when a therapy session forbade him from seeing Summer.

"Nope, sorry. I'm not, Pirate Death Breath," Sandy absolutely loved the nickname.

"You know, that's very detrimental to my mental stability. I could go right down to the pier and jump," Seth had only talked to Summer once more since pouring his heart out to her. Seth learned that Alicia had broken down, and that Mika and Nikki escaped.

"What, to your pirate ship?" Sandy couldn't stop joking.

"Mother, will you please make him stop?" Seth looked desperately at his mother, who stared back at her son for a moment. She was about to say something, but was interrupted.

"You should've kept your mouth shut, son," Sandy commented.

"When have I ever?" Seth walked over to his pill bottle and tried to open it. The child proof lid held him back. "Damn lid," He muttered under his breath.

"Seth...language," Kirsten told him since he didn't have a depressing excuse to curse.

"It's this stupid ass cap. I can't get it!" Seth kept twisting the cap around with no luck.

"Here," Kirsten went over to her struggling son.

"Good thing he can unlock doors. Those child proof locks can sometimes be so hard to open," Sandy kept going as Kirsten finally got the cap off.

Ryan drowsily walked in as Seth thanked Kirsten. The bags under Ryan's eyes were growing, he was losing weight. Why the fuck had he tried it again?

"Ryan, thank God you're here. Will you please tell my dad that 'Pirate Death Breath' was funny for maybe the first maybe five seconds, but it's over. Will you please explain that to him?" Seth told his brother as he popped two pills in his mouth and swallowed.

"Sure," Ryan had to adjust to the intensity of the light in the kitchen and the noise.

"Are you okay Ryan? You look sick," Kirsten got worried and walked over to Ryan. Closer up, she could see he was a complete mess.

"I'm fine Kirsten," Ryan argued. He knew he was sick, just not in the way she thought.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Kirsten's maternal side came out, unlike Dawn. Ryan was never fussed over, it was a strange experience.

"I slept fine," Ryan told his guardian. Almost every night he was using, and it kept him u. In the past three weeks, he had barely slept at all.

"I think you should stay home. Get some rest," Kirsten checked his forehead. It was cool, but she still wasn't convinced.

"Kirsten, I assure you I'm fine. If anything happens at school, I'll go to the nurse. But really, I'm fine," Ryan didn't want to stay home because he was afraid he'd use it again, and someone would find him.

"Are you sure?" Kirsten was still worried, she couldn't help it.

"Yes," Ryan looked Kirsten in the eye and lied. He had learned to do that so long ago, from his brother. Ryan was small, and he used to always tell his mom Trey did everything when Ryan had actually screwed up. People always believed him. He was abusing the trust he longed for. He felt horrible.

And of course he wasn't okay. Ryan was back on drugs, he was ruining this family. Ryan wasn't a part of it, he was too different. The trip to Chino made him realize that. He would never be of Newport. He'd always be from Chino, it was his past and he was stuck with it.

"Okay. Well, you guys should be going," Kirsten informed them.

"I'll drive them," Sandy offered, forgetting about 'Pirate Death Breath' for a few moments. Much to Ryan's dismay, things were focusing on him.

"All right. Bye boys, I love you," Kirsten took her papers and left the house.

"We got a few minutes. Ryan, go get your stuff from the pool house," Sandy told them and Ryan shuffled back to get his backpack. He didn't take his bag. He would deal without. If he could quit without the Cohens ever finding out, it'd be a miracle.

They left soon after and headed to school. Seth and Sandy rambled in the front as Ryan struggled to stay awake in the back. Sandy took note of it.

Seth and Ryan got out of the car, Seth was still rambling. Ryan tried to pay attention, but his mind would focus.

Marissa spotted the two guys as they walked in. She hadn't really talked to either a whole lot. Seth was okay with her, Ryan was the problem. But Marissa was sick of being alone in Harbor. She walked over to them.

"Hey guys," She smiled.

"Hey Marissa," Seth was in a good mood and didn't notice his best friend's somber one.

"Hey," Ryan muttered.

"So what's up? Have you talked to Sum lately?" Marissa began to walk with them.

"No," They walked past the memorials. The injuries one was almost empty. Only one girl remained, she had been paralyzed. They were trying to get her to walk again.

"Oh, because she has visitation this week," Marissa commented.

"Yep. I am so going this time," Seth was so happy he'd be able to see Summer.

"Can you go Ryan?" Marissa looked at her worn down ex-boyfriend. She was trying to stop drinking, and she was getting better.

Everyone else was getting better as Ryan screwed up more and more.

"Yeah," Ryan choked out.

"Great. Then all three of us can go. Sum'll be really happy. Last time, she was in such a bad mood because I was the only one that came. Her dad has yet to talk to her. Which is really weird. Her dad is really cool," Marissa was mostly having the conversation with Seth.

"He's all right," Seth hadn't talked to Neil Roberts on the best occasions.

"So, anyways...what else is up?" Marissa wanted to get off the discussion of Summer for just a little bit.

"No clue. I was hoping you knew what was up," They continued walking down the hall.

"Okay," Marissa laughed and looked over at Ryan. He was staring off into space. "You okay Ryan?"

"Fine," Ryan didn't look over. They made it to Marissa and Seth's homeroom.

"Bye Ryan," Marissa was worried about Ryan. He wasn't himself.

"See ya," Seth added and Ryan just walked off absentmindedly.

"What is up with him?" Marissa asked Seth as they sat down in the back of the homeroom.

"Who?" Seth was obviously oblivious.

"Ryan," Marissa answered.

"What about him?" Seth did not understand.

"He's acting really strange. Haven't you noticed it?" Marissa looked at Seth with concern.

"His humor seems gone. And he does act very outsider-ish. Maybe he's reverted back to being Chino-y Ryan," Seth wondered.

"I think something is seriously up," Marissa wished she was closer to Ryan to know what was wrong.

"I'll try to figure something out," Seth commented.

"Me too. I'll talk to him second period," Marissa added.

Ryan sat in his homeroom, thinking everything over. Had he actually told Seth and Marissa he'd visit Summer? He couldn't go, everyone there would know he was using. Nicole especially. She knew what it did to you.

The bell rang and Ryan headed to his first period class. Marissa and Seth watched him walk by. Seth was worried now too. He didn't know what was wrong with his brother.

Only four more days for Ryan to get clean.

000000000000

Marissa stood at the Cohens' front door. It was Saturday, and she was driving Seth and Ryan to see Summer.

Ryan was lying in the pool house, ashamed. He wasn't clean, he would have to try to get out of going.

Seth opened the door, out of breath. Kirsten was at work, Sandy was surfing, the boys were home alone.

"Hey Seth. You ready?" Marissa asked as she entered. She hadn't been to the Cohens' house since...she couldn't remember last. Possibly the dinner before Julie and Caleb's wedding. It had been way too long.

"Almost. Just gotta grab some stuff," Seth told her.

"Where's Ryan?" Neither of them had gotten very far talking to Ryan.

"Still in the pool house. Can you go get him?" Seth asked.

"Sure," Seth disappeared up the stairs as Marissa went through the Cohens' house and to the pool house.

She could see Ryan in it, lying there. Marissa knocked on the door and he sat up. She smiled and opened the door.

"Hey," She greeted him and walked in. "You ready?"

"I don't think I'm gonna go," Ryan told her.

"Why?" Marissa sat down next to him. She wished she could pt her arm around Ryan and try to make him feel better.

"I just don't feel good," Ryan knew Marissa wouldn't push him to go. Seth would, but Marissa understood her limits.

"Oh. Too bad. Summer was really pissed that you and Seth weren't there last time," Marissa commented.

They both looked at each other and Ryan stared into Marissa's wide blue eyes. Damn it. He couldn't do it. He still cared about Marissa, and when he looked into her eyes, there was just something there he couldn't argue.

"I guess I could go," Ryan said after Marissa and him looked away.

"Are you sure? Because you don't have to go," Marissa looked back over at him in concern. What was up with Ryan?

"Yeah, I'm sure," He gave her a quick smirk and she smiled and got up.

"Let's go," Marissa led the way out of the pool house with Ryan following. What had he just done?

Seth had just gotten into the kitchen. He grabbed his pill bottle and tried to open it. He couldn't and began to get frustrated. Stupid child proof lid.

"Got him," Marissa commented as they walked into the kitchen and saw Seth, again having trouble with the pill bottle.

"Great. Now, if only this damn bottle would open," Seth really hated opening the bottle. It had something against him.

"Here," Marissa took the bottle from Seth, just like Kirsten had, and opened it without a problem.

"Ah, I see we have someone who's handy with opening a pill bottle," Seth said as he swallowed two of the pills.

"Unfortunately," Marissa joked. Ever since the argument with Ryan about a month ago, her drinking was slowing up. She was doing it herself, without her parents even knowing, especially her mom. Marissa usually hung out with her dad and Hailey.

All three of them headed out to Marissa's car. Seth jumped in the back and closed the boor before his brother could get there. Ryan tried to get in, but Seth had locked the door.

"Well, what do you know?" Seth said and looked to the front. Ryan gave him a stare, but Seth didn't budge. Ryan reluctantly sat in the front.

Marissa got in, not seeing any of what had just happened. She, nor Ryan, knew that Seth was trying to get them back together.

She pulled the car out and began their trek. No one spoke, which was quite strange with Seth in the car. He usually never stopped talking. So Marissa turned on the radio. And as soon as the music started, Seth began to ramble.

Ryan and Marissa barely made it through an hour and a half of Seth rambling, but they did. They reached Willow Creek, glad to leave the car and Seth's rambling.

They got out and stood in front of the hospital, just staring. They all deserved to be in there, but for different reasons.

It was probably the coldest it had ever been in Newport, almost below freezing. They just continued to stare up at the place, frozen to the ground.

"Maybe we should go in," Marissa said and shivered, and the two guys nodded. All three headed inside, where it wasn't much warmer. "We're here to visit Summer Roberts," Marissa informed the receptionist and they went through the procedure. Sign in, bags checked, get a visitor's pass, wait for a nurse, and go up.

Summer sat in her room, not expecting anyone to come see her. Nicole had come back with Mika about a week ago, they hadn't beaten their record. They tried to get Summer to go with them, but she knew they would be in here for longer. And Summer wanted to get out as fast as she could.

Marissa, Seth, and Ryan followed the nurse up the stairs and into the ward. This was a new experience to Seth, not to Ryan or Marissa. The only thing reminding Ryan he wasn't in here was the visitor's pass.

Nicole, Mika, and Evan were sitting in the swivel chairs, talking amongst themselves. No one visited any of them. Everyone else had visitors.

Evan was a cutter, an artistic cutter as Mika had once described it. She had been in this ward the longest, a total of eight months. She couldn't get close to getting out. There was always a suicide attempt.

Some people had speculated whether Evan enjoyed it there. Life had just gotten too hectic for her. Eight months ago, they found her bleeding to death on her bathroom floor on her birthday.

The three girls rolled over to the three visitors. Seth was taking in everything, as Ryan and Marissa were relatively fine there.

"Who're you here to visit?" Evan tried to be the leader of the ward, but she was too passive for it. Her parents didn't much help. Her parents constantly brought her down, and they they even did it at visitation. Until Evan wigged out on the and was sent to a safety room, like Alicia had been sent to two weeks ago. Alicia got out and now was being scolded by her parents.

"They're here to visit Summer," Nikki answered, keeping eye contact on Ryan. He didn't look up at her, but she could still see. She knew he was using right away.

"Where is she?" Marissa asked Nicole, who hadn't been there last visitation. The last time was the most empty, missing three of the patients. Mika and Nicole escaped, and Alicia was in a safety room.

"Room. Doesn't feel like leaving. Don't know why for certain," Nikki told Marissa.

"Thanks," Marissa, Seth, and Ryan left the three patients and headed to Summer's room, which Summer showed Marissa two weeks ago.

Summer laid on her bed, playing with Princess Sparkle. The horse's hair was beginning to slightly knot.

"Hey," Marissa walked in Summer's room. Guys weren't allowed in the bedrooms. Summer shot up when she saw Marissa.

"Oh my gosh, Coop, I can't believe you made it!" Summer hugged Marissa in excitement.

"I'm not the only one. Go see who else came," Marissa told her.

"Who?" Summer wanted to know. She walked outside her room and saw Ryan. "Hey Ryan," Shutting her eyes, she hugged him. Seth was hiding behind Ryan.

"And..." Marissa couldn't wait to see Summer light up. Summer looked behind Ryan.

"Cohen!" She exclaimed and jumped into his arms. She felt her eyes watering as she squeezed him with all her might. It had been a month since she last saw him, walking out of the hospital. "I can't believe it."

"Neither can I," Seth didn't show his emotions as much as his girlfriend, but he was happy to see her. They had both tried to kill themselves over the other.

After about five minutes of Summer freaking out, they settled into a few seats.

"So," Summer was still amazed to see Seth.

"How's everything going here?" Marissa started.

"Insanity. Like usual. How about Newport?" Summer commented. Seth began rambling about almost everything.

"I'm gonna go get some fresh air," Ryan announced, getting up and leaving. None of them, except Summer, noticed Nicole come up next to Ryan.

"How long you been using?" Nikki whispered to Ryan.

"What?" Ryan hoped no one could hear them talking.

"How long have you been doing drugs?" Nikki reiterated.

"Three weeks...do you think they know?" Ryan was losing it.

"No. Summer...possibly. Marissa and Seth...suspect something's wrong, but definitely not drugs," Nicole analyzed. "How'd you get it?"

"I went to get cigarettes and met up with a guy I knew. He gave me a free bag," Ryan told her as they walked.

"You must've been good friends with the guy. Wait, one bag for three weeks?" That didn't seem right to Nicole.

"I was a large bag and I haven't been doing large amounts," Ryan explained.

"Right," Nikki didn't believe that.

"Listen, you can't tell them. Promise?" Ryan hadn't believed himself. He went back to Chino not that long ago to get more and some cigarettes. He had completely done a turn around.

"Promise," Nicole told him and Ryan walked out of the ward and the hospital. He lit a cigarette. Addiction was destroying him.

"Oh! Summer, I brought stuff for you," Seth remembered and produced the bag. He handed it over to Summer. She loved getting stuff.

"Thanks," Summer began looking through the bag. "Comics, Cohen?" She showed Seth the pile.

"I thought maybe you'd want to read them," Seth said.

"I will," Summer told him. She didn't know if she would. She tried to read them, but that was just to get Seth's attention off of Anna.

"Cool," Seth felt so uncomfortable in the hospital. He didn't know how Summer could be in here 24-7.

Ryan took one last drag of his cigarette, and threw it down on the pavement. He felt like the last two three years didn't happen. Like he was a drugged out fourteen year old.

He walked back in, showed the receptionist his visitor's pass and waited for another nurse. Going up alone with a nurse made him feel like he belonged there.

Summer noticed Ryan come up and she began to think of how he was in here. Something was up with him, but she didn't know what.

"What did I miss?" Ryan asked as he sat down.

"I just gave Summer a bag of stuff," Seth informed his brother. He knew Ryan was having problems, but Seth didn't think anything serious. Ryan was always introverted.

"Neat," Ryan commented.

"Do you guys wanna play a game or something? Cards, ping pong?" Summer suggested.

"Doesn't matter," Marissa answered.

"Yes it does. Because we're just gonna be sitting here if we don't talk about anything," Summer told them. She felt the sanest out of them all. That wasn't good.

"What do you wanna talk about?" Marissa kept with the conversation.

"I don't know," Summer was giving into the silence. It used to be so easy to talk together, and now, it had to be forced. Everything used to be so normal, if it could constitute as normal. Just a month and a half earlier, they talked as though they were normal, and now, that was all gone.

It had to be the most uncomfortable silence ever known. Four teens, all close friends, and they had nothing to say. Seth never stopped talking, especially with Summer around. But yet, both had their mouths shut.

What happened to them all? Where was the defining moment that changed them all?

The shooting.

The shooting had changed them so badly. It stopped best friends from knowing each other. It brought together, yet separated each of them from the other.

Four friends sat in a corner reflecting on how they screwed up their lives.

**So? What do we think? Please review, I need them! Kidding. But if you really, really hate it, well, tough for you. Only three more chapters after this! Don't worry, I've got the sequel to this sequel in the works already.**


	19. Swing And Slide

**Oh my gosh guys, thank you so much for your support! It means so much to me. Now, I believe we only have three chapters left, the countdown has begun! I have in fact started the sequel, and right now, I am thinking of a title for it. So, once I finish this, I can maybe put part of the sequel on the OC boards, and you can maybe help with a title. Please review, I love them.**

Ryan's hand was shaking. It was Monday, Valentine's Day. Ryan didn't want to go to school, but he didn't want to worry Kirsten and Sandy. So he got up and ready, shaking and shivering.

Walking towards the house, he saw Kirsten decked out in Valentine's apparel. He didn't want to ruin her day. He went back in the pool house, and had a bit to keep him okay for maybe until third period.

Ryan checked himself over in the bathroom mirror. He looked like shit. Kirsten would not let him go to school. Crap.

He walked back into the kitchen. Kirsten had her bow and arrow and was about to shoot at Ryan, but she saw what he looked like.

"Oh God Ryan. Are you okay?" Kirsten was seriously worried about her son.

"I am absolutely, positively fine," Ryan smiled a little too broadly. No one bought it.

"You're sick, Ryan," Kirsten told him.

"What? I'm not sick, I don't have a problem," Ryan prayed to God they didn't suspect he was doing drugs.

"I think you do," Neither Kirsten nor Sandy suspected drugs. It was in the back of both their minds, screaming it, but they refused to believe it. They could trust Ryan. He was a good kid.

"I don't. I'm fine. I really am," Ryan tried to persuade them.

"It could be contagious," Kirsten fussed.

"I assure you it's not contagious, because there's nothing to be contagious," Seth watched as Ryan tried to get out of not going to school. Seth didn't understand it. Who wouldn't want to get out of school?

"You're staying home," Kirsten decided.

"No," Ryan immediately objected forcefully.

"Ryan..." Kirsten got upset from his objection.

"Sorry."

"Is there something you're not telling us?" Ryan stared at Kirsten, ready to spill all his problems. But he couldn't. They'd kick him out for sure. He couldn't tell them. Not yet.

"I'll be in the pool house," Slowly, Ryan was realizing that this was the end. He'd have to tell them. He couldn't keep going. It was over. He might as well start packing.

He fell on the bed. He knew all of this would be gone soon. Maybe he could stay with Pete or something. He could earn enough money to fly to Atlanta to be with Theresa. Of course, she wouldn't want to be with him all drugged up. At least Ryan knew Pete would let him crash in Chino for a bit.

While Kirsten and Sandy discussed Ryan, Seth headed to the pool house.

"Hey man," Seth opened the door to the pool house and saw Ryan lying there.

"Hey," Ryan said back. What would Seth think of him when he found out?

"So...what's up?" Seth sat down, ready to talk to his brother.

"Nothing," Ryan didn't sit up or look over at Seth. He just stared up at the ceiling that soon would be gone.

"Are you sick?" Seth wanted to get to the bottom of what was up with Ryan.

"Sorta," Ryan just kept staring.

"What do you mean, 'sorta'?" Seth continued.

"It's complicated," Ryan was afraid that if Seth kept asking, Ryan would spill.

"How so?" Seth was getting annoyed with this, but then he realized he was talking to Ryan. Ryan barely ever talked.

"You wouldn't want to know," Ryan told Seth for both their safety.

"I think I do because I asked," Seth had forgotten his medication yesterday and hadn't taken it today.

"You don't," Ryan told him.

"Yeah, I do," Seth was getting mad.

"Seth? Can we talk to Ryan alone for a bit?" Kirsten and Sandy were standing at the door with all the shades drawn. Ryan knew this was the end. He was getting kicked out. Might as well tell them.

"Sure, maybe you can get more out of him than I did. Which is nothing," Seth got up and left, but kept the door open a tad bit to hear.

"All right, we need to talk," Sandy announced and the two adults sat down, surrounding Ryan.

"What is wrong Ryan?" Kirsten looked down at her second son.

"Nothing," Ryan didn't understand why he said it, it was over.

"There is something wrong. What is it?" Sandy pushed and Ryan caved.

"You wanna know?" Ryan sat up and reached over to the night stand table and grabbed the bag out of the drawer. He handed it over.

Kirsten's heart sunk as she saw the bag fall into Sandy's hand. It was almost all gone.

"You're doing it again," Sandy commented.

"Yep."

"Well..." They started.

"I can go start packing my bags. Because I don't know if I'll go to Willow Creek, cause that costs money. Maybe they have a discount for a second time," Ryan no longer cared. Seth couldn't believe he was hearing what his brother was saying.

"Ryan..."

"Either way I'm packing my bags," Ryan felt horrible and wanted out.

"Why?"

"We had a deal. I do drugs, I'm out. I broke the promise. I'll sign myself into Willow Creek if you think I need it. I don't know if you guys wanna sign me in. It shouldn't be that bad the second time around, at least Nicole and Summer will know me, but I won't see them. But I did drugs. I'm out of the house."

"No," Seth really had a knack for hearing the worst possible conversations. He opened the door and saw the drugs in his dad's hand. And Ryan. "I can't believe you."

"Seth..." Sandy warned.

"No. He's a fucking druggie! He's been in Willow Creek! And Summer knew? Wonderful, Ryan. You're really great at running people's lives. You kept this a complete secret. That's great. Go back to Chino. Where druggies belong," Seth yelled.

"Seth," Ryan got up, trying to resolve this.

"Get away from me, you fucking druggie," Seth had lost it. Ryan walked closer. "I said get away," Ryan shut his eyes for a second, then opened them and took a step.

Seth punched him.

Ryan fell down right away, he was extremely weak. Kirsten screamed and she and Sandy got up. Ryan had started bleeding and Seth ran off.

Seth didn't take a car, he just ran. Sandy wanted to let him cool off first.

Seth made it to a gas station close by, where he had to get some ice. His knuckles hurt. He had hit Ryan with all his might.

And who should be gassing their car up at that gas station? Why, yes, Marissa. And Seth was ready to vent.

"Hey Seth. I was gonna pick you guys up," Marissa had no clue why Seth was there.

"Doesn't matter. Oh yeah, I found out what's wrong with Ryan," Seth was so pissed.

"What is it?" Marissa wanted to know.

"Yeah, he's a druggie."

"What?" She thought she heard wrong.

"Ryan does drugs. He did drugs. Do you know about Willow Creek?" Seth asked.

"Willow Creek?" Marissa was getting way too confused.

"Obviously not. Um, Ryan was in Willow Creek, Summer knows, he's been lying for a year and a half, and Summer's been lying for who knows how long," Seth explained. It pissed him off the most that Summer knew, and he didn't. Why did she have to know? What, were they secretly dating? The thought of that made Seth hate Ryan more.

"He did drugs. Well, do you need a ride back?" Marissa wanted to see if all this was in fact true.

"No, but it's present tense. He's doing drugs," Seth corrected.

"I'll see you later," Marissa was headed to Ryan. She hated him from what she heard from Seth.

Sandy had just headed to get Seth. Ryan was bleeding pretty bad. Seth had started it, but the fall pulled the slice worse. How come Ryan got punched every time there was a drug find-out?

"I'll go get some ice," Kirsten was mad at both her sons, but she still loved them. She wasn't going to kick Ryan out. They'd been through too much.

Ryan waited in the pool house with a paper towel above his eye. His head was ringing.

Marissa was driving to see Ryan. She knew Seth usually didn't lie, but she had to be sure. Why would Ryan do drugs? Marissa didn't want to believe it.

Kirsten was breaking down. Tears were pouring down her face. She was so confused. Everything was happening way too fast. She couldn't handle it.

She took a deep breath. Pull yourself together Kirsten informed herself as she tried to calm down. It wasn't working.

"Fuck," Kirsten sat down in a chair. What the hell was happening to this family? Everything was falling apart just when it was okay. This had to be the umpteenth time this was happening.

Kirsten continued taking deep breaths. She was losing it again. There used to be a time when Kirsten didn't have to worry about either of her sons.

Where was that time?

Marissa parked in the Cohens' driveway. Her head was swarming with new information.

Seth was walking down the pier. His knuckles still hurt like hell even with the ice he was applying to them. He had to get away from his parents and most definitely Ryan.

He could believe his brother. Could he still call Ryan his brother? Seth's brother wasn't a druggie.

How had Ryan and Seth's parents hide this huge secret from Seth? Did Kirsten and Sandy know about Willow Creek when they became Ryan's legal guardians? They had to know. But when had they discussed it? Seth heard them when they talked to Ryan that day.

Unless they had a secret meeting. Great. Seth felt so out of it.

He looked up at where he was. If he squinted his eyes enough, he could see where he jumped. Seth didn't go any farther. He needed a place to go, but where? There was no safety for him. Crap.

Seth headed off the pier and began to walk away from the beach. He came upon a park about five blocks from the pier. How the hell had he walked this far?

The park had a playground in the center, Seth remembered it. Before his grandmother went in the hospital, she would walk him here every so often. He would sit by her and play with Captain Oats, never heading to the actual playground. Luke and his goons were there.

Seth had seen Summer at school, Seth didn't think anything about her. Yes, there used to be a time when Seth wasn't obsessed with Summer Roberts.

Neil had been pushing Summer on a swing, Seth was mesmerized. Summer was laughing, giggling, having the time of her life. Her hair kept falling on her face, and she was telling her dad to go higher.

To Seth, she was just a normal, pretty girl in Newport with no heart.

Seth remembered always sticking by his sick grandmother. He'd only been in Newport for maybe two weeks.

A cell phone rang that day, and Neil went to answer it. Summer didn't notice as she laughing, until she didn't go higher, didn't feel that support behind her. Summer's smile faded as her father's voice got louder. She never got any higher that day.

Neil was screaming at the person on the phone that day and Summer ran off that swing and hid behind a tree to cry.

Seth saw Summer Roberts did have a heart at that point. She felt things. And he fell in love with her.

No one was in the park this morning, it was way too early. The playground felt so strange without any laughter. He was sitting on the same bench his grandmother would sit on, and he could pinpoint where he sat in the ground. He saw the swing Summer sat on that day, and the tree she ran to.

Seth knew no one would find him here. He hadn't been to this playground in ten years. He forgot it existed.

Life was simple back then, when all he had to worry about was...his grandmother. He knew she had been sick, but he didn't understand the extent until the funeral.

Life was supposed to be a swing. You go down, but you come back up. Mostly their lives in Newport was a slide, forever going down. You knew where you were headed.

Sandy was driving down every street. Where the hell was Seth? He wouldn't head to the bus station, would he?

Ten minutes later, Sandy drove by the park and spotted him. Thank God. He pulled over and got out.

"Next time, tell me at least the vicinity of where you're running to so I save some gas. Those prices are through the roof," Sandy looked down at his son, and Seth glanced up before Sandy sat down. "So, what's up?"

"Nothing," Seth looked at the playground he never got on.

"You just punched your brother," Sandy was getting sick of Seth running. Maybe it would be easier to just let him sort everything out himself, but Sandy was afraid he wouldn't come back then.

"He's not my brother. He's a drug addict," Seth had no emotion in his voice. He was upbeat twenty minutes ago and now, drained.

"Seth..." Sandy began to explain everything.

"You lied," Seth pointed out. The only people he could trust not to lie, had.

"We never lied. We just didn't tell you. There's a difference," Sandy always hoped Ryan would be explaining this, not him.

"How long were you gonna keep this from me?" Seth was more hurt by the fact that his whole family knew this for a year and a half.

"It all depended on when Ryan wanted to tell you," Sandy answered and Seth didn't believe him. He knew they never would've told him.

"Sure," Seth rolled his eyes.

"Seth, I know everything is kinda hard to take in, but Ryan really needs us now," Sandy hoped Seth would come to his senses quick.

"He got himself into the problem. Let him get himself out," Seth didn't care about Ryan again.

"Now I see why Ryan didn't want to tell you," Sandy commented.

"Why?" Seth asked.

"Because of your reaction. You've been brothers with him for a year and a half, and you learn he made a mistake, and he's making another one, and you're jumping ship, throwing it all away. There's been plenty of times when he could've just left you on your own, like the pier, but he didn't. He helped you through a lot. He saved your life," Sandy didn't want to fight. He was leaving Seth on his own, so Sandy got up. "You're throwing away a lot, just know that," He told his son before leaving.

Seth sat there for a few seconds, thinking about what his dad said. Maybe he was being too hard on Ryan. Or not. He was confused.

Back at the Cohens, Marissa had just headed out to the pool house. Kirsten saw her go in.

"Hey, what happened?" Marissa acted as calm as she could to Ryan. She guessed there was a fight. Most likely by Seth, but of course, she wasn't sure.

"I fell," Ryan told her. Marissa knew then he was doing drugs. She could tell by the look of him.

"Another lie," Marissa still couldn't believe Ryan did drugs.

"What are you talking about?" Ryan was confused by Marissa.

"Ryan, Seth told me. He told me everything. Willow Creek, the drugs. How could you? All this time and you never told us? And you yelled at me for having problems? You're the one who has problems. God, you're more like Oliver than I thought. You're a fucking hypocritical drug addict. I can't believe you kept this all from us," Marissa accused.

"Marissa, I can explain..." Ryan got up and walked over to her. He had a bad feeling on how this would end.

"Don't. Just get away from me," Marissa would have loved to resolve everything, but it was too far, and she was done. She pushed him away.

"Marissa..." Ryan wanted to tell her what happened.

"Do us all a favor, Ryan. Go back to Chino and leave us all alone," Marissa hated Ryan. She ran out of the pool house in tears.

Ryan felt his world falling apart. Everyone hated him, and he was gonna get kicked out.

He was a drug addict and that was all.

Ryan looked around the pool house. He didn't belong. He would pull a "Seth." He was bolting.

Pulling his old duffel bag out, he put some of his clothes in. He grabbed the stuff he had and put on a jacket. Ryan found a tablet and wrote two words on the paper. "I'm sorry." He placed the paper on the bed that wasn't his. And he walked out the door.

Ryan wasn't a part of this house anymore.

Kirsten finally pulled herself together and got some ice. She didn't see Marissa or Ryan leave. So Kirsten walked into the empty pool house confused. Where were Ryan and Marissa? She knew she saw Marissa come in here.

Then she saw the paper.

Her heart broke once again when she picked up the paper. Tears fell down her face as she read, "I'm sorry." Ryan was gone.

Before Sandy had driven away, Seth got up and ran to his dad.

"Come to your senses yet?" Sandy looked at Seth.

"I guess," Seth said and went to the passenger side of the car. He got in. "Sorry."

"Don't tell me. Tell you brother," Sandy began to drive home. They passed Harbor, and Sandy guessed, neither boy would get to school.

This Valentine's Day was turning into one for the books. And Kirsten and Sandy hoped it would be a quiet normal one. Nothing was ever normal in the Cohens' house.

The ride back to the house was definitely quiet. Neither one of them knew Ryan was headed to the bus station. No one knew where Ryan was. Kirsten tried to call Ryan's cell phone, but Ryan left it there. It wasn't his anymore. It was someone else's.

Ryan hadn't left like Seth did, where he never went far and it was relatively easy to find him. Ryan wanted out of Newport.

Sandy and Seth drove by Marissa, who was headed to her dad's. If she cried there, Jimmy would help. Not like her mother.

Everything was happening way too fast this morning, Marissa thought as she parked her car and went into her father's apartment. Jimmy and Hailey were having breakfast as Marissa came in and slammed the door.

"I'll go talk to her," Jimmy put his fork down and got up.

"Don't. Let me try. I'll give you a break today," Hailey smiled.

"Are you sure? She's a lot to handle, especially in tears," Jimmy warned.

"I'm sure," Hailey walked out of the kitchen and to Marissa's room up the stairs. The door was open and Hailey walked in to see Marissa staring up at the ceiling. "Hey."

"Oh hi, Hailey," Marissa said to her step-sister. She had been expecting her dad.

"So, what are you crying about?" Hailey sat down on Marissa's bed as Marissa sat up.

"I shouldn't talk about it," She didn't feel right telling Hailey.

"I promise I won't tell anyone," Hailey wanted to get closer with Marissa.

"Not even my dad?" Telling Hailey was tempting.

"Not even your dad," Hailey was good at keeping secrets.

"Ryan...he did drugs. And is doing them now," Hailey had definitely not expected that.

"Okay then. So what happened between you two?" Hailey could understand where Ryan was coming from. She used to do drugs.

"I screamed at him and told him to go back to Chino," It felt good letting everything out.

"Not the best thing. Marissa, drugs are really hard to get over. Temptation is always there, and it's an escape. Have you ever felt that?" Hailey didn't know about Marissa's drinking problems.

"All the time," Marissa was beginning to feel bad.

"So you know where he's coming from," Hailey was confused by Marissa's answer.

"Yeah. I called him a hypocrite and I was being the biggest hypocrite of all," Marissa realized. Now she hated herself. She looked up at her step-sister. "Thanks Hailey."

"No problem. Is there anything else you wanna talk about?" Hailey felt like she hadn't really helped at all.

"If I think of anything, I'll come," Marissa now wanted to be left alone.

"Okay," Hailey got up and left Marissa to think about how to fix the situation with Ryan.

It had just turned to ten o'clock when Sandy and Seth walked into the kitchen. Kirsten was sitting there, staring at the note. She wished Ryan had written more.

"Found him," Sandy announced and smiled at his wife.

"Great," Kirsten choked out and stood up.

"Where's Ryan?" Seth looked out the window.

"What's wrong, Kirsten?" Sandy noticed the troubled look on his wife's face.

"He's gone."

**So? What did everyone think? I want your honest opinions. And please review if you don't usually! I love seeing how many people do read this! What do you guys like? What don't you like? See, I finished writing this, and I'm about two chapters into the sequel, and I wanted to know what you want to see. More Seth drama, more Summer drama. Because I have a slew of ideas. Only two more chapters to go! Since this one is done. Please review, you know you want to.**


	20. Moments

**Oh my gosh guys, thank you so much for the reviews. They hit two hundred! So, only two more chapters, one after this one! Timing might be off on this chap, but oh well. Get reviewing, I know they are people who don't review and just read...**

"What do you mean he's gone?" Sandy didn't understand Kirsten.

"He left. Took his stuff and bolted," Kirsten elaborated.

"Pulled a Seth in other words," Sandy added.

"I can hear you," Seth was a bit offended, but more so he was pissed off at himself. He made Ryan leave. Great. Just great.

"We know. Did he leave anything?" Sandy told Seth and then asked Kirsten.

"Just this," Kirsten showed him the note that barely constituted as a note.

"What about his cell phone?" Sandy didn't want to do this again.

"In the pool house," Why couldn't they have sons that didn't run away?

"So where do you think he ran to?" Sandy asked Kirsten.

"No clue," Kirsten looked at the pool house and Seth sat down at the table.

"How about you Seth?" Sandy looked to his other son.

"He doesn't wanna come back. I yelled at him, and punched him and told Marissa. She headed here and most likely yelled at him. My guess is he's hitching a ride from someone," Seth stared at the ground.

"Should we go look?" Kirsten looked at Sandy with worry.

"Maybe we should wait it out a bit. He might come back," Sandy didn't want to go looking for anyone again.

"You know he won't," Kirsten was about to cry again.

"He might. He expects us to go after him, and plus, his fix is here," Seth offered.

"So you wanna wait too?" Kirsten was getting mad.

"Just a bit Kirsten. Not long," Sandy told her.

"Fine," Kirsten walked out of the kitchen, leaving Seth and Sandy to silence.

"He could be hiding in the pool house for all we know," Seth stated.

"I think your mother looked," Sandy now walked out of the kitchen. Seth felt uncomfortable and stupid. No one had to tell him this was his fault.

Why did he listen in? Why couldn't he have closed the door and walked away like a normal person? Because he was curious. Goddamn curiosity. It always screwed him over. It always worked out for Curious George, never for Seth.

Seth headed up to his room. He didn't know what to do. He should be looking for his brother, not handing around the house.

Kirsten paced around her and Sandy's room. She couldn't take it. She had to look for Ryan. She felt responsible. Kirsten didn't stop him or watch him when she should've.

"Kirsten, calm down," Sandy walked in to see his wife a mess.

"I can't! I have to look for him," Kirsten was falling apart.

"Just give him a bit of space," Sandy remembered when Seth ran off. The first time. Kirsten acted the same way. She was a complete wreck for the first two weeks. Sandy was afraid of what would've happened if they hadn't found Seth.

"No. That gives him more of a lead and then, we won't find him. I am not letting him go," Kirsten was mad at Sandy for making her stay. She was leaving.

Kirsten walked out on her husband.

"Seth, get down here! Let's go!" Kirsten screamed up to her son, who was surprised. She grabbed the Range Rover keys as Seth got down the stairs. He was confused.

"I thought we were..." Seth started.

"We're going Seth," Kirsten told him as Sandy walked into the kitchen. She gave her husband one look before forcing Seth to the car.

Seth could tell his mom was pissed at Sandy, but he didn't think anything about it. They always worked out their problems.

"Where do you think he went Seth?" Kirsten asked as they scanned the street.

"I don't know," Seth looked down the road and saw no Ryan.

"Well, keep looking," Kirsten stopped at a red light.

Ryan was walking down the road closest to the beach, heading to the bus station. He'd get the bus that would take him to Chino.

He knew the Cohens would comb the streets first, so he was okay for now. This street was the most popular. He was hidden amongst the people.

Ryan also deduced that there would be only one car. Kirsten and Sandy didn't trust Seth with the car since the "Imax" incident and Ryan also knew he was really hurting Kirsten. She wouldn't drive.

But she did.

Kirsten would never forgive herself if she didn't look for Ryan. She couldn't understand why Sandy didn't want to look for their son right away. Was it something stupid or something bigger? Kirsten didn't understand her husband sometimes.

Seth knew Ryan had already thought everything through. That was Ryan though. He would develop the plan after instituting it. And that had been like thirty minutes ago, or something. He had good plans, he knew the way people acted. Ryan got good at guessing what people would do by watching them. That's why Ryan didn't walk, he was analyzing everyone. At least that's what Seth thought.

"Are you even looking Seth?" Kirsten barked at her son, who wasn't looking. He knew they wouldn't find Ryan.

"Yeah, I am," Seth wanted to find Ryan, but Seth had said some harsh words to his brother. Even if they did find Ryan, would he want to come back?

"Well, you're not doing a good job at it," Kirsten really wanted to find Ryan. They had to.

Sandy sat in the kitchen, trying to pinpoint exactly where he screwed up. Had to be when he mentioned not leaving.

He wanted to find Ryan, but he was just so sick of going after Ryan and Seth. Why the hell did they have to keep running? Whatever happened to storming to your room and slamming the door?

Sandy supposed Ryan couldn't be blamed for running away a lot. This was actually his first, second if you counted the model home. Seth was the problem. It was getting redundant. Every so often when Seth was little, he'd run off, but usually to outside or he'd hide so they wouldn't find him. Not like this. There was a run off every two weeks.

But in Seth's defense, most of the run offs were just to get space. To clear his head. Seth, if not coaxed, would end up coming back on his own. It was different with Ryan.

Sandy guessed he would stay here to make sure someone got Ryan if he did come back. But he doubted he would.

Kirsten checked her watch. Eleven o'clock. They had been looking for Ryan for a half an hour.

"Call Marissa. See if she's in school. If now, recruit her to look," Kirsten threw the cell phone at Seth. He was a little scared being with his mom alone in the car.

Seth opened the phone and dialed Marissa's cell phone. He hoped he still knew the number. He usually just got it from his phone book in his cell. And he hadn't called Marissa in a very long time.

Marissa laid on her bed, feeling miserable. She had stopped crying for the most part, but droplets did fall once in a while.

Her phone rang and she stared it down. Marissa didn't know if she wanted to answer it. Was she in the mood to talk to anyone? It kept ringing, and Marissa checked the number. It looked familiar, but it didn't register in her head.

"Hello?" Marissa gave in and hoped it wasn't a stalker.

"Hey Marissa," Seth was glad Marissa picked up. He didn't want to know what his mother would do if she didn't.

"Oh hi, Seth," Marissa didn't understand why Seth was calling.

"Listen, I have a question first. Did you flip out on Ryan?" Kirsten looked over at Seth with annoyance.

"Yeah..." Marissa felt worse.

"Thought so. So, um, he left. Gone. Disappeared. Missing. AWOL..." Seth rambled.

"Seth..." Kirsten got pissed.

"Right. Sorry. So, yeah, Ryan left. Do you maybe know where he is?" Seth doubted she did.

"No," Marissa answered.

"Okay. Are you in school?" Seth kept asking.

"No," Marissa was confused.

"Cool. Can you maybe look for him? If you want to," Seth informed her.

"No, I will. I'll talk to you later Seth," Marissa felt responsible.

"All right, see ya," Seth hung up the phone. Now they had another person looking for Ryan.

Mostly it was a lost cause.

"Did you get her to look?" Kirsten remembered the day she learned Seth was gone. She was forcing his out of his room, or at least thought so.

Her world had fallen apart when she saw that empty room.

The two weeks he was gone was mostly a blur now, Kirsten didn't care to remember that time. As long as she had Seth now, that was all that mattered.

Kirsten never took his presence for granted. She had almost lost him and had to suffer watching him lie on that hospital bed for two months.

"Yeah, she's gonna," Seth answered. He knew they wouldn't find Ryan. He didn't want to be found. Of course, Seth hadn't wanted to be found, and he had.

Marissa didn't go right out to look for Ryan. Her thoughts were clouding everything. Ryan ran away. He left. Couldn't she get that through her head?

It was because of her that he left. Her and Seth. She was sick to her stomach thinking about the things she said to him.

"Do us all a favor Ryan. Go back to Chino and leave us alone," The words wouldn't leave her mind. They just kept playing and playing.

Marissa pulled a pillow over her face, and screamed. Why was everything so difficult? No, not everything was hard. Why was everything _with Ryan_ so difficult?

She should leave. But where would she look for him? Marissa had no guesses. Maybe a year ago, she'd know where he would go, but a lot had changed since then.

Of course Chino was his home, and you couldn't ever run away from that forever. He might head there.

Marissa consented. If she didn't look for Ryan, she'd regret it for the rest of her life. So she grabbed her purse and cell phone and left her Parisian paradise.

"I'm going out Dad," Marissa announced to her father, who walked in.

"Well, hold on. Where are you going?" Jimmy didn't know what on between Hailey and Marissa, but he was still worried.

"Just...out. A few places, don't freak out. I'll be back," Marissa assured him.

"Actually, if it'll be late, you should go to you mom's. Me and Hailey have some things planned," Jimmy told her.

"Right. It's Valentine's Day, how could I forget the loneliest day of the year," The last Valentine's Day wasn't that great.

"You'll find someone," Jimmy wished he could help his daughter more.

"Sure, whatever. I'll leave you alone to whatever you were doing. Bye," Marissa headed out the door.

"Bye kiddo," Jimmy watched his first born leave the house.

Marissa got in her car and headed out. She wasn't even looking for Ryan, she was just driving. No clue as to where, just some place.

It was twelve o'clock when Marissa realized she was way off. She had been driving down the highway for a while. Stupid idiot. Where was Ryan?

He was almost done with his walk to the bus station. He was shaking, he had no fix. When he'd get there, he'd look for cigarettes.

Kirsten had a mental breakdown while driving, so now they were off track. No one looking for Ryan at the moment.

Twenty minutes later, Ryan made it to the bus station. He was getting out of here. Laying his things down, he searched for cigarettes. The shaking was pretty bad. Bingo. Ryan produced a pack and a lighter. It was the only thing that was going good for him today.

He took a drag off the cigarette and watched as happy families came and went. Life was simple for them. If only he had that.

Then the guilt hit Ryan. He _had_ had that. He suddenly felt horrible for leaving Kirsten and Sandy. But he caused this all, he had to pay. He refused to let his guilt get to him too much.

Ryan took another drag. The shaking was stopping. When had he become such an addict? Three weeks ago, everything was fine, Ryan was leading an okay life. And now, he was a full blown addict, skipping town. At least he wasn't stealing anything.

One last drag and Ryan threw the cigarette down and stomped it out. Time to get moving.

"I need a ticket for Chino," Ryan didn't even know if Chino had a bus station.

"Another runaway," The attendant mumbled under their breath.

"I'm not running away," Ryan heard her.

"Sure, that's why you've got your life packed in that bag next to your feet and you're with no one else," The woman commented.

"I'm not running away," Ryan reiterated.

"Sure, whatever. Don't know what you're running from, but just face it, you're running," Ryan paid for his ticket and walked away. He checked the time and went back over.

"I need an earlier time. This is too late," Ryan would have to wait another two and a half hours.

"Nope,"The person refused.

"I need an earlier time," Ryan was getting pissed.

"That's the only bus heading to Chino. Let them find you," The woman told him.

"I am not running away," Ryan kept telling the lady, but he was.

"Sure," She didn't believe Ryan at all.

"I'll go somewhere else. Another bus station," Ryan figured that'd be a good idea. He could get farther away.

"No you won't. Because you probably spent all your money on that ticket and I'm not refunding it," She stared at Ryan, who gave in, not wanting to fight.

"Damn," Ryan walked away. He was too weak to fight anymore. He located a place he could hide. Ryan looked up at the huge clock. 1:10.

"Where could he be Seth? Where?" Kirsten was frantic again.

"I don't know," They were parked in a parking lot. Kirsten was pacing as Seth sat on the ground, leaning on the tire.

"Well damn it, Seth, you should! Where is he? He couldn't have gotten far," Kirsten couldn't take this pressure, she was snapping at her son, who wasn't used to it.

"Yes he could Mom, it's one ten. He's probably in LA by now. I hear they have some good..." Seth tried to joke to cover up the feelings he had.

"Seth, not the time!" Kirsten screamed.

"Sorry. But Mom, we can't find Ryan. Let's go back. Marissa can look," Seth didn't want to stay in the car with his mom anymore.

"No. We have to keep looking. He has to be out there. We gotta find him, Seth," Kirsten said.

"Fine. Let's go," Seth reluctantly got up and went in the car. Kirsten also stepped in, and started the car. Seth kept his mouth shut.

Marissa made her way back to Newport and began to check the street. Ryan was probably gone. Why would he still be here? He was probably miles and miles away. All because of her.

She thought back to the first time she saw him. He seemed like such a normal kid, but he was so much more than that. If someone was to tell her back then at that moment, that this guy would sweep her off her feet and change her entire existence, she'd laugh. She was with Luke and life was perfect. Marissa didn't need to worry about anything then.

And that life had crumbled away so fast.

She had been so innocent, yet not at the same time. She had been stuck in that bubble, and was Daddy's Little Princess, and could smile about the way her life was headed.

But Marissa had wanted more back then, so much more. Sh wanted to see life outside her bubble. She definitely saw it. Ryan brought along such a whirlwind of things. Better and worse.

Sometimes Marissa wished she hadn't borrowed that cigarette off him. Would they have ever really met each other? So many things would be different. The model home. Would that have happened? And everything with Luke, and the stuff with Seth, and what would life be like? Marissa could only guess she'd still be with Luke, Seth wouldn't exist to anyone but his family, and Summer would be happy and bitchy and have dated Ryan. Maybe Marissa would've grouped Seth and Anna, and Summer and Ryan at the Cotillion. Maybe there'd be three happy couples instead of barely one.

Marissa focused back to the road and looking for her ex-boyfriend. This was hopeless. It was almost two o'clock already.

Then the thought hit her. Why the hell was she searching for Ryan here where he mostly likely wasn't? She had a guess at where he was and she raced there, hoping she wasn't too late.

Ryan was hiding at the bus station. He didn't want anyone to find him. The ticket lady would walk by every so often and tell him, "You can't hide forever. They'll find you." Ryan begged this wasn't true.

He wanted to go back to the Cohens, but he didn't want to see their faces. He felt like such a failure. Ryan Atwood, drug addict and failure. Yeah, that had a nice ring to it.

Goddamn drugs. All they brought was pain. A lot of pain. Withdraw was worse. Ryan was already feeling the effects. He had had a few cigarettes to stop the craving. The effect of them was wearing down.

Marissa parked her car. She hoped she would find him. It had turned to two forty five suddenly. She rushed in. Minutes were suddenly seconds. They were flying by like nobody's business.

How big was this bus station? She swore it had a million seating areas. She kept looking. Marissa knew Ryan was here. Somewhere.

Ryan had hidden really well. He didn't even know where he was. Marissa had been looking for him for a half an hour.

"Excuse me," Marissa had to ask someone. She knew he was here, just no clue where. "Um, I'm looking for someone."

"Who?" The woman began to help.

"He's a little taller than me, seventeen, blond hair..." Marissa tried to describe Ryan.

'Running away?" The ticket lady knew someone would come for Ryan.

"Yeah," Marissa hoped the lady knew Ryan.

"He's back that way," The lady pointed in a direction. At that moment, 3:15, Ryan got up. His bus would be leaving soon. He was getting out of here. He'd stay with Pete, and then get his own place, even farther away from Newport.

"Thank you," Marissa raced down the hall to where Ryan should be. She would stop him.

He wasn't there.

Marissa's spirits fell as she saw the empty room. No. Where could he be? The woman told her he'd be here. Why would she lie? Marissa wasn't going to lose Ryan.

She turned away from the room and continued to walk down the hall. She wasn't the only one there.

Ryan was at the end of the hall, barely visible. But Marissa could only guess it was him. She quickened her pace as he opened the door.

No one was watching the bus. He'd sit on the bus until they were off. He didn't care. At least the bus seats were more comfortable than the one he was in.

This was it. All these moments with Ryan were consummating here. Now or never. If she turned away, she'd lose him forever.

"Wait."

**So? What do you think? Only one more chapter to go! And a sequel is indefinitely in the works. Got the first like three or four chapters** **planned out. How does that sound? Please review, all of you, we're nearing the end of The World Forgotten!**


	21. Youth of the Nation

**Here we are: the last chapter. Can you believe this? I am flabbergasted. I truly am. So, I'll leave you to the story, and then at the end I give all my thank you's out...I've got a few of them.**

Ryan stopped. No. He was caught. Slowly, he turned around to see Marissa standing there.

"Don't go," She told him, hoping he would listen. Ryan didn't move or say a word. He was glued to his spot. "Please don't."

Ryan didn't want to listen to her. He had to get out of Newport, and not be stopped.

"Why are you leaving?" Marissa asked him.

"You guys want me to leave," Ryan simply answered.

"You listen to us all the time?" Marissa tried to joke. She wished eight months ago she had stopped him. Then this wouldn't be happening.

"I do drugs," Ryan was ashamed he did them, but temptation was temptation.

"I don't really understand why though," Marissa couldn't pinpoint why he did them.

"I thought you would be the only person who would really understand. It's an escape. Just like your drinking," And then all the fights with Ryan came back to Marissa. He had been hinting at it for so long. And she never got it.

"Ryan, why would you need an escape? Your life is great now," Marissa still wasn't getting it completely.

"So is yours," Ryan looked up at her.

"Don't change the subject. I want to know why you do drugs," Marissa wasn't kidding.

"I told you. An escape," Ryan answered again.

"From what?" Marissa wished she had seen it sooner, talked to him more, stopped it.

"I don't know," Ryan really didn't have an answer. He didn't know why he did it.

"There has to be a reason Ryan. You just don't all of a sudden do drugs," Marissa was keen on finding an answer.

"I don't know," Ryan didn't want to talk to Marissa. He wanted to get on that bus and leave.

"Yes, you do. Tell me. Now," Marissa was getting annoyed. He had to tell her.

"Temptation, cravings, I guess," Ryan answered, getting sick of this conversation. His hand started to shake, so he stuffed it into his pocket fist-like.

"But you're stronger than that. You know what happens," Marissa always knew Ryan as the tough guy, who beat everything. She didn't know if she could handle seeing him this weak. Her truth was turning into a lie.

Ryan was nothing like she remembered him being. Something was obviously off. He had changed. Not just his appearance, but something inside him changed. Disappeared.

Or reappeared.

"Well, I must not be that strong," Ryan shot back with anger. He knew he was screwed up, he ruined everything. He didn't need Marissa telling him.

"But you are. Why'd you put yourself through this?" Marissa wouldn't get through life if Ryan left again. It hurt so much the first time.

"I really don't know. I told myself it was wrong, but I didn't listen," Ryan might as well give in. If he spoke faster, he'd be on his way faster.

"I know how that feels," Marissa commented. She was getting better, and Ryan was getting worse.

"Figured," Ryan added.

"Do you want it now?" Marissa stopped drinking because of what Ryan said. Maybe she could fully stop him.

"I wanna say no, but my body is saying otherwise," Ryan produced his hand, which was shaking violently. Marissa understood.

"Right," She replied.

"Listen, I should be going," Ryan began to turn and go to the bus.

"Stop. Don't leave. You can't," Marissa couldn't let him leave.

"Why not?" He turned back around. "No one wants me here," Seth and Marissa's words echoed in his ears.

"I do," Marissa was gonna stop Ryan from leaving. She had to. The Cohens didn't know he was here. If she let him go, that was it.

"You told me to go back to Chino and leave everyone alone," Getting kicked out would've been easy to deal with. The words his two best friends told him hurt like hell.

"So I lied," Marissa walked close to Ryan. "Listen, Ryan, if you leave, I don't think any of us will make it through. You hold us together," She told him.

"No, I don't," Ryan didn't want to believe that.

"You'd be surprised," Marissa looked into Ryan's eyes, hoping to see a way to stop him. Nothing was held there.

"Marissa..." Ryan hated looking into her eyes. They made him remember everything.

"What?" Marissa didn't know what she expected to hear.

"I can't stay," Not that.

"Why? Everything'll figure itself out," She was gonna fight for him.

"I don't think it will," Ryan said his doubts. He didn't want to see the Cohens. He hurt them.

"Yes it will. The Cohens aren't gonna kick you out. If they were, why would they be searching for you all day? Seth was the one who called me and told me you were gone. He felt bad for what he said," Marissa attempted and Ryan took a moment to think before answering.

"If I do stay, I'm gonna have to go see a shrink or even have to go to Willow Creek. I told them I didn't mind going, but I do. I don't want to go through it again," Ryan commented.

"Then don't. Tell them you won't go," Marissa didn't want another of her friends in Willow Creek.

"I'm gonna have to. Withdraw's a bastard," Ryan knew he'd have to go through it again.

"I know," Marissa had to go through it with drinking.

"It's worse for drugs than drinking," Ryan could tell she was stopping drinking.

"Are you sure? Doesn't it depend on time?" Marissa asked him.

"I don't know, but I've been doing it a lot over these three weeks," Ryan commented. He'd been using a lot.

"Yeah. But we'll help you. Will you stay?" Marissa looked at his bruised eye with dried blood around the cut he got from Seth.

"I don't know. I got too comfortable here," Ryan couldn't decide if he wanted to stay. He didn't want to go through everything he would with the Cohens.

"Is that why you did drugs?" Ryan noticed Marissa put it in past tense. Was Ryan done with it? Would he stop?

"Maybe. I have no clue," Ryan felt so strange talking about it with Marissa. He wasn't near the person who dated her a year ago. Neither was she. "I think I should go."

"No one wants you to go. The Cohens and me will help you. Please don't go," Marissa couldn't stand it if he left.

"Marissa, I got too comfortable here. It's not me," Ryan objected.

"But..." Marissa felt a tear run down her face.

"I'm sorry, Marissa," The bus engine roared and Ryan began to walk away.

Marissa felt more tears fall. She never turned away from him, but he did to her. She was losing him.

"Ryan, stop!" She screamed after him, and he kept going. "Please stop!" Marissa was breaking down, Ryan could hear it in her voice.

"What?" He paused and turned. He saw her falling apart. Why couldn't she just let him go? Marissa was making this difficult.

"I love you Ryan," Marissa told him. She told him this not that long ago in the hospital and she knew he hadn't felt the same way. Did he now? She would try anything to keep him from leaving.

Ryan didn't move. She had just made it even more difficult. He didn't know if he could leave. Ryan did want to stay, but everything had just made it hard. He hurt too many people already.

Ryan was hurting them more by leaving.

"Don't go. Please," Marissa begged of him. The bus was ready to go. Ryan had to make a decision. Could he do it? For a while, Ryan knew he felt different about Marissa, something he hadn't felt in a while.

Ryan couldn't do it. He couldn't leave. It was too hard. He'd been through too much already here to leave. He'd deal with everything here. He didn't want to, but he knew he didn't want leave more.

He walked to the broken down Marissa and stared at her.

"I love you too," Ryan told her and kissed her.

"Does that mean you're gonna stay?" Marissa asked him after they broke apart.

"Yeah."

0000000000

Kirsten felt sick. They still hadn't found Ryan, and it had been hours. Seth and her were still driving around, and Seth was falling asleep.

Marissa and Ryan were unfortunately at her mother's house. Jimmy didn't want Marissa to go to his house. So Marissa snuck Ryan up the stairs. They couldn't let Julie see Ryan, or he would be all the gossip tomorrow.

"So will you go back?" Marissa asked Ryan, who was lying on her bed. He was refusing to go back to the Cohens.

"Not yet. I'm waiting til they calm down," Ryan tried to stop his hand from shaking.

"Ryan, they're worried sick about you. You have to talk to them," Marissa was incredibly glad Ryan was staying, but what he was doing now was stupid. "Will you at least talk to Seth?"

"If he wants to talk to me," Ryan would never have guessed this was where he would be this morning.

"He probably does. Let me call him," Marissa pulled out her cell phone and left the room. She didn't exactly know why she did that, but oh well.

Seth's cell phone rang and he shot awake. When had he fallen asleep? Kirsten glanced at him, hoping it was Ryan on the other line.

"Hello?" Seth didn't even look at who it was.

"Hey Seth," Marissa began to absentmindedly walk around.

"Oh hey Marissa," Kirsten was slightly sad it was Marissa.

"Listen, Seth, I found Ryan," Marissa made sure her mother wasn't around to hear.

"Really?" Seth breathed a sigh of relief. Marissa found his brother. He knew she would.

"Yeah, except he is refusing to go back to your house," Marissa told him and she spotted her mother. She walked farther away.

"Why?" Kirsten was desperate to hear the whole conversation. She wanted to know if Ryan was found.

"He thinks it'll be easier to talk to your parents when they've calmed down," Marissa kept walking around.

"But they're not gonna. That's stupid," Seth didn't understand what Ryan was thinking. The drugs _were_ getting to him.

"I know that, but Ryan's not in the best mental state right now. With the withdraw and everything," Marissa was careful not to be around anyone when she said that.

"Right. Gotcha," Seth agreed.

"So I asked him if he would talk to you and he said that's cool. Could you come over to my mom's...you granddad's?" Marissa knew that sounded weird.

"Um, I'm with my mom..." Seth could bet Kirsten would want to come with.

"Oh," Marissa saw the problem.

"I'll be there soon. I'll talk to her," Seth had to talk to Ryan.

"Are you sure?" Marissa asked.

"Yeah, I'll see you in a few. Bye," Seth hung up and looked at his mom, who was going insane.

"What'd Marissa say?" Kirsten yelled at her son, surprised by the urgency in her tone. But she had to know if Ryan was okay.

"Um, she found Ryan," Seth started.

"Oh thank God," Marissa was a savior to Kirsten. She didn't know if she could keep going.

"Yeah, she wants me to go over to Granddad's house. Is that all right?" Seth didn't want to say Ryan was there. "You know, if I can borrow the car to go over?"

"Uh, yeah. I'll drive home," Kirsten felt like she was missing something. She drove back to their house in utter confusion. "Be careful," She warned as Seth jumped into the driver's seat.

"I will," Seth drove away. He could pretty much understand why Ryan didn't want to come back. But he definitely had to talk to him. Seth felt horrible for punching Ryan. He barely ever threw a punch, and when he did, he hit his brother.

Seth never was at his granddad's, so he had to call his mom for directions. Once he finally knew where he was going, he headed to the huge mansion. Strangely, it wasn't that far away. Or Seth just hadn't paid attention to time.

He got out of the car, and stared up at the house. Damn, it was huge. There was no end to it. Seth walked up to the door and knocked on it.

"Hi Seth!" Julie opened the door and pulled him into a hug.

"Hi, Mrs. Cooper-Nichol," Seth couldn't believe this was his grandmother.

"Oh Seth, you can call me grandma even though I don't look like one. How about we call me Aunt Julie? I mean, me and Marissa _are_ like sisters," Julie smiled evilly.

"Right. Can I go see Marissa?" Seth was really uncomfortable around Julie.

"Are you okay Seth? It's great to see you awake. I visited every week you know," Julie lied.

"Uh-huh..." Seth really wanted to leave. He didn't believe a word Julie was saying.

"I know it's rough to go through this. But you can always talk to me," Julie looked at Seth with fake concern.

"You know, I'll go find Marissa's room myself. But Mrs. Cooper-Nichol..." Seth began up the stairs.

"It's Aunt Julie!" She called after him. He walked away from her, glad to be out of Julie Cooper's clutches.

"Seth?" Marissa found her step-nephew wandering around the upstairs of the house aimlessly.

"Good, found you. I was sick of being near your mom," Seth commented.

"Oh. I was hoping Kaitlin would find you," The two began to head to Marissa's room.

"Is he in there?" Seth asked when they stopped at a closed door.

"Yep," Marissa opened it and walked in. "Look who I found, Ry," Ryan sat up to see Seth.

"Hey Ryan," Seth was not near ready for the awkwardness that welcomed him

"Hey," Ryan barely mutter. Why had he said this was okay? It wasn't, Ryan just wanted to sleep.

"Sorry about the shiner," The two brothers felt like strangers to each other.

"It's fine," Ryan blew it off.

"Not really. I really flipped out on you. And I'm sorry man. I didn't mean it," Seth didn't mean to do those things now. When he said all that stuff, he had.

"It's fine, Seth," Ryan didn't want to be having this conversation with Seth.

"No, it's not. I said a lot of crappy stuff, and I'm sorry," Seth couldn't understand what was going on with Ryan.

"Don't apologize," Ryan didn't look at Seth, who was getting annoyed.

"Why not?" He shot. Marissa realized this might be a while, so she sat down at her desk.

"Because everything you said was true," Ryan answered strongly.

"No, it wasn't. Dude, I don't know why you did drugs, but I said some mean stuff you didn't deserve. So can you forgive me?" Seth asked.

"I was never mad at you," Ryan finally opened up. He knew the confrontation with Seth would be easier than with Kirsten and Sandy.

"Cool. So, are you gonna come back?" Seth prayed he would.

"Not yet," Ryan answered.

"Dude, you have to. Or I'm not gonna go back. I can promise you my parents will not kick you out, they're way too worried. I'm afraid for my life if I don't come back with you. So please, come,"Seth begged.

"It won't be as bad as you think," Marissa added. Ryan looked between the both. He did want to go back. The Cohens weren't his old parents. The parents who didn't give a shit about him. Kirsten most certainly wasn't Dawn, the drunk.

"Fine," He said after a few moments of thinking. He was already leaning on going with Seth.

"You just saved both our asses. My mom was insane in the car ride looking for you. I swear, I could've died," Seth joked as Ryan stood up. Marissa made sure Julie wasn't around and all three of them went down to the door. Seth left first and Marissa stopped Ryan.

"Call me tomorrow," She was so glad everything would work out. "Bye," Marissa kissed him.

Seth felt a little out of the loop as he watched Marissa and Ryan. Ryan walked away from his girlfriend and into the Range Rover.

"So, I totally missed something," Seth said as they drove away from the Nichol mansion.

"What do you mean?" You could tell Seth and Ryan were brothers again.

"That kiss, dude! You and Marissa, what's up?" Seth was happy Ryan wasn't holding a grudge against him. If he were in Ryan's shoes, he'd be pissed. But Seth wasn't Ryan, thank God.

"I guess we're together," Ryan supposed that. They had said they loved each other, and they kissed. Twice. That constituted as dating, right?

"How long do you think it'll last this time?" Seth knew Ryan and Marissa's dating record. It wasn't that great. But Seth had to admit, they were cute together. That's why he had tried to hook them up earlier in the month.

"Most likely longer than the last time," Ryan counted how many times he and Marissa attempted at being a couple. They were up to three.

"That was..." It had been a while since they dated. At least to Seth.

"Not even a day," Ryan remembered the numerous fights that day.

"Wait, I thought the last time you guys dated was when you left for Chino?" Seth hated missing such a long time. Comas sucked.

"No, we tried after you uh, um jumped," Now Seth was madder. He wasn't even in the coma when that occurred. Damn it.

"How'd that end?" Seth was at least a little glad that that time was done and over with.

"She told Summer about you, I flipped out and took a bus and walked home," Ryan was glad too.

"I can't believe you never said anything about that," Seth commented.

"You do remember what was happening then?" Ryan gained some of his sense of humor abck.

"Right," Seth let a little bit of silence come over them as he began to think. Everything would work out. Maybe they could be happy for once. "You know, this feels very much like a happy ending. You and Marissa back together. Me and Summer, still together."

"Except I could be kicked out of your house and Summer is still in the hospital," ryan pointed out.

"Now why did you have to ixnay the happy ending?" Seth accused.

"I didn't ixnay the happy ending," Ryan didn't understand.

"Yes you did. You brought down the mood, ruined the moment, everything," Seth rambled.

"No I didn't. There wasn't even a moment there," Ryan argued.

"There could've been...My point is, we're on smooth sailing, and you're putting rough waves in the water," Seth said.

"Smooth sailing? Summer still has to get out of the hospital, and I have to go through withdraw. Again," Ryan told him.

"More waves!" Seth exclaimed.

"What's your obsession with waves and sailing? Didn't you get over that last summer?" Ryan wondered.

"I don't know. Can I please my happy ending?" Ryan glared at his brother. "Okay, how about a happy pause? You know, a break from the drama and intensity of everything," Seth explained.

"Whatever," Ryan gave in.

"See? It wasn't that hard," Seth commented as he turned on the music player and the end of a song blared at them.

_I guess that's the way the story goes,_

_Will it ever make sense?_

_Somebody's got to know._

_There's got to be more to life than this,_

_There's got to be more to everything,_

_I thought exists._

_We are, we are the Youth of The Nation. . ._

**So? What did you all think? I can't believe number 2 in the saga is over. If you guys hated the end, oh well. I mean, didn't I leave it quite open for the sequel? Yes, a sequel. It is currently in the works. First, I need some chapter titles, and a title for the whole thing. I've got some ideas. The Nation's Forgotten Youth? No, that's lame.**

**So, here are some things to the people who made this possible. Hey, maybe your name will be here:**

**Kim: Of course you get the first little shout out. I doubt you'll read this, but you gave me ideas for this, and made me write in _Stranded Memories._**

**Kitotterkat: You helped me through this, and I must say your reviews were great. I needed some constructive criticism...hehe.**

**Svocfanatic: You are one of the only people who like reviewed every chapter. Thank you so much for that, you kept me writing! You really did. If I didn't have reviewers like you, I don't think this would've been finished.**

**Now who else to comment to? There is waaaaay too many! I wish I could tell you each something, but I can't. There is a ton. So, instead, I will list off only a few of the people. But don't worry, if I could list everyone, I would.**

**Fiona**

**Leentje**

**i-luv-the-oc-and-smallville**

**adamismine69 (where did you go? I miss you so much!)**

**Mrs.AdamBrody**

**adambrody10**

**alexis(holy crap, that's my name too!)**

**Mikelucas1**

**McLerran**

**benshott**

**oc.i.luv.u.**

**Agel15**

**theoclovestheoc**

**DSmooth321**

**DeeCohan**

**Meggy in Orange County**

**sUmMeRiTh**

**OthfanAnna**

**auggy1984**

**bobbosback**

**IY-ROX**

**Jessica**

**aaron**

**Silver Eyed**

**music4mysoul**

**That is all for my people. I know there is a TON more, but everyone, I repeat everyone please review at the end of this, because the more reviews, the faster I am to typing up the sequel!**

**Ali**


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